Survive, if you can // John Murphy

//05// Helpful Distractions (smut)

"That's what being banished means," Bellamy says sarcastically.

He walks past me along with Clarke. Finn starts to but stops at my ear. "I gave him a knife."

I clench my jaw, looking up at him. "My fucking hero."

He walks off and I frown, going to John's tent. I suppose it's mine now. Once I'm inside, I sit on the mattress and dig my nails into the fur. How the hell am I supposed to stay calm if I don't have him to regulate me? He didn't know what he was doing but he fixed my moods when they were worse. I'm not attached to him or anything I just...need sex to survive.

My eyes land on the book in my bag. That was what he wanted. He said I should read the book. And now he might be dead and I can't let him down like this. So, I grab the book and open the cover without thinking. There's little, black letters on the inside of the cover in my mother's handwriting.

I know you're lost right now but I believe that you can fix yourself. I might be floated for this, Camari, but I needed to write this down. My complete faith is in you to change. You have all the power, my beautiful girl. I know you can do it. I'm so proud of you.

-Momma

Tears are spilling down my cheeks already as I trail my fingertips over her words. The only reason I'm crying is because her faith was wasted. I didn't change. I've had sex three days in a row with a sociopath and kissed a different guy earlier tonight. My problems have inflated. Maybe it's too late for me. I might as well just give in already. This is where my life is heading. I should embrace it. I'm too caught up in her message that I almost forget to check what the rest of the book says.

I turn to the first page, finding a drawing of two people fighting. One has an axe and the other holds a sword. My hands flip the pages quickly and I continue to see fighting positions with captions and small descriptions. I can learn well from this. It seems like these strategies are well coordinated and the technique seems a little complicated. It's the same technique that my mother taught me. I'm guessing she learned from this book. Well, I might as well use it.

"What's that!?"

I put the book down, rushing to the entrance of the tent and stepping outside. Everyone's eyes are to the sky. I follow their gaze, seeing some kind of flaming mass hurling through space. It's headed down here. It goes out of sight through some trees. What the hell was that?

I'm rushing to someone for answers, soon realizing that Clarke and Finn are both missing. They must've finally decided to bang out their issues. I find Bellamy looking up at the sky with a worried expression.

"What was that?" I ask him.

He looks over at me. "The Ark must be sending us help."

"Wonderful," I reply sarcastically.

He faces me. "Why do you sound disappointed?"

"Only because you might've had the slightest point when you were being a fucking dictator. They won't forgive our crimes. They might've sent us down here to die but at the end of the day, they'll always feel superior, right?" I say, hugging myself since it's gotten a little cold.

"Do you wanna come with me to make sure they'll never come down here?" he asks, smiling just a bit.

I scowl, turning to face him. "Just because I agree with one of your points doesn't mean I'm not actively angered by you. John was worth saving and you might not have seen that but I did. So, go on your little mission alone, dick."

I spin on my heel, walking back to my tent. Maybe I can learn some new fighting positions. God knows it'll distract me which is just what I need right now.