Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

15 March, 1980 - Offers

Indeed, Lavinia Selwyn didn't protest at all. She was simply silent for a short while before her shoulders slumped slightly. "You have to do something," she insisted. "Please."

Again, he simply watched her for a long moment, thinking. "I can add protections to your home, but I cannot keep Sirius - or anyone - from fighting should they wish to," he said at last. Which was true. Sirius Black was a fighter. He and his friends had joined the Order right out of school and where Albus might have objected on the grounds of their age... he couldn't afford to at the time. He also couldn't afford to lose him as a member now, but that was not his reason for refusing. Sirius was an adult and capable of making his own choices. Dumbledore would not force this one on him.

The young woman's sigh and nod told him she understood, if not completely, then enough to know that there was no point in arguing, even if she didn't particularly like it.

Albus watched her for another long moment, considering her, deciding if this was the right time to press. He wouldn't likely have many more chances to push the issue and even if was manipulative, even if made her utterly right about him... This was a war. He had already done plenty of things he wished he didn't have to. But he did have to. During times like these, some things that were rather unpleasant were simply necessary. And he didn't have to like them. But he did have to do them. For the greater good. Even if the phrase made something heavy and aching fall onto his shoulders.

"You could protect him yourself," Albus murmured, putting aside old memories and focusing his eyes carefully on Lavinia Selwyn's face, taking in her expressions and those little flashes he could glean from legilimency. There was a burst of fear, then that grief again and finally, a sigh, deep and long enough to know that this was not the first time she had contemplated this problem since the giant camp assault a few weeks ago.

"I know," she murmured at last and the words sounded somehow... old. Like she had lived far longer than her young age. It reminded him suddenly and terribly of the cost this war had for the young people of the world.

"And I... I also came here for that," the young woman was now saying. Albus's eyebrows rose, but he waited as she took a deep breath. "I'll heal for you," she told him and her eyes as they met his were tired and pained. "On my off days, after work or before. I'll heal for you. But," she added, taking a deep and slightly shaky breath. "I won't fight. I can't fight."

He knew then that he could have pushed her. That if her fighting was the price he demanded for his protection, she would have agreed without second thought. But... but Merlin she was young. And this war had already cost her so much. So he nodded and offered her a soft smile, glad both for her offer and the knowledge that she had come to this choice without his having to coerce her. It was nice, that he didn't need to press and push, even if it was a small and foolish consolation. "Your help will be invaluable, Miss Selwyn," he informed her quietly, even as he began to second guess his decision.

It was probably foolish to not even try to convince her to fight because he knew he needed every wand he could get and by now he should be used to the price of raising and leading an army against Lord Voldemort. But somehow he couldn't bring himself to ask for more from her. Not when she already looked like she had just signed away her soul.

Indeed, she now sent him a forced smile and again he caught a flash of grief in her eyes. Like she was mourning someone's death already. And from what he knew of her, it was not her morality or her soul she was mourning. She didn't seem particularly the type to mourn something that affected her and her alone. No, this had to do with someone else. And he could guess who.

"You are, of course, welcome to come to meetings," he told her then, refocusing on logistics. On essentials. "Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin know the time and locations and can take you if and when you decide to accept a full role in the Order. Until then..." He trailed off and sighed. She looked so very very sad and that grief... yes, he had a good guess where it came from. She had made a choice. A choice that abandoned too many people she had once loved. And maybe she still did love them. But she had decided to let them go.

"I am sorry for your loss," he murmured.

Lavinia Selwyn snorted derisively at that and some of the grief he could still see was replaced by an angry disbelief. But ALbus merely shook his head and gave her a soft smile. "Whether you believe me or not, Miss Selwyn," he sighed, "I truly am sorry."

And he meant it. He was not a particularly sentimental man, but he had his soft spots. And this, he realized, might be one of them. He had once made a difficult choice between family and friends, old ties and new. And though his choice had been flipped... that grief had been terrible. He would not wish it on anyone.

She watched him for a moment with searching, suspicious eyes and he wondered briefly what she saw. Whether she could see his empathy, or if she thought it was merely pity that made him speak. Or maybe she believed that even this was some manipulation. But whatever she saw, she merely tipped her head forward slightly and murmured, "Thank you."

Albus inclined his head and watched her leave, mulling these new changes over in his head. So Lavinia Selwyn had finally made a choice. Which meant one less thing to worry about, in a sense. At least he wouldn't need to worry about injuries as much, even if he couldn't help but be concerned that her choice might be rather impermanent. It certainly had been last time.

But then, he reminded himself, last time he had pressed her. And this time... It seemed wrong to say she'd chosen of her own volition, because he had the distinct feeling that without that Death Eater attack she would have been far more torn. Either way, it was with her own two feet that she had come here. And she had offered without him pressing. So maybe this time it would stick. He certainly believed it would, if only because the moment she had explained why she was here, Albus had decided to trust her. It was a shame, really, that it had taken something as awful as an attack on her and threats to the lives of her loved ones, but it had happened and he had decided that if she trusted him to protect her, then he trusted her to protect them. If only because he didn't think she would dare risk losing the protection he and he alone could offer.

Not that he expected others to react favorably to her presence in the Order. There would likely be plenty of prejudice against her. Which might be useful in its own way. It would certainly show where peoples' true loyalties lay. And if Voldemort was truly trying to gain a spy in the Order, information like that would be more valuable than ever.

Albus tapped his fingers together absentmindedly, staring at the now empty chair on the other side of his desk and trying to solve the puzzle of how best Lavinia Selwyn could help him. And eventually, once he had reached something of a standstill on that front, he started trying to solve the puzzle of how best he could help Lavinia Selwyn. Because at the moment, that was more important. If only to keep her from looking at him with such old sad eyes that reminded him too much of the mistakes of his youth.

A/N: This... was a very interesting chapter to write. I really hope I did it justice bc damn writing Dumbledore is hard. Also, calling him Albus kept throwing me off, but as it's from his perspective (sort of. at least as much as 3rd person POV allows) and I don't think he'd think of himself as Dumbledore, it seemed to fit. Also writing 'Lavinia Selwyn' every time was also weird, but again, I don't think Dumbledore thinks of her on a just first name or just last name kinda basis. Also this chatper started at 1500 words when I began editing and now it's 2200 so this might officially be the most I have ever added to a chapter during the editing process. 

Anyway, as usual, I hope y'all enjoy and I'll be back again tomorrow!