Just Jack

Part Two: Chapter Thirteen: Just Keep Breathing

     On entering the dimly lit room, I am immediately hit with the smell of lilies. I keep my body facing the door, my eyes tight shut and hold onto the door handle, afraid to let go and face her. I inhale, my breath shaking and then open my eyes and turn around. She's barely recognizable as she lays on the hospital bed. A long, plastic tube that I assume is helping her breathe extends from her mouth and is connected to a machine. A heart rate monitor beeps every two seconds, I count. She still bears the cuts and bruises from the crash on her arms and face, especially the one that runs over her lips and extends over her left eye. Her lips, so dry. Her eyes, closed.

     A bouquet of lilies in a vase sit on the locker beside her bed, slowly dying. A few petals lay around the vase beside a picture of Emily, her dad and a woman I assume is her mom. Her father must have brought the picture to the hospital. I look to Emily before walking over to the photo frame and picking it up to examine it. It's morbid, thinking of how I am responsible for the death of Emily's mother and now I may be responsible for the death of Emily herself. I basically killed two people in this photograph- the other person, however, wants to kill me. Can you blame him?

     I carefully place the frame back to its original place and then fall into the chair beside Emily's bed. I'm close enough that I can reach her hand, but I don't. Maybe it's too soon or maybe I just feel like I'm not worthy enough to hold her hand and that she, if she had a choice, would probably not want me to take it. I sit forward, my chin in my hands, elbows resting on my legs and I just watch Emily. Watch her breathe. It's all she can do. Just breathe. I hadn't given much thought into what I was going to say, so I surprise myself when I open my mouth and start talking.

     “So, it was in second grade. I was working on this jigsaw puzzle and I had the whole thing complete. You should have seen it, Emily, it was like a masterpiece,” I say, smiling remembering the day. I don't know why I'm telling her this, but I can't stop. “But there was just one piece missing, a piece from the centre. That's when Chris walked over. It was like ten years ago but I can still remember it as if it were yesterday. He had the piece, the piece that I needed and he completed the jigsaw for me and that was the day I met him and we became inseparable.”

     “That day at the beach café when you asked about the jigsaw piece I had in my hand, I told you I would tell you the story behind it another day. So now I'm telling you.” I think of Chris for a moment. He's been trying to contact me these past two weeks, as has Mandy but, I just can't bare to face either of them. Not yet. “And now I realize how stupid me telling you that story is when you can't even hear it.” I jump up to my feet. Running my hands through my messy hair, I begin pacing the room.

     “Look, Emily, I'm trying here. You know me, I'm not good at things like this. I mean, doom and gloom loves to follow me around. It sure shows up more than shiny and happy! You would think, by now, I'd be used to it all,” I say, looking Emily in her lifeless face as if expecting a reply. Her heart monitor beeps a few times, the ventilator pumps air into her lungs. “But I can't get used to it and I need you, Emily. You can't leave me here, all alone. I won't let you.” Tears begin to well up in my eyes. I'm standing right beside her. “You can't just die. You're my person. The person. You are the puzzle piece I never knew was missing. Please don't give up on me,” I say. My head falls onto her chest and begin to sob into her hospital gown. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Emily.”

I take hold of her hand. It's warm and familiar. And soft. So soft.

     “Without you there's no point. You changed my whole life. You changed me. I don't know what I would have done without you,” I say, almost a whisper. I trail my hand along her body until it finds her damaged face. I look to where her eyes are. My hand rests on her cheek. “I can't live without you, Emily. So if you die, I die.”