the anatomy of love [BxB] COMPLETED

43

"It's not that simple."

"Sometimes it is."

Jackson raises an eyebrow. "Okay, Caleb the Philosopher King."

"Can that be my drag name?"

"You are unbelievable."

"Sorry, yes, this is about you. And apologizing to Hunter," Caleb says with a sheepish smile. He recovers with an exaggerated narrowing of the eyes. "Why can't you just apologize?"

"It's not just an apology. I would need to back it up with action, and everything I do seems to make things worse."

"Not when you apologized to me and Lauren."

"That's different."

"How?"

Jackson doesn't know how to explain it, since it has everything and nothing to do with being gay, and Hunter being gay, and how much their friendship meant to Jackson and how badly he never wants to ruin it again but also how complicated and perfect it was without him even trying. "I never had a close friend that was gay. Who I didn't also fuck."

"I see," Caleb says, stroking his invisible beard. "If you guys became friends again, would you sleep with him?"

"Well, no," Jackson says, and to his absolute horror, blushes like he just admitted a school girl crush. This thrills Caleb to no end.

"Never thought I'd see the day, but ladies and gentlemen? Jackson has finally fallen in love."

"Caleb, relax. I'm not..." Jackson blushes again and covers his face with his hands. "This is so embarrassing."

"It's okay to admit that you have feelings for a really hot rich sugar daddy."

"Wow." Jackson shakes his head. "Sometimes I wish I never met him."

"Never met Weston Sawyer!" Caleb shrieks. "How dare you!"

"Holy fuck, the neighbors," Jackson hisses, trying to slap his arm but Caleb dodges him and puts a hand over his own mouth. "Good. Stay like that. I was only saying things would be less complicated if Wes wasn't a thing. Maybe I could have dated Hunter, who knows?"

Caleb slowly removes his hand. "Life is always complicated, you just weren't really living before." He puts up a hand to silence Jackson's protests. "You weren't risking anything, and if something isn't worth the risk, then it's just a waste of your time. You felt the risk with Hunter, and so you ruined things before you had to take that leap of faith. But now what are you left with? A dulled loneliness? A safe, whole heart but nothing to love with it?"

"You should consider being a motivational speaker," Jackson says, teasing as always, but he knows Caleb is right. He's never risked anything before, or if someone got too close to comfort, he cut them off to save himself. But who was he saving himself for if it only ever left him alone?

☆★☆

The rest of the night lingers slowly, yet still no texts from Wes. Jackson wonders if Caleb was right about this too, that Wes purposefully does not reach out to make him anxious, to make him tremble and insecure and depressed until just when he's about to lose hope and then ding! A text.

Or maybe he just forgot. Jackson tries not to think about it as he gets ready for bed. It's almost midnight, and if he's not staying up with Wes, he'd rather not stay up at all. He'd rather dream of something pleasant. Maybe just dream of nothing.

He's halfway under the covers when his phone dings on the nightstand. Jackson doesn't dare hope, but he's hoping anyway, just a little bit, and then he checks his phone and it's Wes. His chest floods with excitement and worry at the same time. Could he be apologizing? Changing his mind? Telling him to come straight to the office?