Memoirs of the Lost Loser

Getting Naked

How petty. You don't know what to think anymore. Should you give up? If they want to kill you at least they could make it quick. You guess dying would be a much better option than enduring days or weeks of pain because even when you tell them the truth, they will never believe it.

"I'm sure Pyxis and Zackley will let this slide."

Levi. You casted one look at the man who was wearing a hospital gown. It didn't suit him, not when he looked distraught and hope started to bubble inside you again.

And then killed it, the moment he looked away.

So this is where he draws the line.

You hated this, you hate that you expected more from him. You expected that even this time, just like every other time that you needed somebody, he'll be there. That he'll help you out of this because he used to always do. He'll patch your wounds the moment everything is over, that he'll be there to be your voice and reason when words seem difficult to find.

And you hate it— hate yourself that you're disappointed, when you shouldn't be. In the end, all you can depend on is yourself.

"I can watch her."

Oh how fast did your eyes flicker at the source of the voice, knowing Levi would be at the end of it.

"Put her in my squad." Levi said, licking his lips. Erwin had to turn to his friend in surprise. What is Levi doing? You have no idea, but that fixed, hard look that held your gaze said you could trust him.

"I'll keep an eye on her even when it's the last thing I'll do."

Erwin's response to that was silence. Levi kept talking, gaining more resolve in every word.

"If she says something useful, I'll tell you," His eyes peeled off of you and directed them to Erwin. Pausing for effect or for courage, you have no idea, until he dropped the last line that stole the hope and your lingering, subtle smile.

"And if she acts suspiciously, I'll kill her."

***

"And if she acts suspiciously, I'll kill her."

Your sheepish smile faded when he concluded the list of his promises.

"Levi, you don't need to go that far," Miche intervened, "Erwin, I don't think she means harm. There must be a reason she's not saying anything—"

The door opened, revealing some soldiers who wanted to use the comfort room. Though they exited as fast as they came in, stringing needless apologies on their way out, they were effective in dissipating the tension in the room. Even your shoulder relaxed a bit. You glanced at Erwin who seemed to be suppressing a smile. His jaw appeared tense, the ticking muscle at the lower cheek said it all. The fiddling of his thumb and index fingertips gave an impression that his soldiers' pleas were heard and he's playing with the idea.

"She'll be on my watch. I'll let Hange have Gunther or Eld."

"Very well," Erwin said, that triumphant look didn't leave his eyes. "I'll leave you to your new Captain, Johnson. He'll fill you in with the details." Erwin said in a dismissive tone before he looked at Miche with a gesture of reaching for him.

"Miche and I will leave you to it."

The door creaked after the figures of the tall, blonde men leaving you alone with your new captain, who equally didn't look pleased being left with you at all.

***