Different

28.

While eating dinner, I had a little more time to think about everything that happened today. I know for sure that Jace's actions hurt, but the more time passes, the more I can somehow accept that he was confused about his feelings. Maybe his actions didn't have a deeper meaning, but it was really just a childish, innocent act to see if he still has market value with girls. We all have insecurities, that was probably just one of his.

Maybe everything just happened too fast with us. We barely know each other, yet I feel like I've known Jace forever. 

"What are you thinking about?" Jace asks me, while turning the TV off again, giving me all of his attention.

"Just... thinking" I tell him, not sure what to say.

"Come on, tell me. That's what we're here for" he says and I silently agree.

"Do you ever think everything happened too fast with us? Obviously not... sex or anything, but I barely know anything about you, yet I feel so close to you. But what's your favorite candy? Do you play any sports? Who knows" I say, pouring my heart out.

"I hate candy and I used to play baseball" he says, giving me a little smirk. I nudge him with my elbow a little but can't help it, I let a little smile out too.

"You know what I mean" I say. Jace sighs.

"I'll say it again, who defines what normal is? I instantly felt close to you, I don't think things happened too fast. I'm happy I met you and I'm happy you're here. That's all that matters. We can figure the rest out later" Jace says and I take it in.

I think he's right. It doesn't matter what happened or how much we know about each other. Our feelings matter

"You're overthinking it" Jace says, putting our plates away and coming closer to me again.

"I told you, overthinker could be my middle name" I tell him. We're silent for a while.

"You're not the only person out there thinking too much, do you know that?" Jace tells me, referring to himself.

I slowly nod at him. "I know. I'm not trying to be selfish" I explain to him.

"I don't think you're selfish, that's not what I meant. But do you have any idea how much it hurts me that I've caused you two panic attacks in a matter of two weeks?" he says, the pain clearly visible on his face.

"Don't. I told you, it can happen any time" I say, feeling a little sorry that he's blaming himself.

"Maybe, but I wasn't innocent both times. I think about that a lot" he admits to me, making me go soft inside.

"Is it hard for you?" I ask him. Jace gives me a questioning look. "Dealing with my panic attacks?"

"Why would that be hard for me?" Jace says right away.

"Like I've told you before, I don't want to burden anybody, pull anybody down. Everyone can talk, but when things actually happen, opinions change" I answer.

Now Jace is silent for a second. "You think I did what I did because I was scared off by your panic attacks?" he asks me.

"I mean, not really. But it did cross my mind for a second" I tell him honestly.

"You can't scare me off that easily Mila, I've told you that before. I can deal with your panic attacks, it just hurts me to see you that way. And I definitely don't want to be the one causing them" he says, turning towards me and taking his hand to stroke my cheek.

"I know" I tell him. 

I feel that Jace is staring at me, so I finally dare to look into his eyes. I get lost in them immediately. His touch on my cheek is giving me so many emotions.

In that moment I finally know what I want. I want Jace too, in every way possible. He made a mistake and I don't want to forgive him too quickly for what he did, but we all make mistakes in life.

"Jace?" I ask him all of a sudden.

He answers by looking into my eyes while he's still holding me tight. I know he's anxious to know, so I decide to tell him. 

"I want you too" I simply say. "You made a mistake and that sucks. It's going to hurt for awhile, but it doesn't change how I feel about you. I need you just as much as you say you need me" I add honestly, sounding a little out of breath.

I immediately see the relief in Jace's eyes, as he doesn't waste a second. He crashes his lips onto mine and presses my face into his with his hand that is still on my cheek. My insides start to burn up, he's giving me the most amazing feeling in the world. Like he always does.

Everything feels heightened from the emotional roller coaster today. Our movements are slow and intense. I need Jace now more than ever, almost as if I have to prove to myself that he's finally mine. All the words Jace said to me today come flowing back into my head. He needs me. He finally figured out that he wants it all with me.

What's stopping us? The mistake he made?  Nobody's perfect. He made that mistake, and now he wants to make it better. So I'm going to let him.

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Get readyyyy :)