Between the Covers - writing tips & tricks

The I's have it ... Unfortunately

If you've ever attempted to write a book in the first person then you know that it's difficult to accomplish. It's difficult to do it without ending overusing the word 'I' or ending up with pages and pages of internal dialogue. These are traps that are difficult not to fall into. If all your character is doing is talking to themselves inside their head and there's no outward action taking place it quickly becomes boring. 

Here's an example -

I didn't want to go to work but I knew I had to. I grabbed my keys and went out to the car. I got in and started it and I drove to work.

Let's rewrite that and get out of the 'I' trap -

No one ever wants to work, do they? I know that I don't but if there's one thing I understand, no work means no paycheck. A look at the clock told me that it was well past the time I should have left. Of course, I was moving in slow motion. It was the norm most mornings for me.

"Keys, keys." My muttering overlaid the sound of things hitting the floor as they were tossed around during my key search. "Here keys, where are you? Ah-ha, found you!" Also the norm, never leaving my keys where they could easily be found. I left them in the microwave one time, I'm still not certain how. All right, now out to the car and off to work!

The second example has more descriptions and fewer sentences with 'I' in them. You learn a bit more about the character.  If you keep to internal dialogue the entire time readers will learn very little about your character. Their personalities won't come through clearly. The readers need to see them interacting with others. If everything takes place inside their heads you don't learn much that isn't colored by their observations. 

Take a moment and think about the saddest book you've ever read. What made it sad? It wasn't simply because something tragic took place in the book, it was because you got to know the characters while reading the book. You became invested in their lives and their story. Now, think about whether it would have been the same if you never read the book and instead heard it from a  friend. It wouldn't have the same impact. You wouldn't be as invested in the characters' lives hearing about them secondhand. It's the same when you're writing. Readers don't want secondhand information, they want to see things happening firsthand. If it's all taking place inside your main character's head they miss out. It's also very boring.

Instead of a character simply bemoaning the fact she was dumped, show us the scene. Let us see how she was dumped. Let the readers feel her emotions. 

Internal dialogue-

It was horrible. I sat there staring at him as he told me it was over. He told me he found someone else. Then he asked for the ring back. I was devastated that night and still haven't recovered.

External dialogue-

David smiled as he took my coat and pulled out my chair. "Let me help you with that."

It was our fourth anniversary and I was incredibly excited about this dinner. A little less than two months ago he'd asked me to marry him and that made this anniversary extra special. He'd gone through all the trouble of planning this dinner, it was very romantic of him. We had begun planning our wedding immediately, everything was so perfect. The restaurant was lavish and I knew it was nearly impossible to get a reservation because they booked up quickly.