The Nightly Montage

A Shortcut to Death

"There's a problem."

"What, he's not dead enough for you?"

"Oh no, his condition is perfect," Death replied. "And thank you for minimizing the mess; your kind seems to have...an unhealthy flair for the dramatic."

"This one was an exception." I stepped over to the body. In ideal circumstances, I would have done it my way: a clever and painful death, just what he deserved. He had broken more than a few bones of my comrades, dropping them in ugly situations without lifting a single finger. A genius schemer I could respect. One who felt he was above dirtying his own hands, ordering his henchmen around while lacking a sense of dignity had no mercy from me. As Death predicted, he had finally made a mistake by taking a shortcut through the thick woods, which eliminated the chance of him being caught, and in turn his body being discovered. A poisoned dart was too simple. But it wasn't every day that Death showed up at your door asking for a favour, especially one that guaranteed a smooth kill.

"This won't do," Death sighed. "The Sloth lives up to his name, I'd give him that."

"What?"

"It's as I feared. Even in death, his soul is lazy as the worst humans could come. Why, the last time I had to deal with such a tardy soul was with a pampered cat, the feline atrocity. But I finally discovered their weakness: water."

Then he clapped his hands. "Of course! Fetch me a flask from the creek," he demanded.

I found no room to argue in his logic, though his tone had me fuming as I went to fill my flask with fresh, freezing water. I returned and dumped it on the Sloth. It took all of my self-control not to jump as the body jerked once, twice. Pale wisps of white rose from the corpse and collected in Death's open palm, slowly dissolving into nothing.

"Human nature is astonishing," Death said.

"I would think you'd have enough experience with us to know," I said.

Death stepped into the shadows. He gave the slightest hint of a smile. "I do. Very well, in fact. But you seem to know your place, and I have other matters that demand my immediate attention, so I will leave you with this: I may be fooled, but I am always punctual."

And then he was gone, leaving me to chuckle at the irony of it all.

Don't ask me about the banner picture. XD