I Would

Chapter 18

Being around Jennie always felt bitter sweet. No matter how amazing it felt to be like this, Lisa will always be wanting more. And, the longer she loves Jennie, the harder it is to quiet down her heart because all it does is chant her name.

All her heart did was reach for the brunette, hoping the brunettes heart would be reaching right back. But, how could it when another heart was already holding on?

Lisa clenched her eyes and pressed a lingering kiss on Jennie's head, quietly sighing as she felt the korean melting into her side even more, squeezing her hand. Lisa pulled back and smiled slightly, "I don't either."

Lisa wondered how long she had been awake, but the thought always seemed to vanish because, waking up to the sight of a sleeping angel erased every single thought in her head. Well, maybe not everything per se, because one cute snore from the girl beside her had her melting and only thinking about her and how someone could look so pretty early in the morning.

It must have been barely past six because the sunlight wasn't so bright and the air was stilled and silent and the only bright thing in her room was the person that laid in front of her.

Jennie's eyes were closed as she laid on her side, one hand resting under her cheek while the other rested in the space between them. Her lips slightly parted, gentle beat of her breathing slipping through. Peaceful, Jennie looked so peaceful.

Strands of soft brown hair covered her cheeks and Lisa didn't even fight the urge to lift her hand and push the hair away to present the beauty that she was graced with. She watched her thumb brush along her cheek bones, barely touching but close enough to feel the warmth. She watched her fingertips trail down, grazing her jaw thinking how perfect Jennie looked.

Lisa fingers danced around her skin, as if to memorize the beautiful structure of her features. Unique, soft and so damn beautiful. She continuously and softly brushed her fingers through Jennie's hair and she didn't know how long she was hypnotized by how soft her hair felt because Jennie's eyes were openly staring at her.

She would've pulled her hand away but Jennie's brown eyes looked at her so warmly as if silently telling her it's okay. But, was it? Was it okay to be staring at someone with so much longing and desperation when they were indeed taken? At the moment, Lisa didn't care.

"Good morning," Jennie voiced out, tone clouded with sleep but eyes looking so awake. The light that peeked from the window made her eyes look so alive and so light that it had the air in the back of Lisa's breath hitch from how amazing it looked.

She chuckled quietly, running her hands through brown hair, occasionally and gently scratching Jennie's scalp, loving the way Jennie hummed with a happy smile.

"Good morning," Lisa whispered, too scared to speak any louder in case her voice would show how scared she was at that very moment. Jennie's eyes were solely focused on her and Lisa wondered if her eyes spoke the unspoken words she refused to shed. And, she wondered if Jennie was okay with it.

Jennie scooted closer, reaching over and gripping the hem of Lisa's shirt, "Why are you awake?" she asks, fluttering her eyelids closed as Lisa began to trace her cheeks again. A soft touch.

Lisa wanted to say that her heart chose to wake her up the moment her warmth grew close, but she decided to simply say, "I don't know."

Jennie giggled quietly, opening her eyes again and Lisa's heart drummed against her bones. Those eyes, warm, soft and something else that Lisa couldn't read. Or maybe she could read it but refused to read it because this was Jennie. Jennie may look easy to read, but when Lisa would try to look deeper into the window of Jennie's soul, that window would instantly close.

But, at that moment, the window was slightly open, allowing Lisa to take peak to something that might change their dynamic. Jennie was allowing Lisa to really and truly look at her. But, Jennie looked so scared. She was scared of being vulnerable so Lisa smiled softly, a silent understanding. Jennie tried, but, she just wasn't ready.

Patience.

"What an answer," Jennie teased, closing her eyes and scooting closer, dipping her head to hide under Lisa's chin. Her arms slid across Lisa waist and hugged tightly. Lisa's heart was racing so loudly that when Jennie let out a tiny gasp and held her even tighter, Lisa knew she heard it. But again, said nothing about it. Lisa chuckled, wrapping her arm around Jennie,

"I like this feeling," Jennie whispered, cuddling closer to Lisa's warmth, her breath hitting the skin of Lisa's neck. She couldn't help but shiver as her warm breath tickled the tiny hairs on her neck. Lisa held Jennie tighter,

"What feeling?"

"The feeling of being safe," Jennie slowly pulled her face back to stare at Lisa, "You make me feel safe." Brown feline eyes boring into hers that looked so tender and affectionate and Lisa smiled because she makes Jennie feel safe.

"I really like that feeling Lis." Jennie's voice trembled. She sounded so scared and Lisa wanted to tell her that she had no reason to be because,

"I don't ever want you to feel any less Jennie," She lifted her hand and pressed her palm softly against her cheek, rubbing her thumb against her warm, delicate skin, staring intently into fearful eyes,

"You're amazing Jennie and you deserve the world." She whispered ever so quietly and Jennie smiled so wide that it reached her eyes and Lisa was ready to risk it all once again, "Jennie, I.."

"Oh-oh-oh-oh! Yeah we some bitches you can't manage.."

They flinched slightly. Lisa raised her eyebrows in amusement, chuckling, trying to hide her disappointment, "Is that your ringtone?"

She pulled back, smiling even more seeing a deep blush of embarrassment on Jennie's cheeks. The brunette sat up and reached for her phone on the side table,

"Shut up," she teased, playfully glaring before answering the phone without looking at the caller ID, "Hello?" But then Jennie's smile dropped and her eyes stared at Lisa, ghostly and unreadable, "Hey...Tae."

Oh.

Lisa nodded, slowly getting up and looking away, not wanting to show the disappointment and how utterly upset and jealous she was. Maybe even frustrated because God, damnit, why couldn't he just go away and stop blocking her path. She opened the door of the bathroom door and hazarded a glance to Jennie.

And when she did, there was a flicker of frustration and desperation in those feline eyes and Lisa wished she wasn't feeling so down because maybe if she wasn't so sad, she might have understood the look.

But, after a few minutes of hiding in the restroom, Lisa walked out to a Jennie that barely looked at her, saying, "He apologized."

It was a simple statement but it also wasn't. Because if it was so simple, then maybe it wouldn't have shattered Lisa's heart. Because, her saying that meant that her and Taehyung were okay again and it was another step back, a higher wall, a thicker wall that covered the trail to Jennie's heart.

"Oh." Her tone sounded harsh, she didn't mean to but she was beyond frustrated. Jennie instantly met her eyes and widened slightly because Lisa's eyes looked defeated and cold and she just needed to get out of the room.

"I'm just going to go eat some cereal," Lisa whispered, ready to make her way out but then Jennie's hand was holding her wrist. The hand trembled but Lisa had no strength to worry about it,

"Wait for me?" The voice was soft and so scared, maybe even desperate. It was a tone Lisa was never accustomed to but she knew there was a hidden meaning to it. Lisa slowly met worried brown eyes and forced out a small grin,

"For how long Jen?" She asked. And, for the second time in knowing Jennie, Jennie was speechless. And Lisa left the room with a clenched heart.

How long am I suppose to wait for you to be ready?