Empress of the Phoenix King (BWWM)

Shadow Memories

For some reason I do this thing where i'll write an entire chapter but I dont like it?? Like it doesn't feel natural at all so i'll try to tweak it here and there, trying to make it better. Then I hate it more, write a completely NEW chapter- and that's what you guys get! Everyone on wattpad probably does this and maybe it's just a writers process

I shifted, turned and shuffled. But all attempts to feel comfortable were in vain. Why did it have to be Saturday of all days that I couldn't even sleep in to be lazy, almost as if I'd never had a comfortable night on this bed. The more I tossed, the angrier I became that I wasn't getting the solace I needed. And the birds making their morning tweets didn't help.

"Fuck this.." I throw the sheets off of me, stomping to the bathroom and turning on the faucet for cold water. Cupping it, I rinse the icy liquid into my skin. Forcing my self to endure the chill as it wasn't like I was cozy to begin with. Might as well torture myself even more. Shutting off the water, I start taking in my appearance in the mirror. Brown skin. Hair straight and dark..What did Jessie even see in me?

I didn't consider myself to be ugly but I wasn't some profound Helen of Troy? I'd seen much prettier girls than myself. It was impossible, I was skinny and bookish. He was charming and athletic Not to mention Since I rejected him a few days ago, I'd been having this nagging feeling..that even if I did somehow like Jessie in that way..I wasn't supposed to be with him. Maybe it's the universe. Ma says I should rely on my instincts and not ignore signs.

So what exacty made him want to court me so bad? If it is the fact that I didn't want him for money- that is just because I see him as a friend. And friends aren't money bags, they're your companions. And Jessie as someone who may be lonely at the top has to be mistaking our friendship as romance..

Wait..is that it?

"A misunderstanding.." I say aloud

Of course..what else would it be? Jessie only felt this attraction to me because he didn't have any other females around him who he could trust! That has to be it! A smile begins to be revealed on my face as relief washing over me.

I went back into my room to fetch my phone. The first things I notice are the countless missed calls I recieved from Mama and Papa, it was like a tag team competition to who could annoy me the most. They mean well but they've become too much after..nevermind. I swipe clear their call notifications and hit Jessies contact.

My fingers ghost around the keypad before I breathe in then text Jessie.

"I know you probably hate me more than anything but..Can we talk? Face to face?..Please?"

I was still extremely nervous. Though I was a counselor and met many great kids, I didn't make a long lasting connction outside of work hours with anyone but Jessie.

Yes, I sound like a loser but Jessie was my only friend

We haven't spoken since the rejection last week. Still so vividly I can feel every emotion I felt in that moment. And the crushed look in his eyes when he silently stormed out of my office, not sparing me another glance. Sigh..why did he have to be so childish about it. It wasn't like I told him that I didn't want to be around him- just that I didn't look at him in that way.

My phone buzzed quickly, a simple "Be at your office in 15." lit up on the screen. "Ughhh" It truly disappointed me that his chilling attitude towards me was even coming out in his texts. It wasn't like him to be this way..

A part of me wanted to say yes to Jessie.

Just so that the guilt of not being able to acept him wouldn't continue to eat away at me. I didn't have any close friends here at the school. The reason lights up on my phone once again when my phone begins to vibrate