RENOWN SERIES 2: Sweetened Life

PROLOGUE

"They said, forgive and forget. How can you forget something that ruined your entire life? How can you forgive someone if they didn't ask for it? If forgiving is difficult, how much more is forgetting?"

I am not a saint who can just forgive and forget them all; those awful memories kill me every single moment. - Kyza Loren Suizo

-

The blank canvas in front of me held my attention inertly. I sighed in frustration as I messed up my hair. I yelled at myself, "F-ck it! Get yourself together, Kyza!" and grabbed the paintbrush from beside me.

I squeezed my eyes closed. After six f*cking years, this is my nth attempt to paint again. I retired, not because it was something I wanted to do, but because I could no longer paint. It seems like I am a fish out of water—hopeless. However, I tried again and again. Still, nothing happens. Nagagalit ako sa sarili ko. How did I become so useless?!

Before the paintbrush's tip touches the blank canvas, I let out a stern breath while biting the inside of my lower lip. I have nothing on my mind. I simply allow my hand to paint what it wants to, unrestrained. And it's f*cking crazy! Robot na ba ako nito?

Have you ever felt stuck between wanting to do something and not knowing what to do? That's exactly what I feel right now.

I've never felt like an idiot, ngayon lang. I mean, every time I wanted to do something, I couldn't even start it.

Inilapag ko ang paintbrush sa lalagyan ng mga ito upang tingnan kung ano ang aking natapos. Bigla akong nanlamig habang nakatingin sa kulay itim na guhit. Ito ay imahe ng gubat na may abandonadong gusali sa gitna at may babaeng tumatakbo habang hinahabol ng mga lobo papalayo sa gusali.

Bilis ng tibok ng aking puso, kasabay nito ang paglabas ng kung ano-anong imahe sa aking utak.

"T-tulungan mo a-ako..." I heard a woman's plea.

"T-tulungan mo a-ako..." Paulit-ulit.

I don't want to hear her voice. I can't stand the sound of her being so hopeless and helpless.

"P-please... h-help m-meee... por fa—"

"Tigilan mo ako!" Nangiyak-ngiyak kong pakiusap. Parang sasabog ang ulo sa lakas ng boses niya. It feels like she's shouting near me.

Tinakpan ko ang aking tenga dahil ayoko siyang marinig, ngunit lalo lamang lumakas ang kaniyang boses. "A-ayudame... por f-favor..."

Naninikip ang dibdib ko sa sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. "P-TANG-NA MOOOOO!!! TUMIGIL KAAAAAAAA!!!"

Malakas na kumalabog sa sahig ang stand ng canvas dahil sa marahas na paghawi ko rito.

"Parang awa mo na tigilan mo ako!!! TAMA NAAAA!!!!" I threw the pail with water across the wall.

"Tama na! TAMA NAAAA!!!!" smashing the canvas on the floor. Kicking the paints and brushes across the room.

"Help me, Loren... Ayúdame..."

"P-tang-na naman! Sinabi ng tama na eh!!" Binali ko ang mga paintbrush.

I let myself fall to the ground after creating a huge mess. I cupped my face using my hands, harshly running them through my hair.

A handful of hair, I screamed in pain. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! PINATAY NIYO NA LANG SANA AKO!!!!"

I slowly laid myself on the floor, hugging my knees as my tears streamed down my face.

"P-p-tang-nang b-buhay to!" I screamed between my sobs before everything turned black.

I woke up in the middle of nowhere with lots of big trees surrounding me. "Where the heck am I?"