Survive, if you can // John Murphy

//28// Words Unsaid (smut)

He grins, grabbing my hips. "Thank you."

I lean closer to his ear. "Ai hod yu in, John."

I told him I loved him.

"What does that mean?" he asks, breathing a little faster.

"You'll figure it out when you learn," I respond, trailing my fingers up his sides. "I bet it feels good to have real hands on you, huh?"

He doesn't answer, pulling me away from the window and sitting me on the bed. "This has to be fast, Cam. She'll be wondering where I am."

"Fine by me," I say, grabbing his neck and pulling him on top of me.

His lips find mine quickly, hands gripping my waist and pulling me up into him. My breathing quickens as I grab either side of his face. His fingers find the hem of my shirt and he pulls it over my head. After I take off his shirt, he kisses my neck. I arch my back into him, grabbing fistfuls of his hair.

"Did you shut the door?" I ask breathily.

"Guess we'll find out," he replies, grinning and kissing me again.

My fingers go to his jeans, unbuttoning them as he pulls them all the way off. He removes my pants too. And I let him. Once we're both naked, I look over my shoulder to make sure the door is in fact closed. Lucky for me, it is. John laughs at this, kissing down my neck and to my collarbone.

"You're being paranoid, toy," he says, pushing inside of me.

I moan loudly, pressing my head back onto the mattress. He silences me with his hand on my mouth as his other hand pins down my wrists above my head. I'm still humming moans as he quickens his pace. He hits my spot and my eyes roll back into my head.

"I'll let go if you promise to be quiet," he says.

I nod quickly and he takes his hand from my mouth. I force myself to shut up. Mostly because I don't want someone to hear. I don't want Emori to hear. As I'm watching him on top of me, this guilt creeps over me. I stifle it down by leaning toward him and kissing him roughly. He groans against my lips as I feel myself getting closer.

"John-"

"Cum for me," he says quickly, breathily.

I come undone at his words. My muscles relax and I let go. He pulls out and does the same. Now we're both breathing heavy as he collapses beside me. My mind is instantly racing to Emori. I didn't think I could feel bad for her but I have this guilt in my gut. If I were in her position and she did this to me, I'd be heartbroken. Furious but heartbroken. Probably a little murderous too. Am I going to die? I ignore the thought and stand, reaching to the ground for my clothes.

"Woah. What happened to your back?" John asks me.

I get dressed first then go to the mirror in here, pulling up my tank top to reveal long, red scratches along my skin. I look over at John to find him sitting on the edge of the bed with his pants back on. His eyebrows are raised questioningly. Should I tell him the truth? I'm guessing he'd freak out a bit. I'll just downplay it.

I let out a breathy laugh. "Oh. This Trikru girl really had some nails on her. Hurt like hell but I guess I deserved it. She asked me to be gentle and I might have disobeyed. Little hypocritical, if you ask me."

"You...had sex with her?" he asks slowly, staring at my feet.

"Well, yeah. I needed a place to sleep and I needed to make sure she wouldn't kill me in my sleep or something. You'd be surprised how much Grounders will give for a good fuck," I say, shaking my head in disbelief.

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Cam-"

"No, John. You don't have any reason to do that. You slept with Ontari to survive and those people weren't any different. I needed them to live, okay? I didn't have a choice," I say, frowning.

"I was just gonna say that I wish you hadn't left," he says, standing.

I nod. "Yeah. Well, you didn't have to leave either."

"You told me to-"

"Let's not talk about it," I say, shaking my head slowly.

He nods, pulling his shirt back on and kissing me softly. "I have to go."

"I know," I say quietly.

"Bye, Cam," he says, turning and walking out the door.

"Bye," I say to the empty room in front of me.

WORD COUNT: 1305

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