worst years of my life ➡️ td highschool ✔️

immune to pain

!! TW; mentions of abuse !!

scott.

i've gotta get my shit together. especially if i wanna leave this town when i graduate. my plan was to get a football scholarship to any college that was far away from the majority of my family. i'm too tired of dealing with everything and everyone, specifically my dad.

i was sitting in his truck right now, listening to him yell at me because he had to pick me up from school early, all because duncan wanted to pick a fight with me. yeah, we'll put it that way.

“scott, why do you have to be such a hardheaded kid?” he asks.

i sit in silence knowing he was nowhere near finished.

“your mother and i did raise you to be such a dumbass! matter of fact, i should send you to military school.”

“please, no.” i mumble.

my dad then raises his fist, yelling “then get your shit together!”

i flinched, and he saw me, but he doesn't care. he knows that i'm used to it, and he doesn't give a shit. and i knew he was about to start a whole nother conversation like nothing ever happened.

“so, are you still hanging out with that cheerleader girl from the academy?”

see?

i'd completely forgotten about amy. we hadn't texted in like, a week, and i'm glad, because now it's off my conscience, which dawn can read so easily. she's so weird, but she's not terrible. i realized that after i snuck out to go out with her last weekend. i don't know if it's because she can constantly read my mind, or the fact that she's just really pretty, but i feel more comfortable around her. and i'm not like that with anyone.

stop being such a fucking simp, scott. it's not that serious. but anyways, back to now.

“amy? yeah, she's cool.” i end up responding to my dad. i regret telling him about her in the first place.

“make sure you keep that girl under control,” he says, keeping his eyes on the road, “you know how women can get these days.”

i chuckle. dawn would immediately disagree. and maybe she had a point. but i wasn't gonna tell her that. or my dad. i didn't wanna hear his mouth.

he'd always taught me and my younger brother, rodney, to be “tough men,” and to never let women, or anyone that was “inferior” to us, tell us what to do. and now that i'm getting older, i'm starting to realize that all of it is bullshit.

now, don't get me wrong, i'll still say whatever the hell i want, but my mom would always tell me, “to earn respect, be respectful.” that's probably why my parents divorced a few years ago. my dad somehow got custody, which sucks, because he became an alcoholic and feels the need to hit me every day.

when me and my dad get to the house, i see my older sister, albetha, on our porch. she's a freshman in community college, and she made a deal with my dad that she'd take care of most of our animals if he'd let her live here. she definitely doesn't have a problem with it.

“i'm going to ma's place.” she says as we get out of the truck.

“can i come with you?” i ask.

“absolutely not.” my father interrupts. “albertha, your little brother had to get picked up from school early because his dumbass wanted to get into a fight.”

my older sister snickers, which turns into a snort. “you're a dumbass, scott.”

“shut up.” i mumble, walking into the house. i hate it here.

later that night, it's pretty quiet in the house. albertha was still gone, my dad was trying to sleep, and rodney and i were in the living room, trying to watch tv.

key word: trying.

“i don't wanna watch the country music channel anymore, you hardass!” i whisper yell.

“well, i don't wanna watch any more adam sandler movies, dickhead!”

we start to play a game of tug-of-war with the remote, and after a few seconds of pulling, the remote flies out of our hands and into the tv. into. the tv.

the noise is loud.

rodney and i stand across from each other, frozen. my eyes go from the shattered glass on the floor, to rodney, to the door, which was gonna open any second now.

“what in the hell was that?” i hear an all too familiar voice yell. it's not in me to tell you what happened after that.

showers hurt. you know how you'll have a cut somewhere and it stings when you get in the shower? yeah, it's like that, but everywhere. i'm immune to pain, at this point.

putting on a random pair of shorts from my closet, i crawl into bed, sighing to myself. hopefully this will by my last year dealing with this.

suddenly, i hear a loud tap on my window, and i jump as soon as i see dawn's scary ass outside. i laugh to myself and get up to open the window.

“how can i help you, ma'am?” i ask.

“just came to see how you were.” she replies, still outside of my house. i roll my eyes, trying to hide the smile on my face. i reach outside the window, grab dawn by her waist, and lift her up to pull her inside.

“what happened to you?” she asks, hinting at the scars that were scattered everywhere on my upper body.

“i-”

“don't lie.” the short girl says, louder than expected. i cover her mouth.

“you've gotta be quiet. my dad is not in a good mood.”

she removes my hand from her mouth and whispers, “he didn't do that to you, did he?”

i look down without saying a word. there was absolutely no use lying to this girl.

“scott .. you could've told me. i understand that you might not want to, but you should.”

she's right, and it's scary as hell, because she realizes it before i do. then, out of nowhere, dawn tightly wraps her arms around me. it scared me for a second, but i'm almost? warming up to it? i think.

“you need to cry.” dawn whispers.

“what?” i mumble.

“you're holding a lot of emotions in ... and you should cry. it's not gonna make you soft. promise.”

if i did cry, right here, right now, it'd go against everything my dad taught me in the last seventeen years. i'd cry in front of this girl that i'd only been talking to for a week or so, she was gonna know that even i'm not immune to pain.

fuck it.

i cried quietly, and dawn just let me, and hugged me even tighter, if that was possible. at that point, all of the sadness and anger was leaving my body.

don't tell anyone, but it felt great.

the next chapter starts homecoming week & im excited cuz it's gonna be so chaotic and funny and wild 🤠 anyway yeaaa have a good day yalll