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jaemin's story

after graduation, jaemin became a model and lost himself to a world that thinks they know of what beautiful really means.

in a place where beauty is rather favoured over the decent, jaemin had wanted nothing more than to stand out in a crowd full of nobodies. that was jaemin's dream and goal, to be someone beautiful and to grab the attention of all those who had a name.

for someone like jaemin, the world was easy to appreciate the people in it, the good people at least. since jaemin was already someone loved by the community, it wasn't hard for him to fit in a crowd with the hugest names around. jaemin was a believer and it was what made him the greatest influencer in the country.

but despite that desire to become the best, celebrity model jaemin was losing a piece of himself more and more through the fame and publicity. cameras would always be on him even if he didn't notice them. and for that, jaemin thought he had to look as if he was ready all the time for the cameras to catch him.

at first, what had started out as declining a dinner offer from an agent turned into refusing to eat in the public's eyes. it soon escalated and sure enough it began to eat jaemin in from the inside because as soon as jaemin returned home to his large, grand home, he stuffed his face full with sweets and snacks, loading up on carbonated drinks with too much fizz to live on.

eating all night into the daylight when the sun begins to wake and then spending that morning hunched over the toilet with his fingers down his throat. that was what it was like for jaemin, a constant and endless battle between food that he shouldn't be having. anyone, no matter what age, should not be dealing with issues as severe as this but that was what he hid away.

jaemin was always so good at hiding away whatever he didn't want known. he was so good, even if jaemin spotted jeno on the streets going somewhere, he wouldn't dare let jeno see him because after jeno isolated himself away from everyone, jaemin wasn't sure if it was a good idea to say even a word to him.

but that only happened rarely because there were so many shoots and so many jobs that jaemin had to get done. that was what he liked about his job, he wouldn't have to worry about eating that day if he was too busy to enjoy even a mint. for the boy, coffee helped a lot with the hunger pains and the ache. the bitter taste was sweet to him, it made up for the loss of any real happiness in his life.

every now and then, jaemin would return to the tree house, though. if his head is clouded and filled with too many thoughts, he would go and sit and silently relieve himself of the stress and pressure. a lot of the times when he rushes in, he'd go straight to the drawers and pull out whatever he was feeling that day. 

he'd shove the sweet snack between his lips and he wouldn't stop chewing, constantly fighting his own mind between the desperate hunger and the pain it brought him. even as he did this in an empty tree house with no one, he could feel mark judging him. if mark could see him now, he would've shaken his head and give jaemin a glass of water.

mark didn't even have to talk to jaemin for jaemin to understand whatever the older boy would have said. when you really know mark and know what kind of person he is, you'll just understand all of their actions even if they don't even make sense and mark was one to do the most irrational of the movements for the boys.

and jaemin couldn't deny that in this moment, he wishes that jeno would just climb up and sit with him, and talk to him again. he was so desperate to hear jeno's voice, to hear the strong tone of 'i'm fine'. jeno was always one to be stable and strong but as jaemin continues to pass jeno by more and more, he realises jeno must have lost himself just as much as jaemin has lost himself.

this was his coping mechanism, his safe place where he could just hide away from the world for a little while. but each and every time jaemin climbed down the ladder leading to the tree house, he says one thing and one thing only, "i'll be back".