Best Friends

Gone

I remember at that time thinking that Christmas morning was perfect. The best Christmas I had ever had, even despite all of the shitty things going on in my life. After Ed and I got dressed and went downstairs to join his family we all ate a big home cooked breakfast and then gathered in the cozy living room in front of the fire place to open presents. I was curled up on Ed's lap most of the time, neither of us going very long at all without touching each other in some small way. A hand on the leg, an arm around the shoulders, a peck on the cheek.

Later on that day it started to snow pretty heavily. Huge white flakes. Ed and I were excited (me especially) because we didn't get to witness snow falling very often. We bundled up and made some hot chocolate with Goldschlager in it and went outside to watch the snow with Matt. His girlfriend had left earlier to go do a second Christmas with her family. It was so pretty and peaceful out in the snow. That kind of eerie quiet that only seems to happen when a fresh and undisturbed blanket of snow has just settled. 

It eventually turned into a drunken snowball fight, though. We all three temporarily turned into little kids yelling and running after each other. Our clothes got soaking wet and by the time we went back inside we were all freezing to death. I went upstairs to take a shower and Ed sneaked up a few minutes after me. We peeled each other's cold clothes off and had the best, hottest, steamiest, most passionate shower sex ever. 

We had a big dinner and then spent the rest of the night watching Christmas movies in our pajamas with Ed's family. We couldn't stop snacking on cookies and sweets. Mrs. Sheeran made us pose for a million pictures and I'm sure I looked like I was pregnant with a food baby by that point. She kept asking if there was anything else should could make for us, we would say no and she would apologize, saying that she was just so happy we were both there.

Ed stayed in my room with me that night, but the next morning I woke up in an empty bed. When I looked over at the nightstand to see what time it was, I saw one more gift from Ed. He had scribbled my name on a small piece of paper in front of it. I opened it and saw that it was a brand new camera. It was actually one of the best cameras available, one that I knew I could never afford.

I squealed in delight and got dressed to hurry downstairs and find him. The house was unusually quiet. I didn't know where everyone was but I finally found Mrs. Sheeran sitting out on their closed in back porch drinking a cup of coffee. She told me that Ed had left in the early morning hours to catch a flight back to the States. 

My stomach dropped. He had just left in the middle of the night without even saying goodbye. He hadn't even mentioned that he was going back so soon. I had no idea where he even went back to. LA? New York? Nashville? We hadn't even talked about when we would see each other again. I checked my phone but there were no missed calls, no messages. Was this it? Was it really over now? 

The more I thought about it, the more pissed I got. He basically flew here, took advantage of my vulnerable state, acted like everything was fine again and then left like it was nothing. Did I do something wrong to cause him to run off? Was everything he said and the way he acted all just bullshit so he could get into my pants again? Or had he changed his mind about everything that quickly? Was he a fucking psychopath? 

I felt like I was taking crazy pills or was sleep-walking. It all happened so fast and now my head was spinning. What was I supposed to think? What was I supposed to do? Were we "talking" again, sleeping together again? Or were we going back to not speaking again? Was I supposed to call him? Or was I supposed to act like nothing happened? 

He didn't know me at all if he thought I could just let it go. There was no way I could just leave it. I decided to be nice at first and sent him a text that just said "thank you" for the new camera and that I hoped his flight got in safe. He never texted me back. I waited for a couple of hours and when I still had no reply and couldn't take it any longer, I called him. 

He didn't answer the first time. I tried again after a few minutes and he picked up like he was annoyed. I cut right to the chase. 

"You didn't even say goodbye." 

"Sorry. I didn't want to wake you."

"Well, you could have at least told me you had a flight back and were leaving soon." 

"I didn't really see the point." 

I still didn't fully understand what he was trying to say. "Well my flight back is in two days. Do you want to come over? If you're in LA, I mean."

He didn't say anything. I thought maybe the call had dropped, but of course it hadn't. "No...we aren't together Sam." I had no words. A few more seconds of dead air and then he added, "I thought you understood that the past couple of days were just a one time thing."

"You...dropped everything and flew to London because I was having a hard time. You told me you loved me, you had sex with me, you made me part of your family holiday...and now it's just...over? It really didn't mean anything, or change anything!?"

He wasn't going to have this conversation. He hurriedly said he had to go and hung up. I think I just sat in shock with my phone in my hand for the next 10 minutes. And then I started sending him a series of mean, hateful, hurtful texts. I also called him like 8 more times. He wouldn't answer me though. The only thing I got from him was a text that simply said "Stop." 

I could not comprehend why he was being like this after we had such an amazing time in London together. Like honestly, what the FUCK?! Why even come at all if he didn't want to have anything to do with me after the holidays were over? What a piece of shit. At least now though I had motivation to move on. Now he had given me the anger I needed to write him off. And that made it easier for me to get on with my life. 

I went back to California and kept working with Adam and traveling here and there. I talked to my mom daily to make sure she was doing okay and we planned time to visit each other around our work schedules. I was still pissed at my dad, but told him I would be there to help if he needed it. He was getting off pretty easy, really. He pretty much only had to change his diet and monitor his blood pressure levels. I was relieved to have one less thing to worry about. Or at least not worry so much about. 

I wasn't upset and crying over Ed every day, but I did try not to think about him. It still broke my heart to think that I had lost not only my best friend but my "person." In a way I did still believe that he was my perfect match, my other half. His mom even told me that she was really surprised things didn't work out. She thought him coming home for Christmas would change things. 

I've always been a realist and now wasn't any different. I was becoming more and more okay with the fact that we just couldn't work out as a couple. We had tried and there was nothing more to be done about it. I mean, look what just happened with my parents. I had started to believe that nothing was "forever." Whether it's 6 months or 20 years, everything eventually had to end. Ed and I had our time and it was obvious that we weren't willing to do any more work to maintain a relationship.

But fate wasn't done with us. Our paths would cross yet again. If they hadn't, I wouldn't be telling this story.