Solitary

Chapter 48- One Machete Please

"No." Christine shakes her head.

"Because I don't lie. Or I try my damn best not to. No one likes an aggressive person that can tell you the truth without flinching. People don't like hearing the truth, and it's not hard to guess why. When you have someone pointing out your own faults and insecurities it only shows how blind you are to yourself." I give a sarcastic snort.

"And what about you? Are you blind to yourself?"

"I try my best not to be. I know my faults, I know what I'm insecure about. I know me better than anyone else will and that fact will never change. But people would rather lie to make things easier."

"I think people lie because they're afraid. And I think they tell the truth for that same reason." Christine sits up. "Think you push everyone away, or try your hardest to because you don't feel like you deserve any love or attention from anyone that might want to give it."

"I think you try your hardest to push yourself into my life because you think you can change me." I retort.

"I'm not trying to." She shakes her head. "I want to show you that not all relationships are bad. That having a friend can be good and that you don't have to be alone."

"So you're trying to save me then?" I laugh. "Alright, you think there's a chance for me? You think I can be saved?"

"You're not a damsel Sol. You don't need saving. But I know that there is more love in you then you care to admit. Amber didn't take it all."

"Amber killed me." I snap. The rage inside me coming to a simmer. But I take a calming breath, continuing to speak. "Do you know what happens to a young wolf when they've been turned away by their pack, their family; and their mate? Their wolves become twisted. Mentally and physically to a degree. Grits is a coping mechanism for me because if I don't do it, then I'm harming innocent people on the street. My mind and my connection to my wolf is so warped I need to take extra precautions on certain things."

"Like what? How do you mean?" She sits up intrigued.

"Like when the full moon comes. I need to lock myself in a room I'm renting from the landlord in the second sub basement of my building. I become so violent and unhinged, it makes grits look like a daycare. It's hours and hours of unbridled physical and mental pain, it's the closest to hell I'll ever get to."

"Isn't there anything else you can do?"

"I've already tried everything. Sedation, drugs, chaining myself with silver, you can ask Seffy about that one. Even hypnotherapy by a witch when I was eighteen. Everything you could think of, I've done it."

"I've never heard of this. I've been alive for five hundred and twenty years, I've never heard of anyone ever going through things like this." Her voice sounding small.

"Because you're a Lycan. You just hang around with other lycans. You're chances of ever hearing about this are slim because most people die during these things or they just straight up kill themselves. Deadman tell no tales, right?" I say. "And no one even cares what happens to wolves like me anyways."

Carefully driving down the highway as the rain beats against the car. Christine is silent for a moment, like she was contemplating what I said.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. None of it had anything to do with you anyways so how could it be your fault. There's nothing you need to be sorry for, Christine." My tone even and my anger subsiding.