What Is Love?

Chapter Seven

Ever since that day, I've been thinking about Natsuki-chan. Is that weird though? It probably is, isn't it?

She stayed with me all night, and for almost the whole day after that, just because she was worried about me. I had no idea she cared that much about me. I just thought that she stuck around me because I kind of forced her to be friends with me. But what she did wasn't something any old friend would do. If I had asked one of my other friends to come keep me company, they probably would have made up some fake excuse and bailed. Come to think of it, how many other friends do I even have? Natsuki-chan is really the only person I hang out with aside from Kai.

Natsuki-chan was being so comforting to me, too. When she hugged me, it made me feel warm and safe. I felt like I could actually get over my breakup.

I know the only other time we were in my room, we did all those things for her research, but this time was completely different.

I can also tell that she's trying to make herself comfortable with touching me. She's always so tentative and sometimes I can even catch a look on her face like she's having a really hard time deciding whether or not to do it. But when she found me, she... held me in her arms, without any hesitation this time... and it felt so special that I didn't want to let go of her. That's kind of weird though too...

I told her that she was the first thing that I thought of when I found Kai and... that other girl. It was the truth, but when I think about that, I wonder why Natsuki was the first thing I thought of after seeing something like that.

I thought about that when she asked me, too. That was the first time the thought had come to me. But then again, I was thinking about some pretty awful things for like three days straight before that, soooo...

I think my brain just automatically wanted her to be the one to comfort me. At one point it would have been Kai, but not anymore... In fact, I think it changed from Kai to Natsuki-chan way before all this.

Maybe I wanted her to be the one to comfort me because we're always together. It's been a little over four months since we first met. In that time, and almost right away, too, we always seemed to be together. And having her around is so fun! I never would have guessed when I first met her. She seems like the type that would keep to herself and bite your hand off if you tried to get near her. In all honesty though, she was actually pretty close to that point the first day we met. Although, looking back on that day makes me laugh to myself. I had clearly been bothering her, but for some reason, she put up with me anyway, and look us now.

The same thing happened when that drunk guy got me. There were other people around, capable guys too, but I wanted Natsuki-chan to save me. Then when she did, I was so grateful, I almost forgot about making sure she didn't end up wasting the guy who had harassed me.

I never told Kai because I thought it would be too much of an inconvenience for him to get all worked up about it. He ended up getting worked up about it anyway, though. That's why I stopped Natsuki-chan from walking away during our conversation. I didn't want to face him alone.

Kai and I have always had a complicated relationship. We weren't like your average couple. Not any more anyway. We had a time when we went out together all the time, and had fun, but this year we were just both so busy that we ended up rarely seeing each other. Even though I had a lot less time with him, I wasn't lonely... because I had Natsuki-chan.

I always enjoy the time I spend with Natsuki-chan. Actually, I sometimes find myself thinking that I want to spend more time with her.

The day when I pulled that crazy trifecta for her research, I don't even know what possessed me to suggest something like that. Then I actually followed through on it! I'll admit, I had a serious moment of consideration before I kissed her. Ahhhh, "I kissed her." Even just thinking that in my head, fills me with so many emotions at once that I can't keep track of them all.