Golden // The day I met you

Chapter 24 - I can't leave her

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                        I had everything
                Opportunities for eternity
           And I could belong to the night
                         Then your eyes
                               Your eyes
                  I can see in your eyes
               You make me wanna die

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Lorelai's POV :

I am human. And I realised that, sometimes you can be vulnerable too. Sometimes you can feel like you just can't take it anymore. You feel annoyed by everything, you push everyone away, you close yourself off, and for what? So that you can be even more sad and hurt. But somehow that's better than actually having to talk about your feelings and open up to someone, telling them how you really handle things lately, how you really feel. We hope that by distancing ourselves we'll spare others of having to listen about our problems, and we get attached to the idea of fixing ourselves on our own, that we can do that ourselves. But sometimes is not that easy.

I've been through this and many times actually. And to be honest, I still think that doing all these is the best option. But I'm tried of best options. There's no such things as good options, or bad options. There are options. Some of them you like, or you've dreamt of for a long time, or for some reason they just stick into your head making you feel like you should do this or you should do that. And then, there are options that you don't like. You just don't. Either because it's the hard way, either because there's something to influence you towards the,, better option ", you just choose not to like them. Not to even consider them. Sometimes maybe, you can even realise that what you thought was better, is actually worse and that you shouldn't have taken that option. But our ego is too big for us to admit it, so we just blame it on stuff like,, the destiny " or,, the fate". We blame it on people, or places, or bad timing. I used to do that too. And we all do it. Even if we would like to admit it or not.

So I'm done with best options and I'm only going with the flow now.
If only George Harrison or John Lennon could hear me right now.

But, still, going with the flow doesn't really seem enough, because I still question things, and stuff, and people. Like I am questioning my happiness right now.
I just got out of the hospital, even though nothing is really certain I am still in a good state of health and probably won't die tomorrow and I had a great time with my boyfriend, I am having a family meal. But it all just seems... To good to be true. And I feel like something bad might just happen. And I have a guess that Daniel, my beloved dad is probably, most certainly, is going to ruin this whole atmosphere.

,, Oh, honey, you're here." mom said,, I was just about to send Jackson look for you"

Dad didn't respond to mom's words, he just took a sit at the table and eyed Harry with his dark blue deep eyes that scream,, I wanna murder everyone at this table and then go have some whisky in a Latino bar ".

Harry, however, doesn't really seem bothered by this at all. He smiles and laughs and talks with my mother, passing around stuff and giving me happy puppy eyes all the time. He didn't even acknowledged my dad's looks as he started a conversation with Jackson about going to the soccer game that was going to take place next week at our school. We were playing against some fancy school from the South called Percy School. It was an all boy school.

,, I think it's gonna be great, man! " Harry said in a really happy tone.,, I'm not really into sports but I really like watching soccer!"

,, Aww, does it remind you of your old home? " I asked Harry, actually tending to be mean, but having him not even noticing it, as he kept on smiling and nodding his head.