The Girl I Loved Once

Chapter 18

I woke up to my alarm at 6:30. I had set the alarm last night. I wanted to make sure I wasn't late for Lara Jean, knowing how much she hates it when I was late. It was painful rolling out of bed this early on a Saturday, but I was on a mission that I was getting $100 for. 

It was well worth it. 

I threw on a T-shirt and jeans, which were terribly uncomfortable after sleeping in comfortable sweatpants. A little bit of deodorant and Axe body spray later and I was sitting in my mom's van, driving down the highway. I realize while I'm at a red light that I'm close to a little donut shop. I recognize the name immediately; I once bought these little mocha sugar donuts for Gen when she thought she was pregnant (she wasn't-thank god), and they were almost as heavenly as finding out I wasn't going to be a teen parent. I go into the turning lane and turn into the parking lot and into the store, ordering the donuts quickly and running out the door. 

It's seven-thirty "Shit, shit, shit shes gonna be pissed". I mutter to myself as I rushingly put the keys in the ignition, and speed out the parking lot. Every red light seems to last longer and longer until I'm pulling into her culdesac and into her driveway. I'm prepared for a scolding full of disappointment and passive-aggressiveness. I do damage control. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I say "But look what I brought you!" I say, emphasizing the warm, brown paper bag holding the donuts. "I stopped and got it special, right when they opened at seven-thirty. It's mocha sugar."

She broke off a piece into her mouth "Yum!"

I exhale for the first time. She's not mad.

"So I did the right thing being late, right?" I ask, she nods and takes and even bigger bite. "You did the exact right thing," she responds. 

"Hey, do you have any water?" Lara Jean asks, I reach down and grab the half-full, warm water bottle from the back of my car. She gulps it down. 

"This is the best donut I ever had," She says. I smile, "Good. You have sugar all over your face." I say, glancing at her as I pull out of the driveway.  She frantically cleans it off. "Cheeks too," I say again. 

We're driving at this point, and the car ride is quiet. "Can I put some music on?" she asks. 

"Actually, do you mind if we drive in quiet for a while? I can't have music blaring in my face before my caffeine kicks in."

 "Uh . . . sure," she said, shifting uncomfortably. Does she think she can't talk? That might have come out wrong. 

"Wait, were you wanting me to be quiet too?"

 "No, I just didn't want music. You can talk as much as you want." 

"Okay." She says.  The car is silent for a few more minutes. I don't mind the silence in a long car ride.  When it's a sunny day, long trips can be relaxing. The silence was temporary, though.  Lara Jean began asking something. 

"Hey, so what's your favorite food?" 

"I like everything."

 "But what's your favorite? Like, you're favorite- favorite. Is it macaroni and cheese, favorite thing." 

"Fine, I like cinnamon toast. That my favorite thing

"Cinnamon toast?" she repeats."You like cinnamon toast better than crab legs? Better than a cheeseburger?" 

"Yes," I say

"Better than barbecue ?"

 I hesitate for a second. "Yes! Now quit picking my choice apart. I stand by my choice."