The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (male reader insert)

Chapter 6: Erebor

Bilbo: The Arkenstone. And what's that?
Thorin: That, Master Burglar, is why you are here.
[Bilbo looks around at the dwarves suddenly realizing the task ahead of him]
[back in the Lake-town at Bard's house Kili continues to be agonized by the poison in his leg]
Bofur: Can you not do something?
Oin: I need herbs, something to bring down his fever.
Bard: We have nightshade, feverfew...
Oin: They're no use to me. Do you have any Kingsfoil?
Bard: No, it's a weed. We feed it to the pigs.
Bofur: Pigs?
[to himself as he gets an idea]
Bofur: Weed? Right.
[turning to the pain riddled Kili lying in bed]
Bofur: Don't move.
[he turns and leaves the house]
[as they walk further in through the mountain]
Bilbo: You want me to find a jewel?
Balin: A large white jewel, yes.
Bilbo: That-that's it? Only I imagine there's quite a few down there.
Balin: There is only one Arkenstone. And you'll know it when you see it.
Bilbo: Right.
[Balin walks on ahead and stops]
Balin: In truth, lad. I do not know what you will find down there. You needn't go if you don't want to. There's no dishonor in turning back.
Bilbo: No. Balin, I promised I would do this. And I think I must try.
[Balin chuckles]
Balin: It never ceases to amaze me.
Bilbo: What's that?
Balin: The courage of hobbits. Go now, with as much luck as you can muster.
[Bilbo nods and starts making his way down the steps]
Balin: Oh, and, Bilbo.
Bilbo: Mm?
Balin: If there is in fact a um...a live dragon down there...don't waken it.
[Bilbo nods, turns to make his way down again but stops goes to ask Balin something but sees that Balin has already walked off leaving him on his own]
[back in Dol Guldur Gandalf continues to try and draw the Necromancer out when suddenly Azog and his Orcs arrive to attack, Azog knocks down Gandalf]
Azog: [subtitled] You have come too late, Wizard! It is done.
[as Azog goes to hit Gandalf again Gandalf uses his magic to ward him off]
Gandalf: Where is your master? Where is he?
Azog: [subtitled] He is everywhere. We are legion!
[Gandalf looks down the edge of a cliff and sees all the masses of Orcs beneath]
Azog: [subtitled] It is over.
[as Azog goes to attack Gandalf suddenly uses his magic to disappears with blinding white light; to his Orcs]
Azog: [subtitled] Run him down!
[as the Orcs chase Gandalf hears the Necromancer's voice]
The Necromancer: [subtitled] There is no light, Wizard...that can defeat darkness.
[as the Necromancer attacks Gandalf uses his power to form a shield around himself and a duel begins as Gandalf tries to ward off the Necromancer's attacks but the Necromancer overpowers Gandalf, destroying his staff and pinning him to the wall, he then reveals himself taking the shape of a man while a fire forms around him]
Gandalf: Sauron.
[back inside the mountain, Bilbo enters the area where all the treasure has been kept]
Bilbo: Hello.
[he goes to knock on the wall but stops and looks around for a moment before continuing to walk further inside]
Bilbo: He's not at home. Not at home. Good. Good, good, good.
[he looks down and sees a sea of gold, he walks down quietly through it and starts looking through a pile of gold for the Arkenstone, he picks up a large gem]
Bilbo: What's that?
[he shakes it, looks at it then throws it aside, but as it hits the gold coins it makes a loud noise]
Bilbo: Shush. Shush.
[to himself as he looks around him]
Bilbo: Arkenstone. Arkenstone. A large, white jewel.
[he looks at the piles and piles of gold]
Bilbo: Very helpful.

[he walks through the mountain of treasure and as he picks up a gold cup it releases a pile of gold to slide down which reveals the eye of Smaug as he sleeps under the gold]
[Bilbo tries to quietly sneak past the sleeping Smaug but the dragon awakens, Bilbo uses the ring to turn himself invisible and watches Smaug as he sniffs and turns to his direction]
Smaug: Well, thief...
[Smaug takes another sniff]
Smaug: I smell you. I hear your breath. I feel your air. Where are you? Where are you?!
[Bilbo makes a run for it through the gold with Smaug following his movements until Bilbo hides behind a pillar]
Smaug: Come, now. Don't be shy. Step into the light.
[Smaug looks around him]
Smaug: Mm. There is something about you. Something you carry. Something made of gold. But far more...precious.
[the word 'precious' echoes in Bilbo's head and for a moment he sees Sauron's eye and he quickly takes off the ring and then realizes he's revealed himself to Smaug]
Smaug: There you are, thief in the shadows.
Bilbo: I did not come to steal from you, oh Smaug, the unaccessibly wealthy. I merely wanted to gaze upon your magnificence. To see if you really were as great as the old tales say. I did not believe them.
[Smaug steps around Bilbo to stand in front of him to reveal his full stature]
Smaug: And do you now?
Bilbo: Truly. The tales and songs fall utterly short of your enormity, oh Smaug, the stupendous.
Smaug: Do you think flattery will keep you alive?
Bilbo: No. No.
