All Is Fair ~ Tom Riddle AU

Chapter 12

"Sometime this century if you would, Miss Potter."

"AMAZING RAVENCLAWS! Sorry, Professor Dumbledore. LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE TWO TEAMS!" Artemis said into the mic, making the crowd erupt in cheers as the players from the two teams flew in.

"THE TWO CAPTAINS, FLEABAG- OOPS, I MEAN FLEAMONT POTTER AND THE GORGEOUS ROMAN RHYS ARE LOOKING DETERMINED, SO THIS MATCH SHOULD BE AN EXCITING ONE." Artemis grinned, as she waited for Madame Hooch to signal the start of the match. "ANNNDDDD- THEY'RE OFF EVERYBODY! Woah, don't they get dizzy from flying in circles like that?! it's odd how Rome has such good coordination in the sky but manages to trip over the air on the ground and-"

"Comments related to the match only, Miss Potter." Professor Dumbledore told her, eyes twinkling bright with amusement.

"Right, my apologies Professor. AND SPEAKING OF APOLOGIES, HEY FLEABAG! SO SORRY TO TELL YOU, BUT RAVENCLAW IS JUST ABOUT TO SCORE THEIR VERY FIRST GOAL- WOAH! YAY! THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT! TAKE NOTES, LIONS. AND BILLIUS, I LOVE YOU, BRO!" Artemis cheered happily. "Ravenclaw is in possession of the quaffle. Davis passes it to Fredricks and Fredricks throws it to- MOTHERFUCKER! Gryffindor has stolen the quaffle. I repeat that they have stolen the quaffle. This is a real emergency, people! This is not a drill, I repeat, this is not a drill. C'mon Kelly, Reginald and Fred. You can do it!"

Dumbledore sighed tiredly beside her, dressed entirely in red and gold. "As I have been reminding you from the past five years, Miss Potter, you are supposed to be impartial."

"Am I, Professor? Sorry and- YES! I LOVE YOU CHARLIE! And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you successfully knock somebody off their brooms using a bludger and sheer force! Great work, Charlie! And yikes- I think Gryffindor chaser Ignatius Prewett has proven to all of us exactly how much a nose is important for a person to be classified as attractive. But Gryffindor's are strong, as proven by how quickly Ignatious is back on the broom and up in the sky once again!" Artemis said.

"In the meantime, the quaffle is being juggled back and forth between the enemy's remaining chasers, Fleamont and Harfang, and they look ready to be scoring a goal and- THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND EVERYBODY! MAD TALENTS HE HAS! HEY BILIUS, DID YOU SEE THE WAY ROME'S MUSCLES FLEXED AS HE BLOCKED THAT GOAL? IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD BE DROOLING RIGHT NOW. DID I MENTION HE'S COMPLETELY SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE WITH BOYS WITH BRIGHT RED HAIR AND PRETTY BLUE EYES?"

"Miss Potter, you need to comment on the game, not advertise people's dating life."

"Sorry, Professor." Artemis dutifully replied. "Anyway, Mason Hemingway has tried to hit a blunder towards Reginald. Emphasis on the word 'tried'. And in the meantime, Kelly has scored yet another goal for Ravenclaw! CAW-CAW MOTHERFUCKERS!"

"-Language, Miss Potter-"

"-Sorry Professor. Hey Hemingway! You might want to ask Charlie how he manages to keep his hair so perfect after throwing a bludger at somebody's face. Seriously mate, either you have dandruff or it's snowing." Upon noticing the amused yet disappointed look that Professor Dumbledore was giving her, Artemis continued.

"Anyway, there is no sign of the snitch yet, and the Ravenclaw chasers are once more juggling the quaffle amongst each other. The Lions haven't scored a goal yet and so they're getting quite anxious which is too bad because they aren't going to score a goal the whole match! The lions are getting in and- FUCKING DIP SHIT- sorry Professor, I'll mind my language next time- Fredrick just lost us the quaffle to my brother of all people! Why, Fredrick? Why do you hate me? Fleamont passes it to Ignatius who passes it back to Fleamont who throws it to Harfang now who is aiming for the- BEAUTIFUL STEAL FROM RAVENCLAW'S VERY OWN KELLY EVERYBODY! WE NEED A STANDING OVATION FOR HER! See, Fredrick, what a few hours of practice on the sport and not on French kissing can do for you?" She asked rhetorically.