Borrowed Time

Thirty

➰

"Why are we here, Toni?" Dorinda asked me, after we had just entered my salon. She carried a bit of uncertainty within her eyes, fiddling with her fingers.

After sending Josiah off to school this morning, I figured I'd swing by the hotel of which Dorinda and my mother resided, hoping to have a much needed conversation with my sister. Time had come and gone, and I still hadn't known just the very reason she no longer served for the Air-Force.

"Well, Mama told me you had been looking for a job, Dori," I said back to her, beginning to open the blinds upon the windows, allowing the sun's light to shine through. "And since the shop is officially opening tomorrow, I know that an extra set of hands could really help me out..."

Dorinda watched me for a second, then started to help. "Oh, no. You already doing a lot for Mama and me by paying for the hotel." She moved her head from side to side, declining my offer. "I am okay with finding a job on my own, Toni."

I shrugged my shoulders, not surprised that she'd reject. But, see, I knew my sister very well. Like the back of my hand almost. And I knew that she didn't refuse the job for the reason she put forth.
"Listen, I won't force you to work here...it's completely up to you. I'm just saying, a job doesn't always come this easy, Dorinda."

She was quiet for a moment, holding her head rather low. I could sense that she kept something hidden, that there was something she was hesitant to tell me.

"Dori, what's going on?" I asked her, just after we finished opening the blinds. I then marched over to a nearing closet, grabbing some cleaning material for the windows. "Are you okay?"

Following my lead, my sister did just as I had. She carried Windex and a roll of paper towels, beginning to cleanse. "I'm fine, I'm good. I'm just...I don't know. I messed up big time, Toni."

Spraying the windows, I looked over in her direction, curious. "What do you mean you messed up?" I sprayed and wiped in every which way, not exactly paying attention to the window. "What did you do?"

Dorinda sighed, placing the Windex and paper towels upon the floor. She gave me very serious eyes, holding up her right hand's index finger. "If I tell you this, promise me you won't throw a fit?" After I moved my head up and down, agreeing to keep composure, she went on with, "When I got withdrawn from service a few months back, it was because I had an overdose, Toni."

Immediately, my heart dropped. I too removed the cleaning material from my own hands, trying to fully grasp what was admitted. "An overdose?!"
The very reason my mother had even encouraged Dorinda to go off to service years ago was because of the wild lifestyle she lived. She thought it'd rearrange her, shape her into a better woman.
"Are you serious right now, Dori? What the hell made you think you could go to the Air-Force and still be doing that kinda shit?"

My sister threw her hands up, walking opposite of where we stood. "See—see this is why I didn't want to tell you! You say you won't flip out but that's exactly what you do!" She began to pace, repeatedly walking in her own guilt. "Listen, I tried to leave the drugs alone, Toni, I did. But that's just how I cope, alright? That's how I deal with stuff."

I shrugged my shoulders, moving my head from one side to the other. "Now I ain't no addict and I'll never understand what it's like being one, but when the hell are you gonna find a new way to cope, Dorinda?" I pointed toward her, releasing my words sternly. "It's time you wake your ass up and get your shit together."