Smaug: No indeed. You seem familiar with my name. But I don't remember smelling your kind before. Who are you and where do you come from, may I ask?
[as Bilbo goes to answer suddenly from the corner of his eye he spots the Arkenstone]
Bilbo: I...I come from under the hill.
Smaug: Underhill?
[Bilbo nods his head and takes another peek at the Arkenstone from the corner of his eye]
Bilbo: And under hills and over hills my path has led. And...and through the air, I am he who walks unseen.
Smaug: Impressive, what else do you claim to be?
[Smaug brings in his face close to Bilbo]
Bilbo: I am...luck...luck wearer, riddle...riddle maker.
Smaug: Lovely titles. Go on.
Bilbo: Barrel rider.
Smaug: Barrels? Now that is interesting. And what about your little dwarf friends? Where are they hiding?
[Bilbo pretends he doesn't understand what Smaug is referring to]
Bilbo: Dw...dwarves? No. No, no. No dwarves here. You've got that all wrong.
Smaug: Oh, I don't think so, barrel rider. They sent you in here to do their dirty work while they skulk about outside.
Bilbo: Truly, you are mistaken, oh Smaug, chiefest and greatest of calamities.
Smaug: You have nice manners for a thief and a liar. I know the smell and taste of Dwarf. No one better. It is the gold, they are drawn to treasure like flies to dead flesh.
[Bilbo tries to stealthily walk towards the Arkenstone without drawing attention from Smaug, but Smaug moves and the Arkenstone falls further down the pile of gold coins, Bilbo runs after it]
Smaug: Did you think I did not know this day would come? That a pack of canting dwarves would come crawling back to the mountain.
[Smaug moves around causing Bilbo to fall down the heap of gold coins, outside the dwarves hear and feel the rumblings from inside the mountain]
Ori: Was that an earthquake?
Balin: That, my lad, was a dragon.
[back in Lake-town at Bard's house as (y/n) is yelling from his pain they all suddenly feel the earth shake making the house rumble]
Sigrid: Da?
Bain: It's coming from the mountain.
Fili: You should leave us. Take your children and get out of here.
Kili: He's right.
Bard: And go where? There is nowhere to go.
Tilda: Are we going to die, Da?
Bard: No, darling.
Tilda: The dragon, it's going to kill us.
[Bard takes the last arrow of Girion]
Bard: Not if I kill it first.
[back inside the mountain]
Smaug: The King Under the Mountain is dead. I took his throne, I ate his people like a wolf among sheep.
[as Smaug continues to move around the Arkenstone keeps falling around the pile of gold and *Bilbo frantically tries to go after it to grab hold of it]
Smaug: I kill where I wish, when I wish. My armor is iron. No blade can pierce me!
[in Lake-town Bard sneaks out holding the black arrow planning to get to the wind-lance, Bain follows him]
Bard: Alright.
Bain: A Black Arrow. Why did you never tell me?
Bard: Because you did not need to know.
[they hide as they notice some guards walking nearby]
Bard: Listen to me carefully, I need you to distract the guards. Once I'm at the top of the tower, I'll slip the arrow to the bow.
[suddenly the guards notice them]
Lake-town Guard: There he is! Guards, after him!
[to Bain]
Bard: Quickly! Down there! Go!
Lake-town Guard: Stop him!
[Bard and Bain make a run for it as the guards chase after them]
Bard: Bain...Bain.
[they stop and Bard hands him the Black Arrow]
Bard: Keep it safe. Don't let anyone find it.
Bain: No.
[they hear the guards getting closer]
Bard: I'll deal with them!
Bain: I'm not leaving!
Bard: Go!
[Bain turns and runs off with the arrow, Bard steps out just as the guards reach them]
Bard: Braga.
Braga: You're under arrest.
Bard: On what charge?
Braga: Any charge the Master chooses.
[suddenly Bard punches Braga in the face he attacks the other guards and makes a run for it, at the same time Bain hides the arrow inside their boat, then as Bard tries to get away from the guards he's tripped by Alfrid and then knocked out with a piece of wood by the Master]
[outside the mountain as they hear Smaug moving around]
Ori: What about Bilbo?
Thorin: Give him more time.
Balin: Time to do what? To be killed?
Thorin: You're afraid.
Balin: Yes, I'm afraid. I fear for you. A sickness lies upon that treasure horde. A sickness which drove your grandfather mad.
Thorin: I am not my grandfather.
Balin: You're not yourself. The Thorin I know would not hesitate to go in there.
Thorin: I will not risk this quest for the life of one burglar.
Balin: Bilbo. His name is Bilbo.
[inside the mountain Smaug continues threatening Bilbo]
Smaug: It's Oakenshield. That filthy dwarvish usurper. He sent you in here for the Arkenstone, didn't he?
[he moves to stand right beside where the Arkenstone is now lying]
Bilbo: No! No, no, no. I don't know what you're talking about.
Smaug: Don't bother denying it. I guessed his foul purpose some time ago. But it matters not. Oakenshield's quest will fail. A darkness is coming. It will spread to every corner of the land.
