Assisting Miss Adams (GirlXGirl) OLD VERSION

Chp. 69

A part of me wanted to not give her a choice and show up anyway but another part wanted me to give her some space and see if she took initiative for once. I wanted her to come to me this time, and if she did then I would no longer need any reassurance.

But could I wait it out for her? Could I wait for her to decide to follow me for once?

I began shuffling through my papers as I came across an all too familiar slip of paper that resembled a note. I sighed heavily, picking it up and reading as I folded it back up and put it inside my purse.

I had been offered a job at a high school near the state university at another high school, which was something that could be really good for me and Sam. I figured after the school year if she wanted to get serious then we could move but she has yet to bring it up and I was starting to lose hope.

Every time I thought she would ask me to be her girlfriend she just swerved around it, and I was starting to get second thoughts about us.

I didn't know what she wanted from me anymore, and I didn't know if it was sex or something a little more than that. I was trying to be patient but it was hard, and now that she was acting sketchier than ever... well the second thoughts were coming very often now.

It was terrifying because I knew I loved Sam, and I knew I wanted to be with her. I knew what I wanted but I was afraid she didn't, and maybe she was realizing she didn't want me and was now pushing me away.

Was that possible? Was it possible that she didn't care about me the same way I cared about her? It seemed almost impossible when I looked back on everything we shared. All of the kisses and the confessions and the sex... everything contradicted her actions.

The way she kissed me disputed the way she avoided commitment, and the way she touched me went against everything she was doing right now.

Something just felt so wrong and I had no idea what it was.

I had promised her I would wait for her to ask me but looking at everything that was going on now made me feel like it was never going to happen.

Maybe I was wasting my time. Maybe I should just accept the job offering and move the hell away from her and see if she chased me, but a part of me was afraid she wouldn't. Would she chase me if I left? She could if she wanted to, she was an adult now, and if she wanted out of Shawn's place she was more than welcome to move in with me.

But she never brought it up, which made me believe she wasn't ready.

Maybe I was in over my head, and maybe Sam was just too much that I couldn't handle.

No, stop, that was nonsense. I was the only one who could handle Sam, and everyone knew that. Shawn, Blair, hell, even Sam herself knew I was one of the few who could handle all her shit and still stick around.

That wasn't the problem.

So what was the problem? What was she waiting for? Was she still afraid? Was she having second thoughts too? Or was there something else I wasn't seeing? Was there someone else that was in the background? Or was it me that was in the background?

Not knowing was managing to drive me crazy, and for the rest of the school day it was literally all I could think about. It made me so senseless that I had almost considered showing up at her house with her unaware to try and catch her lying, but that would be so wrong on so many levels.

Assuming was wrong.

But I needed to talk to her, and I didn't want it to be over text, so maybe once I was out of here I would call her up and get a few answers. I needed something to calm my racing mind, and it would be easier for me to hear something weird in her voice rather than through her text messages.