Best Friends

I Was Wrong

I had never felt so completely DONE with something in my life. But then one phone conversation changed my mind.

I was talking to my mom like I did every few days and she casually made a comment about how grateful she was for Ed's financial help. I instantly questioned what she meant and could tell that it had been an accidental slip. She didn't want to tell me. She was afraid that I'd be upset if I knew that she still talked to Ed. 

She told me that after the divorce and then after my dad's health scare, Ed had been calling her consistently to check in on her and offer any help he could. He knew that she was stressing herself to death and had no idea how she was going to afford her house, her car and all of the court costs racking up. She never asked him for help, but he wanted to make things easier on her. He had completely paid off her mortgage, her car and wrote a check to cover the other bills. 

I was shocked. I had had no idea. My heart melted and my stomach dropped to the floor. This was the kindest thing anyone had ever done for me or my family. I had no idea why he would continue to be so generous after we broke up and after we had pretty much stopped talking or getting along altogether. I knew it wasn't just to get me back because he had never mentioned it to me before and didn't want my mom to tell me either. I started to feel like I might have made a huge mistake telling him to never talk to me again. 

As soon as I hung up with my mom, I called Ed. No answer. I texted him saying that I needed to talk to him and saw that he read it but he still didn't reply. I tried to call two more times and now it wasn't even ringing, it was going straight to voicemail. He was deliberately declining my calls. I didn't really blame him, but I knew I had to talk to him again. I wanted to thank him and tell him that I didn't really mean all of those hurtful things I said to him. 

Long story short, I eventually looked up his tour dates and saw that he was playing a show that same night about 4 hours away from me. I knew it was crazy and I knew I would make myself look like a psycho, but I got in my car and I drove straight there. If I didn't make any stops I knew I could make it to the venue before everyone left to head to the next city. 

I put one of my cameras and an old laminated pass I had in my car around my neck just in case anyone questioned me, but they didn't. Luckily I knew one of the security guards there from other shows we had both worked and he let me backstage with no problems. I had gotten there at the perfect time. It was Ed's last song and it was almost over. I could just wait at the side of the stage and get his attention when he walked off. 

He almost walked right past me but as I shouted his name and walked forward, he glanced over and then stopped dead in his tracks. Some random guy ran up quickly and held his hand out, signaling for me to stop. I tried to walk around him but he kept blocking me. 

He looked at Ed. "Do you know her?"

Ed hesitated to answer him at first, looking at me over his shoulder. He was still pissed. He looked back at the random guy. "Nope." 

The guy nodded and put his hands on my shoulders to move me back away from Ed. My hands were immediately at his wrists trying to push him off of me even though I knew that wouldn't work. Ed had started to walk away, so I yelled as loud as I could after him. 

"C'mon, Ed! I just drove 4 hours to get here!"

He stared at me, shaking his head in disbelief. "Why? What are you doing here?"

I opened my mouth to answer, realized there were still a million strangers standing there watching us and promptly shut it again. I didn't want to just yell out our personal business. He gave me a second to answer and when I couldn't come up with anything he let out a little laugh and walked away from me. I had to do something to stop him. I had to swallow my pride and say something that I always avoided admitting if I could. 

I squeezed my eyes shut and yelled, "I was wrong!"

I took a deep breath before cautiously opening my eyes again. I thought for sure I would only open them to see Ed walking away from me. But now he was walking towards me. Which could have been either a good or a bad thing. 

"You were what?" his face was confused, like he didn't think he had heard me right.

"I was wrong. About everything. I'm sorry. I'm -," I looked around at all of the people there. "Can we talk somewhere alone? Please?" I knew I sounded pathetic and desperate.

He crossed his arms over his chest and let out a huff. He glanced around at everyone too as he considered it. He gave me a shrug. "Why? Why should I give you any of my time after you demanded that I never speak to you again?"

"I know, I hear you. I just...I had to try."

The look he was giving me was scary. He looked like he wanted to fucking murder me. I wanted to either burst into tears or run away. But I forced myself to stand my ground and stare right back at him until he agreed to hear me out. 

"Outside." He pointed to the door.

I nodded gratefully and walked quickly over to the door, Ed following right behind me. Once we got outside he walked off in another direction and told me to follow him to his bus. He didn't pause to hold the door for me and he sat as far away from me as possible when we reached the living room area. He spoke first.

"You made it very clear that this was done." He used a finger to gesture between us. 

"I was pissed. I was hurt. I couldn't deal with it anymore at that moment."

"Did something change?" he had a sarcastic tone.

"Yeah I, uh, was talking to my mom today." I nervously looked up at him. "She told me everything you've done."

"So?"

"So...I had no idea. I wanted to thank you. And...ask you why."

"Sam, just because we broke up doesn't mean I stopped caring about you or about your family. I love your parents. I would never NOT be there for them. If I can help in any way, then I'm going to."

"But. Things didn't exactly end on good terms with us. I hated you. I mean, I really hated you. I was super shitty to you to make you feel how I felt."

"Look. I get that I was back and forth with you and that's not fair. I know I wasn't the best boyfriend and I know I've pulled some shit too. But I will never stop trying to be your friend. You'll see that one day."

"I see it now. That's why I had to talk to you. I hate how things are between us. I owe you a lot and you deserve more credit than I gave you. I'm really grateful to you. Honestly."

"Right. Well, it's no problem. Happy to help. I really hope we can be friends again some day."

We shyly smiled at each other and then he started to get up. I reached over and put my hand on his arm. I told him to wait and he froze for a second. He hesitantly sat back down.

"I feel like I made a huge mistake. I feel like us breaking up was a huge mistake. How we handled it was a huge mistake. Us giving up is a huge mistake. I don't want to be over you. I miss you. I miss us."

He didn't say anything. He leaned forward with his arms resting on his legs, his head resting in his hands. He was looking down at the floor. It felt like I was sitting there for an hour in silence. He eventually noticed what time his watch read and then slowly got up onto his feet.

"I have to go, Sam. We have to hit the road soon."

I stood up too and hesitated in front of him. I looked at him, hoping for a smile of reassurance or a hug or anything but got nothing. I couldn't do anything besides just nod and turn around to leave.