My Only Exception

Chapter One

LINCOLN

When you try and kill yourself, everybody walks on eggshells around you. As the days go on and the more you smile and say "I'm fine, thank you" the more they begin to believe it. You say it more for yourself, hoping and praying that you can trick your mind to believing it.

I was failing school, on the verge of being held back and repeating my junior year instead of graduating this upcoming one.

I've had the same routine for the past year and a half, this morning the only time being different. I stood in the threshold of my childhood home, taking in the unfamiliarity of everything. My mom who was passing by came to a stop just beside me, a box tightly rested in her hands.

"This is a good thing, Link." Her arm lightly nudged mine, my brain processed the words I wanted to speak, but my mouth remained sealed- so instead I nodded with a tight lipped smile and stepped into my new bedroom; not bothered to have a conversation with anybody right now.

I laid on my king sized bed and sighed as I stared at the ceiling, the sinking feeling in my stomach something I had been accustomed to by now. My bedroom door creaked open, not bothering to glance over, the tall figure laid next to me on the bed anyway.

Ryan crossed his arms behind his head in an identical position to mine. We sat in silence for a whole five minutes before I've had enough. Sighing, my raspy voice was something I wasn't used to hearing. "What?" It cracked throughout the one syllable word. Ryan didn't respond, instead he turned his body into mine, his hand supporting the side of his head.

"I miss you, Link." I sighed numbly before mimicking his movements. I didn't reply, instead I laid there silently, Ryan taking in my tired appearance.

I've only ever seen my twenty-two year old brother cry a handful of times and it was something that always made me feel sicker than I usually did.

As I laid here now, his bottom lip trembled slightly as he exhaled, my hand instinctively reached out and grabbed his in my own. "I'm okay, Ryan." He shook his head and buried his face into the crook of his arm.

The shittiest part in my opinion of being diagnosed with Bipolar Depression Disorder is this. Watching your family members and everyone you love hurting because they can't change you.

The sound of my brother's voice slowly becoming more clear is what brought me back to reality.

Dissociation can be a real bitch sometimes too.

"- You're not, Link. I wish I could take your pain away, I'm so sorry for not being there for you." Normally, I probably would have cried but as of lately, I had been so numb and right now I just wanted to be alone again.

"There's nothing anyone could have done. I'm just so sad and I don't even know why sometimes." He shook his head, picking it back up to mutter under his breath.

"What, Amelia did wasn't okay-." I cut him off before he could continue. I pulled my body away from him and stood up off the bed. He rolled on his back to sit up and look at me. "Please, Ryan. Can we not do this." He sighed and without saying anything more, he pulled himself all the way up, walking towards the door.

"Stop sheltering yourself from everyone, we all love you and are here for you." I sighed as the door he shut on his way out, slammed behind him.