The Cheerleader's Side Piece

The Fall Pt. 5(5)

Rushing to the door, I bounced through it. My hair was damp and so was my clothes but overall, I was pretty okay. Going down the aisles, I turn for the backdoor that leads to the abandoned room upstairs. Once up there, I squeezed through the little window that Cassie broke about three years ago when we first found the place. Inside there were puddles, all from the cracks in the roof. It was freezing and dark. In the back tucked behind some rotten wood, I found the tent we set up. I could see the lantern on, meaning she was inside. Earlier today I called Cassie; she'd been missing from her house for a couple of days. It wasn't odd for her to just up and leave; actually it was extremely normal, but no matter what... out of everyone who tried to call her, find her, or reach her... I was the only one who knew where she was. The moment I called, she answered. The minute everyone went out searching, I ran here to see her hiding. To me, she was rebellious. Acting up and rioting against her family. Now... I'm not sure whether she's rebelling or escaping.

I unzip the tent, immediately finding her curled up next to the window. That's where she sat. She could sit there for hours; thinking, staring out the window... it's as if she was always deciding something big. Zipping it behind me, I leave a little crack... just in case. I wait a couple minutes, staring at her.

She's beautiful. No matter the disgusting words that came out of her mouth, the terrible things she's done, the hell she's put me through.... I still saw her. Not only was she radiating from the outside, I knew deep down she glowed. However, throughout the years something in her has just masked that light. It's started to manifest and sprout. Sometimes I can't tell whether it's Cassie or Cassidy Winters anymore...

The truth is there shouldn't be a difference.

"Cassie," I muttered out, she turned her head to look at me. For a moment, a brief tiny moment, her eyes seemed empty. It's as if she didn't recognize me... as if nothing was in her body... that she was some hollow shell. But that moment went away in a flash and her eyes sparkled. A smile smeared across her face and the happy wrinkles showed. She extended her arms to me, engulfing me into an embrace. Her skin was ice... turning red from sitting in this broken building. She leaned her head on my shoulder, cuddling up to me. There was nothing warm on her body, nothing to protect her from the cold. She was wearing a simple t-shirt and volleyball shorts, the kind of outfit she wore to sleep.

As she huddled up to me, I expected her to ramble like usual... but she remained silent. Shivering slightly, she just closed her eyes and leaned on me. Swiftly taking my hoodie off, since I had a sweater under it, I pulled it on her. She didn't even notice. Going along with everything I did, it seemed as if she really was empty. "Cassie... why are you here?" I asked softly.

She shrugged.

I softly ran my fingers through her hair, which was stiff and tough, "You can't be out here... only wearing this." Again she just shrugged. I continued to comfort her, feeling her weight become more and more on me. "Cassie... Cassie... we need to talk," I said, feeling my anxiety bubble. She nodded, barely listening I believe. I continued to hold her, thinking that the more I comforted her, the more she'll listen and see my point. "Cassie... I love you... I love you too much," I started, my voice wavering and cracking at times, "and the love I have for you... it's putting my life at risk." She tensed a little bit, yet remained still. "Cassie.... you and I both know that... that what happened can't be easily set aside," I was whispering now, debating whether to retreat or stay strong. Taking a deep breath, I felt myself choke up, "And there is a part of me Cassie.... that can't forgive you." Shuddering, I felt her tears fall onto my shoulder.

That told me everything.

Pulling her into an embrace, I continue to speak but tears begin to fall down my face. "Cassie... you need help... you need to change somehow. I can't continue being a punching bag anymore Cassie... I can not continue to turn a blind eye whenever I catch you with someone else. I can not keep worrying whether or not someone from our school finds out. I can not continue to beat myself up over every little thing all because I upset you.... I can not.. I can not continue to be with you if I'm so fucking afraid of you."

I pulled back to see her face... devastation. We were both so broken... both shattered at what we have become. Deep down we both knew... we both knew this day was going to come. No matter how far we ran from it, ignored it, acted dumb... it was inevitable.

Wiping the tears from her face, I smile a little, "I love you Cassie... I love you so much... but... but I don't love Cassidy. I hate her... I can't stand her. She makes me hate myself, makes me want to end it all.... and I know if I stay with Cassie, I have to tolerate Cassidy.... and I can't anymore." We were both sobbing, hyperventilating a little. The cold air froze our tears, our cheeks burning. "Maybe... maybe after you figure yourself out... fix whatever you need to... become the girl I love and know is deep down inside... maybe we can be together. Maybe then we can have the house and corgi we name Anica... I'd love to have that future, to have that become reality Cassie... but right now, how we're living, that dream is only going to be a dream.... and I don't have the strength nor will to put up with this nightmare of a relationship anymore," I confessed it all; sobbing, slightly yelling and holding her. We remained together, holding each other and crying; but we weren't together anymore. In the darkness, as the night went on, I just listened to her faint apologies.

Her lack of speech wasn't because she wanted to stay quiet... no...

It was because she had lost her voice.

And I would come to find out later, that the reason she lost it was from screaming for help too loudly... for too long.