Just Jack

Part Two: Chapter Twenty-Two: Just a White Wedding

Chapter Twenty-Two

Just a White Wedding

     Do you believe that everyone has a meant-to-be? You know, a happy ending or whatever. One of those fairytale conclusions that your parents always told you about before you went to sleep at night. Does everyone get one of those? The guy can't always get the girl, can he? There can't always be white picket fences and weddings with harps playing and birds singing. I always thought these were just stories to instill me with hope and love. But when I think about it, I don't need love – its easier to be alone. Hope is enough. I can be happy alone, I think, because losing love, its literally like dying. So I ask myself, why do I want love?

     It must be nice for her to wake up in her own bed this morning. Especially this morning. The big day, I think they call it. Its her second big day so she's kind of being greedy. Most people are lucky enough to have one, but not my mom. Barely healthy enough to walk up the stairs but a wedding, with the aisle and the dancing, that's no problem. I guess its a woman thing, really. I don't try figure it out because that would actually require insight into how the female mind works, so I just let it slide. Maybe its like a super power or something. Or maybe its just courage, bravery. A big screw you to cancer perhaps.

     I'm lying, wide awake, in my own bed staring at the ceiling. Its a little after six in the morning. There is a bird in the attic, a loud one. He comes and goes as he pleases every morning and insists on waking me up with the pitter-patter of his feet across the wooden panels in the attic. Sometimes I hear him sing and its not cute. I'm assuming its a he only because Sammy decided to name him Henry. His arrival was funny at first but a week later and seven days of early mornings, he has lost his novelty. Now I just want to strangle him.

     I slide out of my bed sheets with a sigh and into the cold morning air, coming to the conclusion that I won't be getting anymore sleep this morning – just like yesterday morning – and I tip toe into the bathroom. My feet curl once they hit the cold, white tiles. I stand over the sink, turn on the taps and throw some water over my face. I'm glad Henry woke me early this morning however. I wanted some time to myself before the wedding. If not to sort through my emotions then at least to make myself look good for it. I look up from the sink and into the mirror.

     I don't even realize but I am smiling. It's not a, I'm the happiest guy in the world smile, but its definitely a smile. Maybe a grin. My eyes, they look like they have more life in them lately. My skin, so pale yet so clear – I can't find a blemish, not one single spot. I don't know, maybe it's just because I've been eating. I remember the old Jack, the last time he looked into a mirror was in St Clares. Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the skinniest of them all? I uttered those words almost a whole year ago. The answer is so clear now. Me. I was the skinniest of them all. I was the unhealthiest too. But not anymore. My smile widens and I cheekily wink at my reflection.

     When I walk by her room, the door is wide open and she is sitting on the edge of her already made bed. She is holding her favorite head scarf, the orange one with yellow flowers, in her hands, stroking it gently. I watch her for a moment at the door, just enjoying the beauty of the scene before me. The excitement of the wedding has brought the best out in her, I can see it in her face and I think, maybe thats why I'm smiling too. But I know this moment won't last forever, or even this day won't. The thought of tomorrow scares me. Heck, the thought of the next few hours scare me. What if she doesn't make it down the aisle? She could die at any moment. But maybe, just maybe it won't be today.