Sunset Secret (Peter Parker x Reader)

Chapter 48

YOUR POV:
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I lean against a beam in the cabin, looking at the hologram.

"This time travel thing that we're going to pull off tomorrow... it's got me scratching my head about the survivability of all this. But then again, that's the hero gig. Part of the journey is the end. What am I tripping for? Everything is going to work out exactly the way it's supposed to."

I inhale sharply as he walks over to me.

"You did good, kid. I'm sorry. About me. About everything. And I know... I know that this is going to be hard. Really hard. But you'll be able to pull through. You're a smart kid. And a tough one, too. You've been through a lot. So, so much, and you shouldn't have had to go through that. Not a single bit of it. But I'm glad that it brought you to me. You... have absolutely changed my life. I love you, (y/n). You've got this. And you can add Underoos to the Science Squad if you want to, okay?"

I let out a teary laugh, the hologram in front of me holding out a hand.

Smiling sadly, I put out mine, doing mine and Tony's handshake, his pre-recorded movements perfectly synchronized. The hologram's arms wrap around me, and I drop my hand to the side, standing still.

It felt empty.

I know that I shouldn't have expected anything else, I do.

But when you grieve, I guess you just wish for the impossible to happen. Even though it obviously won't come true.

That's the beauty about loss.

No matter what, your brain will trick you into deceiving yourself, you'll go into denial, into unhealthy or harmful habits simply because a person has been removed from your life. It doesn't matter how many times that it's happened in the past. It doesn't matter if you know what's going on, if you understand with all your being that nothing can bring them back.

You'll still try to dupe yourself out of it, telling yourself that it didn't happen, that they'll come back. You'll still pinch and kick yourself throughout the day, willing your body to wake up from what you hope is a horrible dream. You'll still mourn, years afterward, even though you thought you were finally okay. You'll still sometimes hear their voice soothing you in times of trouble, saying the exact same words that they'd speak to you when they were by your side. You'll still cry at any time simply because their favorite food is stocked in an aisle at the supermarket, or because you hear a song that they chose as a ringtone play on the radio.

And it's hard to finally accept it, to tell yourself that you won't cry anymore. To only remember them without sorrow because if you remember them, you remember everything. Every good moment, and then the worst one. The one where you lost them.

But it gets better.

Eventually.

You'll shed a tear when you approach their grave, placing a bouquet of flowers in front of the headstone. When you talk to them, telling them everything that you've ever wanted to say. You'll sing along to that song on the radio, even though you may feel a pang of sadness. You'll hear their voice and use that advice because you know that they were always right. But you'll smile, because you can finally come to terms with the fact that they're at rest. That there's nothing to do anymore except honor their memory.

Because it does get better.

But it always takes time.

And I just didn't have enough with him. Or Nat.

But I had more than most. And I can only wish that I could take some of that time, however minimal, and give it to Morgan because I know that Tony didn't want his own child to grow up without a good father figure like he did. But unfortunately, it doesn't work like that.

"I love you 3000," the hologram says in front of Morgan, fading out.

I walk behind Pepper, Morgan, and Happy, stepping out of the line to stand by Peter. His hands are tense, and I take one in mine, feeling him relax. He gently squeezes my hand, and I do the same back.

We watch as Pepper places the bundle of flowers onto the lake, stepping back to watch it float out with the breeze. Everyone stays for a few moments of silence before dispersing, and I walk to an area overlooking the lake.

I sit down by the water's edge, seeing my reflection, the small pieces of surgical tape on my cheek barely noticeable. I fiddle with the bandage on my wrist, looking out across the peaceful body of water.

"I miss you," I say, trying to find the right words. "God... I just, this feels so surreal. I didn't ever think that both of you would go so soon."

I sigh, listening to the birds chirping and the wind blowing, softly.

"Nat, if it wasn't for you, I would probably be walking to another orphanage by now. I never would have found this... this family, this home. And since I lost her before I even knew her, you were the only mother I've ever had, and I wouldn't want it any other way. Tony... I'm so glad that I got to call you a father. You have filled every one of my days with joy and love, and I... I feel like I need to repay you two, somehow. I just... I'm not really sure what to do. You'd probably tell me to just live my life, but right now... gosh, right now, I just want to lock my door and cry my heart out. But I know that I can't do that. That wouldn't make you proud."

I bring my knees to my chest and look up at the sky, "What should I do? How... how should I act?"

The sounds of nature wash over me, and I take that as an answer. Stay calm. Get through one day at a time, because they'll wash over, peacefully. I smile, only slightly, as I look back at the lake.

"You were my guardians. Hopefully you'll be my guardian angels, too."

I stay where I am as the comfortable breeze blows my hair to the side. Someone comes to sit next to me, holding an arm out, and I lean into them. He pulls me into a gentle side hug, rubbing my arm up and down.

"She loved you," Clint says, "So much. Tony, too. You could see it in their eyes when they spoke about you."

I chuckle, resting my head on his shoulder as he leans his on my own.

"She's looking over you. They both are."

I smile, glancing up at the sky as it starts to darken in beautiful brushstrokes of color.

"I know."