Taming the Street Racer ✔️

44 | shattered

The crowd breaks apart from me and I rush after him, following him through the twists and turns of the hallway and calling his name. He doesn't answer, doesn't even turn to acknowledge me. He keeps going.

When he finally bursts through the double glass doors and into the frigid night, I slow down behind him. He brings his hands up to his hair, tugging the strands and looking up toward the endless night sky. He's pacing, moving his hands down from his hair to his face, and there's no doubt that he's in absolute agony.

"Gray," I say loud enough for him to hear me. "What's going on?"

He still doesn't look at me, just braces his arms over his head and stares at the sky some more. "That fucking doctor said that Gracie's brain is swelling. It's not getting enough blood flow in some areas. He's suggesting that they medically induce her into a coma."

I hold my hand to my mouth, trying to hide the despair in my expression. Imagining little Gracie, lying so still in that bed, suffering from such a severe brain injury makes me almost lose control of my body. "Will she be okay after that?"

Gray finally looks at me but not in the way I was expecting. His eyes are full of rage, directed right at me. He throws up his hands. "I don't fucking know, River! They're putting my seven-year-old baby sister in a fucking coma, and you think I know anything? They're gonna fill her with drugs and slow down her tiny heart. A fucking seven-year-old."

He's blazing with all kinds of emotions and his arms are in the air, getting closer and closer to me. I do something I've never done before. I step back from him, crossing my arms. Gray notices my movement with fiery eyes, and a flare of pure sadness and realization crosses his eyes.

Then it's gone, shielded by indifference. Gray smiles cruelly. Then he laughs loudly and emptily, moving away from me with his hands up in mock-surrender.

"No need to worry," he says, his voice void of emotion. He doesn't sound like the Grayson I know. "I'm not gonna hurt you. You don't have to hide your fear of me any longer, Coach." He spits the word out like poison and breaks my heart. Then he turns away from me, walking deeper into the dark parking lot.

I rush toward him, trying to prove that I'm not and never have been afraid of him. I grab his bicep, trying to turn him around. "Gray, wait. You know that's not how it is."

He yanks his arm from my hand, turning around anyway. "You know what's funny? I actually thought you saw me in a different light. You spew all that bullshit about being there for me and not judging me, but you're just like everyone else. I'm just poor, angry Grayson to you."

"That's not true. You know that's not true," I plead, my voice cracking. "I love you."

Another laugh. "Save it. You don't really love me. You just came into my life thinking that you could 'fix' me like you're some kind of saint. You really fooled me, I'll tell you that," he spits. "I'm not your charity case anymore so you can drop the act."

"What the fuck are you talking about, Gray? Every single thing I've said to you has been real, why don't you understand that?" I yell passionately. "You should drop the tough guy act and stop pushing me away."

"What really gets me is how far you've taken this," Grayson adds, brushing off everything I just said. "You invade my life, my house, everything, convincing me that I'm actually capable of being normal. That I'm capable of being loved. You distract me from the only real thing in my life--the person I've sworn to protect for the rest of my life--and this shit happens."

I'm at a loss for words, too hurt and wildly angry to even respond. He keeps going, landing verbal blow after blow. "I let you in, River. And this is what I fucking get."

I reel back, curling my lip back into something resembling disgust. "So you're saying this is all my fault? It's my fault that they're all injured? It's my fault that everything happened?" He stays silent, scanning the sky with dark eyes. "Grayson, answer me!"

"I don't know! All I know is that if I hadn't let you into my life, Gracie wouldn't have been at that sleepover. If I hadn't let you into my life, my phone would have been in my hand when Talia's mom called me. If I hadn't let you into my life, Gracie..." He chokes back an emotional sound, but I'm not having any of it.

"Say it. Say it right now," I demand, my voice no longer filled with anything but wrath. But on the inside, it feels like every molecule of my body is failing me, breaking into a million sharp pieces. Cutting me open from the inside out. Please don't say it.

Grayson doesn't say anything; he just sits on the curb, pressing his hands into his hands. Some of my anger withers, but not all. The wall between us feels impenetrable, fueled by our own intense emotions, but I won't let it stand between us. This tragedy cannot be the end of us.

His words feel like bullets to my chest but I won't step back again. He can unleash his fury all he wants, but I won't let him push me away. I tell myself that he doesn't mean what he says. There's no way that he means any of it. Is there?

But what we have is too great to let go of over one angry fight. I can't give up on him when he needs me most.

I stand my ground. I try to steady my voice as I stand over him. "We're both hurt right now, Gray, but I'm here for you. I'll do whatever you need me to do to help you through this, just please let me in. I said I'd fight for us and I'm fighting like hell right now."

From where I'm standing, I can see the strained muscles in his back and the black mess of his hair. His fingers, so long and lithe, spread across his forehead and cover his face from view. Through the silence, I try to memorize every detail of him. Every fine element of Grayson Maddox, because a deep painful feeling in my chest tells me that this could be the last time I ever see his beautiful features.

I'm hanging on by a thin strand, placing everything into the hope for our future together. More than anything, I want him to let himself heal with me. But something tells me that whatever he says next will throw my heart on to the ground and shatter it beyond repair. Please, Grayson.

But he doesn't even look up to respond. His face, the one I've learned to love more than I thought possible, stays in his hands. The words hit me before I can even process that he's speaking.

"You know what I want you to do? Get the fuck out of mine and Gracie's life. You've done enough damage."

And that's it. I said I'd do anything he wanted, and he's made his desire perfectly clear. I've poured everything out in front of him, stripped every part of me bare for him to see me, and it's not enough. And as soon as the words tear through my chest, I realize: I will never be enough for him.

I can fight all I want, screaming and scratching at his steel surface, begging him to fall into me as much as I've fallen into him. But in the end, I can't fight for someone who has no intention of ever returning the favor.

So I turn without another word, letting all emotion fall from my face.

And I walk away.

♔

author's note

there seems to be confusion so I wanna clear this up: gray did NOT hit the doctor. the doctor was described to not have any injuries. gray just started yelling in anger and punched a wall or something (some white boy shit lmao) and the blood on his hand was his own.