Reminded

chapter 10

Tony struggled to get Peter out to the car from the apartment. Peter had been hanging onto him so tight, making sure he wouldn't turn into thin air like May did in his dream. Peter's eyes were red and heavy, and the feeling of crying for hours aided his sleep, but no matter how many times he closed his eyes, they flew back open at the sight of May.

Tony drove in silence, periodically looking over at the boy making sure he was okay as he could be in this situation. He avoided all the potholes in the road and stopped at stop signs as carefully as he could, trying to let Peter have some peace. It hurt to see him like this, but it felt better knowing he was right next to him in the passenger's seat instead of god knows where.

Peter periodically sniffled with his head pressed against the window, letting Tony know he was alive. He could see him looking over at him from the corner of his eye.

God what am I going to do with this kid? Tony thought. He had never been worried about anyone but himself. Peter looked so frail. He had definitely gotten smaller since he had been living with him. He made a mental note to bring the kid to get more clothes, and to try to make him eat more. He was used to the kid saying "I'm not hungry" and not wanting to push him or upset him anymore so he never made him.

Peter's body felt like he had just taken a mega dose of nyquil, but his mind was going crazy. The hum of the car was usually calming, but now it sounded like a constant, annoying buzz. He felt like he needed to run, as fast as he could for a good three hours, then jump off the edge of the world just to get a little bit of emotional release. But instead he was stuck, all of his haunting and hounding feelings covered with a lid that wouldn't come off. His fear, and anxiety was boiling over. Which was weird. What did he have to lose at this point? Everything's gone.

He looked over at Tony, breathing in deeply, still being able to smell his aftershave from the passenger's seat. Tony's hands were at the top of the steering wheel. His thumb tapping as if he was in a hurry, but his lips remained in a straight line and his eyes were covered in rose colored glasses.

Peter breathed out harshly and went back into his uncomfortable, neck craning position looking out of the window. I wonder if I wore rose colored glasses things would look a little brighter for me half joked to himself.

--

It had been 38 hours since Peter had gotten back home to the tower. 38 hours Peter was awake for. His thoughts during the day were painful enough, but he felt a lot better keeping them corralled while he was responsive vs being shaken awake because he was screaming in his sleep. There's no disappointment when you don't sleep, no dreams making things darker and more lonely than they already are, and no dreams creating a false reality of hope, and waking up to disappointment.

He had no variables at this point that he could control, so the last thing he found out he could, he put all of his energy into it. At this point, he wasn't tired, or craving warm bed sheets and a soft pillow. He was focused on the game, every hour longer meant the more he was winning for the first time in the past agony filled weeks.

"Mr. Parker, this extreme sleep deprivation will cause all of your complex skills to start to lose their functions, and your health is at great risk. Due to your fast metabolism and need for an abundance more of sleep for the regular human, your brain could start slipping into unconsciousness causing you to lose the ability to remember faces and names, for a start" Fridays voice said a little too loud for Peters liking. He wrinkled his eyes like he was looking for something small, on a surface the same color

"Your brain is entering the beginning stages of what microsleep. You are exposed to high blood pressure, and risk of heart failure, heart attacks, and stroke." Peter wished the AI with the thick irish accent hadn't have said anything.

"M'not looking for a web md definition" He said, sounding like a young boy who had just got scolded by his mother. He remained sitting on the corner of the bed picking at his cuticles nervously without knowing it.

"Good thing Friday is self sustaining and doesn't rely on third party websites for her information. Kudos to whoever made her that way." Tony said walking into the kids room, with a slight smirk that faded when he saw the fragile state Peter was in.

"She's telling me i'll forget faces and names.." Peter looked down "How could I? I barely have any to remember in my life anymore" he said, surrender and weakness dripping from his quiet tone.

Tony walked closer to Peter with sadness in his eyes for the boy. He should never even have to say that in the first place. "Well i'll tell you what. I can't have you forgetting this face" Tony said motioning to himself "So lay your head down Pete. You need the sleep" He said strongly, but not too demanding

"Please don't make me" Peter looked up at his mentor for the past year, with his glazed over golden retriever eyes. Before he would have never shown Iron man any weakness, but now it was his only choice. He had no other emotion, there was no other version of him, hiding that was stronger. This was all there was to him.

Tony's heart broke, hearing the kid say those words. "I'll make you a deal, if we can wipe those bags under your eyes away, you can stay awake." He walked over to him and softly lifted his chin with his finger. Tony took both thumbs underneath Peter's eyes and lightly grazed them back and forth his cold, pale skin. He wanted to shudder, feeling and seeing the once full of life kid turn into a cold statue of the most painful emotion he could muster up. But instead, he pretended to examine Peter's undereye bags while Peter looked up at him, almost nervous with anticipation.

"I'm sorry buddy" Tony said to him, really truly meaning it "But it looks like the only way those things are going away are with some rest."

Peter was the smartest boy Tony had ever met in his life. Of course he knew the bags wouldn't just wipe away, but Tony brought a sense of optimism that he could never find no matter how hard he searched. He hung onto that.

"I cant p-please I cant be alone in my head like that please Mr. Stark" Peter stumbled over every word he nervously said.

"Hey, hey. You don't have to be alone, i'm right here." Tony said, while already fixing his bed up to look more... worn in, rather than a magazine cover. Not a wrinkle or indent where someone had sat. Peter watched him with interested eyes.

"Just a small nap, that's all i'm asking of you. Just close your eyes and try." he said, patting the spot that he just freshly made more welcoming and homey for the kid.

Peter reluctantly moved over and layed down slowly, eyes still wide open, red because they were dry, and covered with a layer of fear. Tony stood up from the edge of the bed he was sitting on. Peters reflexes immediately reached out in fear of him leaving "Please stay" He spat out

Tony looked behind him at the boy "I'm not leaving, Im grabbing you another pillow" He said in a comforting tone, but it still made peter feel stupid for acting so strongly and childish

Tony came back over and adjusted the new pillow underneath Peter's head and sat back on the edge next to him. "Now close your eyes, and if you have a bad dream, i'll wake you up and remind you that everything is gonna be okay, kiddo. I'll stay right here" his hand made its way into the kids hair, lightly scratching his scalp, which Peter found extremely relaxing and made his once wide eyes, start to flutter closed.

Peter's eyes closed and he found comfort in feeling the dip in the bed, because he knew Tony was still there. Peter racked his brain for things, rather than May, to think about as he was drifting off, but the hands running through his tangled, curly, hair cleared his mind enough and made him feel safe so he didn't have to fear seeing her disappear again.

He breathed in deeply, smelling after shave and motor oil, and for once his mind was at peace. Maybe I do still have something left to lose.