Cured [ManxMan]

Chapter Twenty-Eight

"You aren't," he insisted, a thread of that panic lacing his words now, his voice shaking slightly. "You've had the cure, you're not a zombie anymore."

"Actually..." We both turned our attention to Kiara, who watched me with sad eyes, her usual smile gone. "Based on the results from his blood tests, the cure isn't working anymore. Topher has been reverting back to a more zombie-like state. It seems to have more or less stabilized in the last few days, and I don't think he'll get much worse from here, but I'd estimate the level of the virus in his blood to be maybe 75 percent of what a normal zombie has. Based on how quickly they can recognize someone is infected, I doubt they would suspect him."

"And then what," Mattie pointed out. His eyes were wide now, his calm exterior cracking to show his desperation, and my chest ached to watch it, "you shake them off somehow and come back?"

I hesitated, but finally said, "No." There was silence, giving me a moment to gather my thoughts before continuing. "Even if... I get... away... from horde... wouldn't... come back." My voice cracked, and I swallowed, trying to wet my throat so I could continue. "Dangerous... could lead... others back... besides... too much... zombie... might hurt... someone."

"You wouldn't," Mattie insisted. "You would never hurt any of us."

He sounded confident, but I... wasn't. In fact, I was far more confident that eventually I would crack, whether it be days, weeks, even months or years from now, eventually circumstances would line up just right and I wouldn't be able to resist the temptation and I would hurt someone, and the idea of that... the idea of causing anyone pain... the idea of hurting Mattie...

I looked up to find Mattie was crying, and I was crying too, but I let the tears come, embraced the pain I could still feel. Would I still be able to feel this way after I left the influence of the humans? Or would my mind eventually revert to a zombie state as well? And wouldn't that be better? Better than feeling this pain every day for the rest of my life?

"I can't... hurt you," I choked out. "I wouldn't... be able... to live... with myself."

"You won't, Toph." Mattie moved forward, closing the distance between us. I turned my face away, trying not to breathe in his scent too much. "Please, I can't lose you again."

The tears only came faster at the pain in his voice. The last thing I wanted was to hurt him, but stay or leave, I was just causing him different types of pain. "I have to," I said.

Mattie reached up to wipe my tears away, but Kiara caught his wrist before he could. "Every fluid is infectious," she reminded him, and there was pain in her voice as well, and a deep sadness.

She pulled Mattie back a few steps, and I reached up to wipe my own tears away, unable to bring myself to face them. All I wanted was to burrow into Mattie's arms and never leave, but I was dangerous, my tears could infect him, or being that close might provoke me to attack him.

So they all watched me, unable to approach, unable to comfort me or even say a proper goodbye. I held out my hand and Mattie took it, holding tightly as if to prevent me from leaving, though we'd all started coming to terms with the reality of the situation, and that was that I was indeed leaving, and would probably never see any of them ever again.

"I'll find you again," Mattie assured me, as if hearing my thoughts. "Kiara will fix the cure and I'll find you again. Now that I know you're out there, I won't abandon you again."

He sounded so sure, but I wasn't. That was okay though. Even if I would have preferred he gave up, even if it would have been better if he moved on again, knowing he was still here waiting, knowing he was still fighting for me... it gave me hope too. And maybe that would be enough to keep me fighting too. Maybe we would see each other again.

I smiled. "I love you... Mattie."

He choked on a sob, his hand tightening impossibly around mine. "I love you so, so much Toph."

And then, while Kiara stayed behind with Mattie, letting him bury his face against her shoulder, his own shaking with his sobs, I followed Ajay down from the roof and toward the wall a decent distance away from the horde where a gate was hidden. He unlocked it then turned to clap me on the shoulder. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. I knew he was wishing me luck, wishing for my safety, hoping he'd see me again. I tried for a smile, to show him I understood, but the muscles in my face barely twitched. I thought he still got the idea.

I stood with my hand on the latch that would let me through the gate, release me from the base and possibly the last fragments of my human life, and looked back on more time. Mattie and Kiara still stood on the roof, now watching me, and even though his face was red and tearstained, I still thought Mattie was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

And this time, I vowed I wouldn't ever forget. 

Posted: 9/29/2020

Word Count: 1710

..... the end?

<3Koda