Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

30 June, 1980 - Suspicions

So she had her distractions with Remus and Sirius when they were home and when they weren't and Peter was, she had her distractions with him. It didn't slip her notice that Peter only came when she was the only one in the house and though she didn't particularly like it and it made her feel a whole host of things she wasn't sure she could place, she didn't question it. She had her guesses about why Peter preferred her company alone to mixing with the others and she didn't want to push him, not least because she thought one of his reasons might well be that she didn't pry and didn't judge.

Peter, it turned out, was rather different on his own than he was with the others. This wasn't unexpected, but Lavinia slowly began figuring out who he was when he wasn't hiding behind his false bravado. And the truth was, that Peter was lost. Perhaps as lost as she had been in those final years at Hogwarts. So she gave him what the Marauders had given her: an uncomplicated friendship and the silent offer to be distracted from it all.

They played games together and cooked together and Lavinia taught him how to bake bread, using all the tricks Bertie had showed her when she'd admitted what a terrible baker she was. They made cookies and ate half the dough before it even made it onto the baking sheets and into the oven. Sometimes, they just sat and talked, always about things other than the war. About hopes and dreams and their favorite candies and anything at all that was simple and uncomplicated.

Once, when Lavinia had put on an album by blind picking from the ones she'd never listened to before and ended up with some very repetitive music by a band called ABBA, she and Peter had soundly condemned the entire thing and decided Sirius was going to get a massive earful for even owning such a thing. Then, because she was bored and because she wanted an excuse to move her feet, Lavinia had hauled Peter to his feet and made him dance with her to the almost painfully catchy tunes that had gotten stuck in her head for nearly a week afterwards.

And when Peter was next over, all it had taken was her humming part of the lyrics for Peter to throw a pillow at her and tell her he'd only managed to get the bloody song out of his head a few days ago and damn her for putting it back in. Lavinia had sent a pillow flying right back and the whole afternoon had completely devolved until there was tea on the floor and the paper on the coffee table was crumpled and stained. But they were happy and laughing hard enough that Lavinia was clutching a stitch in her side by the time they finished.

It was almost like old times.

Except it was just two of them, the two outsiders who had always been a step back, extras to the kind of fairytale friendship shared by James, Sirius and Remus. Lavinia had never minded, really, that she wasn't exactly an integral part of the group because she had her own friendships with each. What did it matter how she fit with all of them at once when James was like her brother and Remus was the only other sane person she knew besides her and Lily. And Sirius... Sirius was her partner. Her equal and her other half. And she didn't give a damn what her place in a group was when she had each of them to love separately.

But Lavinia rather thought Peter did mind that he was always the last one the others thought of, the one who wasn't any of their first choices. And, she supposed, Peter had never really had one on one relationships with them like she did. Peter was always there with the group, and always the underdog, always the extra.

And perhaps it was that which made Peter so much more inclined to visit when it was just Lavinia. Because though she knew she was no replacement for the boys Peter had always wanted to impress, Lavinia got the distinct impression that Peter wasn't used to being accepted for who he was rather than who he tried to be for someone else's sake. And she knew how exhausting it could be to always wear a mask, so she made sure that at least around her, Peter never had to. He never had to pretend, never had to hide. And on those rare occasions when he came and was actually willing to admit his fears, she didn't judge. She couldn't. Not when she knew exactly where he was coming from.

So, as the months wore on into summer, Lavinia and Peter became closer and closer and Lavinia forgot her suspicions about that day in March when he had been so very afraid. She forgot that he was small and scared and easy to manipulate. Because she didn't want to believe it. And even if she was right, even if ignoring those suspicions was the worst thing she ever did, she couldn't bring herself to believe that he would ever sell them out completely. Because he was Peter. And he was her friend. And some small part of her kept thinking that if she just showed him what it was worth, showed him how much he would lose, and how much they had to offer, she could convince him to do what was right. She kept thinking she could save him.

And the more time she spent around him, the more she wondered if that wasn't exactly what he was waiting for someone to do.

A/N: So... it's really smokey here. And I'm asthmatic. Which is spelled in the stupidest way ever, but that's not the point. It's a mixed bag actually, because on the one had, I can't totally breathe. Which is bad, obviously. But on the other hand, the sunsets have been spectacular. I imagine the sunrises have been too, but it's not like I wake up in time and I don't care what anyone says, it's not worth it. Mornings are the worst. That's a tangent, though. The sunsets have been those really pretty ones you only really get when it's smokey, where for like 2 hours before the sun actually sets, it's just this bright red/orange ball in the sky and you can look straight at it and it's so gorgeous. Pictures just don't do it justice. It's really one of my favorite things and it's honestly such a shame that for it to happen, there have to be pretty big wildfires. Ah well. At least we get a little silver lining from it.

Anyway, as usual, I hope y'all enjoy and I'll be back again tomorrow!