[in Dol Guldur Gandalf has been kept inside a hanging cage, he looks down to see the army of Orcs preparing to leave; in Lake-town we see Bolg and his pack of Orcs sneak in]
Smaug: You are being used, thief in the shadows. You were only ever a means to an end. The coward Oakenshield has weighed the value of your life and found it worth nothing.
Bilbo: No. No, you're lying.
Smaug: What did he promise you? A share of the treasure? As if it was his to give. I will not part with a single coin. Not one piece of it!
[at that moment Bilbo makes a run for it to grab the Arkenstone, but Smaug moves his body again which causes Bilbo and the Arkenstone to go flying in the air and landing back onto the pile of gold]
Smaug: My teeth are swords, my claws are spears. My wings are a hurricane!
[as Smaug stomps in front of Bilbo he notices the spot in Smaug's chest where Girion had managed to pierce him with his arrow]
Bilbo: So it is true. The Black Arrow found its mark.
Smaug: What did you say?
Bilbo: I-I was just saying, your reputation precedes you, oh Smaug, the tyrannical. Truly, you have no equal on this earth.
[Bilbo takes a few steps back to stand next to where the Arkenstone now lies, he looks at it]
Smaug: I am almost tempted to let you take it, if only to see Oakenshield suffer. Watch it destroy him, watch it corrupt his heart and drive him mad. But I think not, I think our little game ends here. So tell me, thief. How do you choose to die?
[as Smaug brings his head towards Bilbo and opens his mouth suddenly Bilbo uses his ring to disappear and run out of there, this angers Smaug and he unleashes his fire]
[in Lake-town Bard wakes up in a prison cell, outside as Bofur finds the Kingsfoil the Orcs follow him as he makes his way back to Bard's house]
Sigrid: Da? Is that you, Da?
[suddenly the Orcs attack, Sigrid, Tilda and Bain try to ward them off with Fili joining in to fight them off, outside Bofur is attacked by an Orc and just as he's about to be killed an arrow is shot from the back into the Orc, suddenly Tauriel and Legolas arrive and start killing the Orcs inside Bard's house, one of them manages to escape and meets Bolg]
Orc: [subtitled] Oakenshield has gone!
Bolg: [subtitled] Fall back! Regroup at the bridge!
[as Legolas and Tauriel kill the Orcs inside the house Legolas notices the rest of the Orc pack running off]
Bain: You killed them all.
Legolas: There are others. Tauriel, come.
[Tauriel hesitates, (y/n) lies on the floor moaning in pain, Oin looks to Tauriel]
Oin: We're losing him!
[Tauriel looks at Legolas]
Legolas: Tauriel.
[Legolas leaves to chase after the Orcs, Tauriel takes a step towards the door to follow him but hesitates as she's torn about leaving (y/n) in so much pain, at the same time Bofur arrives with the Kingsfoil]
Kiki: He's fine will eat him out go!.
Tauriel: Athelas.
[she takes it from Bofur]
Tauriel: Athelas.
Bofur: What are you doing?
Tauriel: I'm going to save him.
[Thorin enters the mountain to go and save Bilbo but finds no one there when Bilbo suddenly runs up behind him]
Thorin: You're alive.
Bilbo: Not for much longer.
Thorin: Did you find the Arkenstone?
Bilbo: The dragon's coming!
Thorin: The Arkenstone? Did you find it?
[Bilbo hesitates a moment]
Bilbo: No, we have to get out.
[Bilbo takes a step to leave but Thorin stops him by placing his sword in front of him]
Bilbo: Thorin.
[Thorin use his sword to push Bilbo back]
Bilbo: Thorin!
[Thorin keeps his sword pointed at Bilbo looking at him threateningly, at that moment Bilbo sees Smaug behind Thorin who then turns to face Smaug, then the other dwarves arrive and Smaug stomps towards them]
Smaug: You will burn!
Thorin: Come on!
[the dwarves start running off]
Balin: Come on, Bilbo!
[the dragon unleashes his fire again catching Thorin as he leaves, but the dwarves help him to put out the fire caught by his clothes]
Thorin: Come on.
[Thorin leads them off]
[at Bard's house Tauriel prepares the Kingsfoil, Fili, kili, Bofur and Oin help carry (y/n) to the table as he continues to be agonized by the poison in his leg]
Tauriel: Hold him down.
[Tauriel looks at (y/n) wound then holding the Kingsfoil in her hands she recites an elf incantation and applies it to (y/n)s wound, (y/n) screams in pain and Sigrid goes to help hold him down]
(Y/n): [subtitle]: *smiles in pain*Thank you Tauriel.
Sigrid: Tilda!
[Tilda helps keep (y/n) down, as Tauriel continues her incantation (y/n) begins to calm down and as he looks at Tauriel he sees a light shining around her]
[back inside the mountain as the dwarves try to get away from Smaug, Thorin comes to a halt]
Thorin: Ssh. Ssh-ssh.
[he looks around but doesn't see or hear Smaug]
Dori: We've given him the slip.
Dwalin: No, he's too cunning for that.
Bilbo: So where to now?
Thorin: The western guard room. There may be a way out.