Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

25 June, 1994 - Nightmares (III)

Lavinia had fallen into bed knowing that sleep would be elusive and she was not wrong. The image of him there, looking so incredibly peaceful, so like she remembered him... it was like a slap to the face and it seemed to spring up every time she closed her eyes, leaving her heart aching with too many memories until rest at last found her and the memories wove into dreams she didn't want. It was a fitful and light sleep when it finally came and was made no better by the fact that the bed somehow felt too big and too cold and too empty. And it didn't last long, anyway.

Lavinia was jerked from unconsciousness by the sound of yelling and gasping and half formed words that Lavinia couldn't hear but knew spoke of fear and pain and something else that had her chest caving in. Before she knew what was happening, she found herself stumbling out of bed to find the source of it, tripping over the sheets that got tangled around her feet. She'd barely even registered that she was awake and out of bed when she opened the door to her room and entered the hallway, nearly colliding with Remus as she did. She spared him a mere glance before turning her attention to the noise that had woken her in the first place.

The yelling was louder here and it became almost immediately clear why.

Still laying on the couch, Sirius was tangled up in his blankets, twisting and thrashing and though she couldn't explain it then or later, Lavinia didn't hesitate to run to him, leaving Remus standing dumbfounded in the hall behind her. She didn't think as she pushed aside hands that batted at some invisible presence like there were phantoms behind those closed eyes. She didn't consider anything at all as she grabbed Sirius's shoulders and shook him until his eyes snapped open and found her face.

And in that moment, the world stilled. Everything narrowed down to that breath, to those wide, fearful eyes fixed on her like she might be a lifeline or a savior or a dream. She didn't notice that her hands were still on him, half vice and half embrace. Didn't notice that her heart was wild in her chest. Didn't notice the click of a door closing that could only mean that Remus had gone back to his room, realizing that this was not a scene he wanted or needed to see.

"Vin?" Sirius whispered, and there was a hesitant tone to the words for all that they were a mere breath in the night. And Lavinia felt relief at the corners of her heart, but... hesitation. Not surprise. Not like he was confused why she was the one standing here when that first meeting earlier had been such an incredible disaster. Not like he was caught off guard to see her holding him late at night when it had been years and years since they had so much as brushed hands. No, he said it like he wasn't convinced she was real. Like he thought this might be just another nightmare. Like this was not the first time he'd been pulled from one hell only to see her face and have it twist into some new torment. The thought of it, of what had been done to him for so many years in Azkaban... it broke Lavinia's heart, cracked it beneath the pressure building in her chest.

"It wasn't real," she murmured, choking the words out even as she tightened her grip on her shoulders like she could make him feel that the dream was over. "This is real," she added, when his eyes still darted around, terrified and unsure. "I'm real."

There was a pause, a breath in which his eyes landed on her face again.

"You're real," he repeated, like the words were foreign and beautiful and the answer to prayers he'd been saying for years gone uncounted and that pressure built and built until Lavinia felt like her ribs might break from it. But she did not let go. She did not walk away.

"Yes," she promised, still holding tight to his shoulders, half afraid that if she released him that awful fear would return to his eyes and his face and his heart. And she didn't want it to. Because he understood that fear. Understood what it felt like to wake to phantoms and ghosts and scramble to remember what was real. And she would not wish that on anyone. No matter how much he had hurt her.