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"At least we've had some time without the boys around," Sam said as the three of us were sat in my bedroom, talking amongst ourselves and getting caught up on each other's lives. Abbie was last to go, so we gave her our full attention, after expressing an eager agreement with Sam's statement.
"I can't believe Luke's back in my life, honestly. Part of me can, but part of me is still so... hesitant."
"You guys just reconnected, so I think being hesitant is sort of a survival strategy, you know?" Abbie nodded and sighed quietly as she fell backwards on my bed. "Even after everything happened, I never stopped feeling the way I do about him. I mean, of course that's common, but... as much as it hurt me, I didn't hate him for what he did. Every time either of you would say something bad about him, to cheer me up, or when you'd threaten his life, Sam... I never wanted to hear those things," Abbie said meekly, almost as if she was embarrassed of the truth. "I knew he messed up, but I was so ready to give him another chance. But I knew if I showed that, then you two would be on my case and Luke would've probably crawled back way too soon."
"Surely you hated him just a little?"
"I wanted to, sure... but I never did. I don't think I could, not even if I tried really hard."
"If that's how you feel... why are you building everything up so slowly then?" Sam asked—she wasn't judging, instead she seemed to be genuinely curious. Abbie sat up slowly and looked from me to Sam.
"Because as much as I'm willing to forgive him, this is something that he's had to learn from. I think it's sort of good that he's been hurting, even if that makes me sound psycho. It's good for him to learn that he has responsibility and something like what we had can't come free to him. As much as I want to just jump back into things, I know that would just be a disaster." I bit my lip gently at Abbie's words and I couldn't fathom being in her place. "What he did was wrong, but he knows that. I can only blame him to an extent for being scared and for being hesitant. No matter what, he shouldn't have done what he did, but... he didn't do it out of malice or bad intent. He just fucked up, and everyone's going to fuck up sometimes."
"Do you love him, Abs?" I was surprised by Sam's question—especially how she had sounded when saying it. Sam was laying on the rug in my room, on her stomach, with her feet kicked in the air and her chin supported by her hands. She asked in an almost yearning tone.
"Yeah, I do," Abbie said, her voice surprisingly mighty as she admitted it. "I don't know if I'm in love with him, but there's no doubt that I love Luke. He can be such an idiot, but... I know how good of a person he is, and how much he cares. My trust for him is sort of wire thin, but I love him too much to not let him try again. And he's so willing to try." I was left slightly stunned by Abbie's words—I wondered what it felt to be that certain of feeling love for someone. Obviously I loved my family and my friends, but loving someone outside of those circles seemed nearly impossible.
