Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

4 March, 1980 - Brave (II)

It had been easy, he supposed, to ignore the signs. Easy to dismiss them as normal when he saw her almost every day, when the changes had undoubtedly been gradual. But looking at her now, he saw the dark rings under her eyes that were too deep to be from a single day's unrest. He saw the pallor of her skin that spoke of stress and fear and sleepless nights. He saw the slight gauntness in her cheeks and remembered how easy she had been to pick up. He remembered other things too, now that he was thinking about it, the way she held onto him tighter these days, the way she set her jaw before they left on Order business, the fear in her eyes that she always tried to hide when she bid him goodbye. The way she always seemed to be up and waiting, no matter what time of day they returned. And the hazy memory of her kneeling over him on that field that maybe, just maybe, hadn't been a dream at all.

"Vin?" he asked carefully. She looked back up at him, something like apprehension in her eyes. "Did you come into the valley yesterday?"

Her face crumpled, twisting in pain and fear and guilt and Merlin, he wished he could make it all go away, wished he could snap his fingers and take whatever quiet hell had led her here and bury it somewhere it could never be found. Wished he could go back and notice those little changes before they became... this. This mess that reminded him of years ago. This mess that was so horribly, painfully familiar.

She didn't need to say the word, but she did, a confirmation of what her expression already spoke volumes about. "Yes," she whispered. Then, when he didn't immediately speak, his head too busy trying to sort out what he could possibly say to make this better, she continued. "I saw you get hit," she murmured, the words filled with such a soft and desperate fear that he pulled her closer, if only to remind her that he was here. He was okay.

There were tears beading in his eyes and an awful guilt for all that he knew it wasn't his fault and she didn't blame him. He should have said something, then, he was sure of it. Should have told her he was sorry or promised to be more careful or... or something.

But she wasn't done talking.

"I saw you fall. And they couldn't get to you, not without nearly dying themselves and I... I didn't think," she admitted, shaking her head against him, her breath hitching. "I just ran. And you were okay. I knew I could heal you but... but I didn't know how to get out because I couldn't carry you and when I took down the shield charm -"

She stopped, the rush of words breaking into silence so suddenly Sirius pulled away to look down at her and make sure nothing had happened. But her eyes, though bright, were not crying and she merely swallowed and shook her head again.

"Someone sent a curse so close and I... I just... sent one back. Without second though. I..." She took a shaky breath and swallowed and again Sirius squeezed her, knowing, or guessing, from her pause that this moment, whatever came next in her story, was what had sent her over this edge she had been standing too close to for too long.

"It was William," she whispered, the name whispered so quietly, he barely heard her. A breath or a gasp or a prayer. But hear her he did. And his heart broke again.

Of all the people she could have seen on that field, of all the people a random spell could have been sent at, William was the one that would hurt her most. Because of all of them, he knew, William was the one she had never condemned in the slightest. William, who she insisted had saved her life. William, her little brother who had made her leave when Lavinia, sweet, stubborn Lavinia, would have stayed despite all the hells that family had given her.

And he could understand at least part of this hell, though he doubted it was the only piece to the puzzle. She had sent a curse back. Lavinia, who had repeatedly refused to fight, refused to actively participate for either side, had retaliated. Which she had every right to do when curses had been flying past everyone on that field but... But she wouldn't see that, he knew. She would see William, who she had tried to curse. Her brother, who had offered her another shot, who might well think she had used that gift to turn against him.