In My Head ❌

In My Head- Part 19

I knew it wouldn't do any good to shush him and I didn't really have the heart to try, Dec had been through hell the last few days with Stephen and I constantly almost giving him heart attacks. I realized that I hadn't seen Dec cry not even once since Stephen was brought in because he had been too busy looking after me and trying to be strong for me and I felt guilty again; I needed to stop being such a baby and take better care of him.

I had always protected him and cared for him I owed it to him especially after all the hell of the couple of years, I had sworn to myself I wouldn't let him down again and yet I was doing just that. I had let his friend almost die and then I had acted like a baby and ran away and hurt myself scaring him to death and then I had scared him again by having a panic attack in front of hospital.

I was pulled out of my thoughts as Dec's cries got louder and I felt him digging his fingers into my shirt so hard that I thought he might actually rip it, I felt my heart breaking and I tightened my arm around him and started rubbing through his hair with my fingers. I felt him let go of my shirt and he wrapped his arms around me so tightly that I had to fight back a gasp as pressure was put on my sore lungs, it hurt but it was bearable and I let him squeeze me tight while I started to try and console him.

"That's right kidda just let it all out I've got you Declan I'm right here pet Anth's got you. I'm so sorry Decky I wish I could take all this pain away from you mate I would do it in a second."

I continued rocking him and playing with his hair and after what felt like hours his wails turned into sobs and then whimpers and finally all that could be heard was a few hitching breaths as Dec wore himself out. I finally stopped rocking and pulled back to look at him, my heart breaking at the sight of him.

Dec's eyes were swollen and red from crying so much and his face was puffy as well, his hair was sticking up all over the place and his mouth was open as he tried to breathe through it due to the fact that his nose was running. I could feel his little gasping breaths as his chest heaved in attempt to get air into his lungs, I was sure I could hear a wheezing sound as well and I made a mental note to have Dec checked out by a doctor.

I saw Dec's eyes widen as he gasped unable to catch his breath and I acted quickly, I pulled him back into my arms and he nestled his head into my collarbone and I could feel the harsh pants coming from his mouth against my skin. I ran a hand down his back trying to ease some of the soreness in his lungs as he winced with each breath and I lowered my voice, "Easy kidda just relax and try and take some deep breaths for me, you're alright Decs just calm down a little."

I felt his small body relaxing under my touch and I started rocking us again very gently and whispering to him as his breathing started to become less harsh. I looked down at him and could his eyes were closed as he focused on breathing and I could see a few tears still leaking out from under them, I couldn't get up to get a tissue so I took the edge of my sleeve and wiped away his tears.

Dec's eyes opened and I gasped as I read the sadness and pain inside them, oh Declan I'm so sorry for all of this it's all my fault. I cuddled him close as his eyes fell shut again I should have been taking better care of him, I should have noticed that he was bottling all this up; I felt myself shaking again and I tried hard to calm down. I felt Dec move in my arms and I looked down at him to see him looking up at me with worry, I was shaking so hard now that my teeth were chattering and I could see Dec's body shaking as the tremors ran through me.

Dec should not be worrying about me and this was definitely worrying him, I fought hard and pushed down the swirl of emotions inside me which effectively stopped the tremors. Dec raised his eyebrows at me but I shook my head and pulled him close again, Dec was my main priority right now. I felt his breathing return to normal but I could still hear the wheezing sound in his lungs and worse I felt Dec starting to go limp in my hold.