The Girl I Loved Once

Chapter 32

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

We're back in the lodge, it's much later now. My friends and I are in bathing suits, getting ready to go into the hot tub, when Lara Jean runs over to us. 

"Hey Large!" Gabe yells over my shoulder. Where have you been all day?"

"I've been around." Lara Jean tries to meet my eyes but I don't let her. "I saw you guys on the slopes."

"Then why didn't you holler at us? I wanted to show off my ollies for you." Darrell says. 

"Well, I called Peters name, but I guess he didn't hear me."

"Nope, Didn't hear you." I said. 

The guys make various ooooh sounds. and walk away, leaving me and Lara Jean alone. 

"Are you mad at me or something?" Lara Jean says after a long pause of silence. 

"Why would I be mad?" I respond. Its quiet again for a while.

"You know, you're the one who talked me into going on this trip, the least you could do is talk to me."

"The least you could do was sit next to me on the bus!" I burst out. This is definitely gonna put a halt on my ask out Lara Jean for real plan, I think. 

Her mouth drops open. "Are you really that mad that I didn't sit next to you on the bus?"

"Lara Jean, when you're dating someone, there are just...certain things you do, ok? Like sit next to each other on the school trip. Thats pretty much expected."

"I just don't see what the big deal is."

"Forget it."

I turn to leave, and she grabs my sweatshirt and pulls me back. 

"Come on," She says, "Don't be mad. I didn't realize it was that big of a deal. I swear I'll sit next to you on the way home, Okay?"

I purse my lips. "But do you get why I was pissed?" I ask.

She nods.

"Alright then, you should know that you missed out on mocha sugar donuts."

Her mouth falls open. "How'd you get those? I thought the shop didn't open that early."

"I went ou and got them last night, specifically for the bus ride." Hope bubbles into my stomach, and I decide its time. Inching closer, I continue. "For you and me."

"Aw. Well are there any left?" She asks. 

"Nope. I ate them all." I'm joking, they're in my room. But I'm gonna surprise her with them on the bus ride home. 

She laughs and swings her hands at my hoodie strings. "You creep," she says affectionately. 

I grab her hands mid-swing.

"Wanna hear something funny?" I ask.

"What?"

"I think I started liking you." I say. She goes still, and pulls her hands back. 

This isn't ideal.

"Stop teasing." 

"I'm not teasing. Why do you think I kissed you that day at McClaren's house back in seventh grade.? Its why I went along with this whole thing in the first place. I've always thought you were cute."

"In a quirky way?"

I grin. "So? I guess I must like quirky then."

I lean in closer to kiss her, but she blurts out before I can. 

"But aren't you still in love with Gen?"

I frown. 

"Why are you always bringing up Gen? I'm trying to talk about us, and all you want to do is talk about her. Yeah, Gen and I have history. I'm always gonna care about you." I shrug. "But, now I like you." I say. 

A guy walks behind me and slaps me on the back. "Whats up, bro." I say. He walks away, and I focus on Lara Jean again. 

"So, what do you say?" I look at her hopefully. I'm praying to whatever being might be up there that she'll say yes. 

She shifts uncomfortably. "You might think you like me, but you don't. If you didn't you wouldn't still like her." 

I shake my head. "What Gen and I have is completely separate from you and me."

"How can that be true when from this very minute, this has been about Genevieve." 

"Thats not fair," I say. "When we first started this thing, you liked Sanderson."

"Not anymore! But you still love Genevieve."

Im getting frustrated now. I back away and run my hands through my hair. "God, what makes you such an expert on love? You've liked five guys in your life, one was gay,  one lives in Indiana or Montana or some place, McClaren moved away before anything could happen, one was dating your sister. And then there's me. Hmm, what do we all have in common? Whats the common denominator?"

Shes bright red. "Thats not far."

I lean in close. "You only like guys you don't have a shot with, because you're scared, What are you so scared of?" I say. I'm practically yelling. 

She backs up. "I'm not scared of anything."

"The hell you're not. You'd rather make up a fantasy version of somebody in you're head than be with a real person."

"You're just mad because I didn't die of happiness because the great Peter Kavinsky said he liked me. You're ego is really that enormous."

"Hey, I'm sorry I didn't show up on your doorstep with flowers and profess my undying love for you, Lara Jean, but guess what, that's not real life. You need to grow up."

She turns on her heal and walks away. Over her shoulder, she yells, "Enjoy the hot tub!" 

I pull out my phone and open the message app. I find Gens contact and quickly text

Meet me at the hot tub in 5

"I always do!"

Sorry for leaving you guys on such a negative note this week, update next week per usual, don't worry! Leave a vote and a comment! :)

P.S, my laptops on the fritz, and Grammarly isn't working properly. I'm sorry if there are a million typos haha. Enjoy!