A speck of love to spare

✨Chapter ٣✨

He's already too close. 

"I know," He says, "I'm so sorry Rena."  

His pained whisper only pushes my guard higher.  I step away and erase any bit of emotion that could've escaped my walls.  He didn't deserve to see me vulnerable.  Not anymore.

I take the silence as an invitation to think his words over and over again.  My hatred for Blake and his actions still stand, the damage he did will forever scar me and I knew that.   Was I really willing to help him?  And if not, then am I going to be able to kill him?   What if I just refuse both deals and let them figure their shit on their own?  That'd be stupid, they will end up just hiring somebody else. 

  What about Lola?  I sigh and catch a sight of his clouded eyes from the corner of my eyes.  She will get hurt if I don't help Blake.   But I also can't kill Xavier, there is way too much risk there that could lead to even Nico being harmed.  He wasn't to be messed with.  Unlike Blake, he has a lot of family members,  relatives that could take over if anything were to happen to him and avenge him.  Whereas with Blake on the other hand, it would be much easier.  He has his guards down around me and he will be much easier to lure in.  If I'm thinking business wise, then his death won't harm me nor Nico.  It wouldn't hold much of a potential threat even if one of his men take over.  They would never have anything over us.  The only downfall of killing him will be Lola, I don't want to hurt her and I know Blake's death will devastate her. 

And me?  I mourned him once, I wouldn't the second time.

I felt a numbing silence wave through the air as my sharp dull eyes now focused on the wall behind him, where a dent from when I threw the gun stood out.   It helped hide the excruciating pain I was feeling.

Hide it.  The longer you hide it the less you feel it, little girl.

I clear my throat, still not looking him in the eye, and speak coldly.  "You will get my answer soon.  For now, stay out of my way."  

His eyes  stared at mine with fierce anguish that I chose to ignore as he began to walk away.  "Oh and," he turns back to face me, hope sparkling his eyes, "Remember, this is just business. Otherwise stay dead and out of my life."  I give him my signature devious smirk, a sinister spark now raisin in my lifeless purple eyes.  His body tenses but he only shakes his head before walking out the door.  Leaving me alone once again. 

I walk to the balcony and pull out a cigarette, lighting it up and inhaling a long puff.

Today felt like one of my twisted nightmares, I could barely even breath.  Panic settled low and high all over my body.  I clutched the railing for support and stared up at the moon.  I wondered what it would've been like if I was up there and nowhere near this shithole. 

What am I supposed to do?

Agree to kill my first love and ex boyfriend, the person who stole the last bit of love and humanity I had left, the person who lied to me and put me through years of torment for nothing, the person who taught me love only to take it all away from me?

Or

Agree to kill one of the absolute most powerful men in the whole ass world, one who I barely know anything about, the guy that is said to be the one threatening my childhood friend's life and could easily endanger everybody I ever cared even a little for.

...Or I could not kill anybody and just let them hire someone else instead of getting mixed up in their stupid shit.

All these questions run around in my head, though one in particular just keeps on constantly nagging and nagging me.