first. | Ateez San

Part V

It had been a week since I kicked San out of my house. Spring break was coming up and I knew that it'd be the best time for me to avoid him completely. He has kept his distance, understanding that there is tension between us for some reason. But still, it felt weird seeing his sad gaze when our eyes met in the hallways. The moment wouldn't last very long though as he's gained more confidence and finally built up the courage to talk to other people. It was mostly girls who he grew close to, and they might partially be the reason as to why he felt so secure these days. Still, it was getting kind of boring without him. Would it be wrong of me to go back to him after all I've done? Absolutely. But, I liked knowing that I had the power to get his attention back instantly. I thought these things as I sat at my desk, my head resting as I waited for break time to be over.

"Did your little pet run away from you?" Seonghwa asked while pulling up a chair in front of me. He smirked at me as if his words bothered me.

"You are so obsessed with me."

"Yeah, so what if I am?" He rested his chin on his hand and raised his eyebrow. I was a little thrown off by his words.

"What happened to your girlfriend?" I pushed my chair back a little to try and get away from him.

"We broke up again."

"And no one seems to care." I smiled back at him and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Guess you and I are the same then. No one cares about us anymore."

"I'm not as pathetic as you are."

"But, you admit you are somewhat pathetic?"

"What do you want from me?"

"I was just wondering, do you hate San?"

I laughed at his question.

"You know, maybe I was wrong. I think you're more obsessed with San than you are with me."

"Why are you avoiding the question?"

"I could care less about San."

"So, would you ever hurt him?"

"Haven't I already?"

"Then, why'd you stop?"

I stared at him, trying to process my words correctly before speaking so he couldn't assume anything.

"If you really hurt a person, it just means that you care about them that much. But, if you ignore them, it just shows how unimportant they are and how you can easily live on without them. San is too insignificant for me to hurt anymore."

Seonghwa sat back, amused with my answer.

"So, if I wanted to hurt you, you'd think I was in love with you?"

"How do you plan on hurting me when I don't care about you?"

He smiled.

"Maybe I can't hurt you, but someone will eventually. And I can't wait for that to happen." He winked at me before getting up to walk away as the bell rung. The more I talked to him, Seonghwa became more interesting than I thought. I never liked getting to know people, but a part of me wanted to uncover who he truly was. He felt like my equal and someone I may never understand.

After that exchange, I kept my distance. Before I knew it, school was over and spring break had begun. But, the first day was already lonely. I felt the need to call some random boy over to fill the void that's been growing inside me. My first thought was San, as I knew he would say yes no matter what. Though, I couldn't get Seonghwa's words out of my head. If I invited San over, it would just prove his theory that maybe some part of me did care about him, which I did not. The only other thing I could do besides having sex to keep my mind off things was to shop, so that's what I intended on doing. I said goodbye to my mom before heading to the shopping center.