Too Late, Ellie

PROLOGUE

Ayokong maging bitter tingnan pero hindi ko maiwasang masaktan at magdamdam kahit konti. Pero move on na. I'm happy for him because he's happy right now with his girl if ever that's true. 

"ELLIE!"

Nagulat ako sa sigaw ng mga kaibigan ko. Nakatayo na sila dala dala ang bag samantalang ang iba naman ay nagsilabasan na. Anong meron?

"Tulala ka riyan. Tara kain tayo, wala naman daw si prof dahil may meeting sila." Lay informed me.

I was profoundly thinking that I wasn't even bothered to my surroundings. I hurriedly get my things and follow them quickly. Nagmadali pa ako kasi ang bilis nilang maglakad talaga.  

"Ganito rin pala tayo hanggang ngayon, 'no? First two weeks na ng buwan pero wala pa ring pasok." Nasa isang kainan kami rito sa mall para kumain dahil walang pasok.

Lahat napatingin bigla kay Lance nang magsalita ito."Siguro kasi talagang hindi pa handa ang mga professors ngayon. Marami pa atang kailangang ayusin." Shaina reasoned out. 

Fia suddenly snapped a finger. "Tama si Shaina tsaka hoy ayaw mo n'on, wala pa tayong pasok. Pwede pa tayong gumala at mag enjoy before stress comes!" She exclaimed and started arguing with Lance again.

Ganyan naman sila palagi e. Laging nagbabangayan at nag aasaran, kahit noong second year pa lang kami hindi nagbabago hanggang ngayong graduating na. Minsan sakit nila sa ulo e, ang iingay. Pero nakakamiss kapag tahimik sila.

"Tahimik mo ata, Ellie." Nagulat akong bigla ako na naman ang nakita ni Kate.

Napatigil tuloy sila sa pag-iingay at sabay na tumingin sa akin hanggang sa unti unting binibigayan ng nakakalokang mukha. Napailing ako at tumawa para mawala ang tensyon sa akin at kumain na parang walang nangyari.

Biglang humagalpak ng tawa si Missy. "Hindi ata maka move on kanina sa sinabi ko e." Siya na ang sumagot para sa akin, lagi naman e.

Nagulat ako ro'n kaya mabilis ko siyang tiningnan nang masama para ipaalam ang gusto kong mangyari. Ayoko nang humaba pa ang usapan. I've decided to make her stop, but it's too late.

"Ano 'yon?" Daldal talaga ng babaeng 'to e. Napapahamak ako lagi. Ito namang nga 'to ang bilis kumilos kapag usapang chismis na.

"Wala, nagbibiro lang 'yan si Missy. Kumain na tayo." Pangunguna ko, pero kinakabahan na talaga.

Missy shook her head. Hindi nagpapigil si Lance kaya nagsalita na rin si Missy. "Kasi kanina, I showed her a screenshot of his ig story. Babae na nakangiti at may caption ng 'Mine'."

Nakataas lang ang kilay ko at nakatutok sa pagkain. There she goes again, alam ko na ang susunod na mangyayari rito. I remained calm and give them my feign smile.

"Oh! 'Di ka pa rin makamove on?"

"Akala ko ba wala na?"

"Past is past oy."

See? Alam na nila kung sino ang tinutukoy ni Missy kaya nagsimula na naman silang magsalita ng kung ano ano. Ang ooa naman ng mga reaction nila. Naniwala rin naman kay Missy, tsk.

" 'Wag nga kayong maniwala riyan. Duh! Ilang buwan na ang lumipas, sa tingin niyo talaga hindi pa ako makaka move on? Ang oa ahh, akala mo naman may deeper relationship kami." Mataray na sagot ko sa kanila para tumigil.

Pa'no ba naman kasi, halos araw araw na nga lang ata sila puro ganyan. Lalo na 'tong si Missy, number one supporter pa rin. Magmula nung nalaman nila ang tungkol dito, ayaw nang magsitigil kakaasar.

Nakapatong ang kamay ni Lance sa may baba nito at tumango tango. "Tingin mo, Fia?" Fia is his friend kaya hindi mahirap ang communication nila.

She shrugged. "I don't know what to say but if you're really move on....gusto mo i-chat ko?" She excitedly said.

I parted my lips when I heard her words. She was grinning like crazy. I felt nervous dahil mapang-asar si Fia, she will do whatever she wants kahit mag makaawa ka pa sa kanya, hindi siya maaawa at mas nananaig pa rin ang malakas na asar nito. 

" 'W-wag na, Fia. 'Wag ka na nga maniwala sa kanila." I took a sip at my juice and swipes my phone.

They just shrugged and continued talking. I sigh for relief when they stopped talking about me and him. Kinabukasan, wala ulit pasok at nandito lang kami sa library. Kausap ko ngayon si Kesha, best friend ko at kinwento sa kanya ang nangyari kahapon.

"Oh, tapos? Anong na feel mo?" She asked the moment I shared the happenings yesterday.

I shrugged. "Wala. Okay? Happy?" I confusedly asked. I don't know what to answer her.

She seems like she's not believing me, by the look on her face. "Why are you uncertain?"

I tried so hard for her not to notice, but I give up. She knows me too well. I deeply sigh to express my real feelings. "Okay. I'm happy for him pero syempre alam mo 'yon."

Hindi ko na kailangan pang sabihin, alam naman niya ang ibig kong iparating. She shook her head and looks at me seriously. "Bess, hayaan mo na sila. Move on ka nalang." Hinimas niya ang balikat ko.

Napahinga ako nang malalim at umiling. "How can I move on when I think all of this was my fault." I become frustrated everytime I think of it.

Her face crumpled. "Hey, stop saying that. It's not your fault." Her face crumpled.

I sighed and looked at her. "You think it's not my fault?"

She nodded genuinely. "Yes, and it will never be your fault. You're still uncertain that time at tama lang na hindi ka agad nag salita. Look at you both, you're now happy with your personal life so please just stop." I nodded and gave her a small smile for encouragement. 

Nagkatinginan kami sandali nang mabaling ang tingin nito sa relo. "Siya nga pala, dito ka lang ha. Ibabalik ko lang 'tong libro. Kukunin ko rin yung hihiramin ko ngayon. Dito ka lang ha, wait for me. Stop thinking na." We both smiled at each other before parting ways. She stood up and went to the book section while I'm left alone here.

I shouldn't be like this. We're not like in a relationship or something for me to feel like this. But I still can't forget about us. Our happy moments being together, mga asaran at kahit walang pansinan. Masaya, malungkot, naiiyak lahat nalang kasama ko siya noon.

But, I think, I must not be selfish on him and to me, kasi kahit anong gawin ko, kahit anong pilit ko, hindi na maibabalik pa ang nakaraan. At 'yon ang pinagsisihan ko hanggang ngayon. I was hurt and still uncertain that time, pero kahit ganon, dapat nilaban ko. Dapat kahit konti man lang, pinakita ko, pero wala na.

Wala na siya dito. May iba na siya at masaya silang dalawa, habang ako, naiwan na namang mag isa. And I could say....

It was too, late for the both us of. I am too late for this. Damn, these chaotic feelings.

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Hi! Welcome to my story. Hope you continue your happy readings on this story 'til the end ;)

P. S. Apologies for mistakes, typo and errors, it was all unintentional.

DISCLAIMER : This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, business, events, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to the actual persons living or dead, or actually events is purely coincidental.