In My Head ❌

In My Head- Part 21

Ant's POV
I stepped past Amanda and moved quickly towards the bed feeling sicker and sicker as I got closer, why couldn't Dec just stay away from me he would be so much better off. Why couldn't I just stay away from him for that matter, I made up my mind then and there that once he was better that was exactly what I was going to do.

I was a danger and a jinx to everyone especially Decs and once he was better I was leaving and this time I would stay away for good. Away from both him and Stephen they would be so much better off without me.

I saw him turn to look at me as I approached and my heart tugged again as guilt continued to eat away at me, he looked so so fragile and so weak. I saw him try and reach for me but he didn't have enough strength just yet so I moved faster crouching next to his bed and taking his hand in my own running a thumb across the knuckles.

"Alright Kidda I'm here now, what's wrong?" 

His lower lip trembled and tears filled his eyes as he spoke, "I woke up and you weren't here, you said you would stay with me and you left me Anth, you promised you wouldn't leave me."

I frowned at him why on earth did he want me with him all the time? I was the reason he always got hurt I was the reason he was suffering now, if he had any sense of self preservation he would have told me to get lost.

I saw his hazel eyes watching me and his lower lip trembling and I was quick to shut my emotions off and soothe him before he got himself all worked up again. "I just went to the restroom kidda I didn't leave you, I promise I won't leave you until you feel better." 

I moved my hand up to his hair running my fingers through it as his frown deepened and he shook his head weakly, I was confused and he must have realized because he spoke again.

"No Anth you have to stay with me even after I'm better, please Ant don't talk like that mate you're scaring me again." 

I sighed deeply at his complete lack of good sense the poor thing should have been throwing me out of his room and yet here he was crying because he thought I was going to leave him, he was right but still.

I shook my head at him and decided to do something I hated doing; I lied to Declan. "Sorry Decs I didn't mean it like that, of course I'll be here for you pet; we made a promise remeber." 

He smiled and I could tell he believed my lie which did nothing to ease the guilt I was feeling. I could see his eyes drooping again and I stood back up smoothing the covers around him, "Go back to sleep Decky I'll be right here when you wake up." 

He looked very uncertain and grabbed for my arm with his hand holding onto my shirt as he shook his head and held his other arm out, "Don't go can't you stay here?" 

I shook my head in disbelief he wanted a cuddle? Declan seriously wanted a cuddle from the man who almost killed his friend and was always hurting him? I sighed it wouldn't do any good to fight him it would only make him more stressed and we were supposed to be avoiding that, "Alright then come here" 

He gave me a weak smile and let go of my sleeve holding both arms up now, I bent down hiding a wince as the action sent pain thtough the wounds on my stomach and then again as Dec wrapped his arms around my shouders clinging to me in all senses of the word.

I wrapped my arms around him and gently lifted him up off the bed and into my lap as I took a seat on the end of the bed, I felt my heart tug even more as he nestled his head against my collarbone and sighed contently.

I stayed quite and still as he made himself comfortable and once he stopped moving I tightened my arms around him and shut my emotions off again reacting on instinct and previous experince as I started to gently rock us side to side.