Cigarette under moonlight (bxb)

1

Sitting under the moonlight somehow takes away all the pain from me.

This is so calming and peaceful that I don't want to go back inside. I can see the stars twinkling and the moon shining brightly in the sky. I wish I could capture this moment, I tried to click a photo but it was not like the sight I could see with my eyes. A soft breeze touched my face and-

"AARAV! FOR GOD SAKE WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME" Kanishk screamed while I put my hands on my ears, this guy never lets me enjoy my peaceful time.

"I'm sitting next to you asshole", he looks at me for 15.8 seconds and says 'your point' and as usual I can do nothing but sigh.

He places his hand on mine and looks at me then looks at the sky than does a dramatic sigh and says, "You've changed, you don't love me as before" he fakes an ugly sob, "I- I'm no- not your baby anymore!"

"No no!" I place my other hand on his "you are my only baby. And I love you as always, look at me, baby." And he looks at me and I look at him and he looks at me and I- okay okay I should not do that.

"Gay panic!"

"What the fuck?"

Nick takes his hand away from mine and stands up then turns around slides his window open and goes inside. I follow him and go inside too. He is on his bed. Without his shirt, fuck I can see his abs! Now, this is gay panic, I try to maintain my expression as normal as possible. And for some reason, he looks at me with a smirk. And I chock.

"Kanishk, what are you doing here before that how the hell did you remove your shirt so fast AND before that why the fuck did you remove your shirt at all?"

"I thought we were having a moment," he says while I throw his shirt at him. He is indeed stupid. Sometimes I think if I made a mistake coming out to him, I mean I liked that he brought a rainbow cake for me but wearing "my bestie is gay" was kinda too much.

Kanishk stands up and announces that he wants to take a shower I tell him to go but he stares at me.

"What?"

He hesitates and looks down and when he looks up he has that adorable puppy eye look and my heart melts at that moment I want to give him all the happiness in the world and protect him, but then I know that he will ask for something stupid so I keep my guard up.

"Come on just say what you want"

"Will you tak-"

"No! Never, not in a million years" I know what he is gonna say and he says that whenever I'm here, I don't get the point but then most of the things he does are pointless.

"You don't even know what I'm going to say"

"I exactly know what you will say so just shut up and go before I throw something at you"

He sighs and goes to his big ass bathroom, did I mention that he has a jacuzzi. Rich people and their lives.

I take out "Simon vs the Homo sapiens agenda" I have only a few pages left but I don't want this to end. I love this book but at the same time, I'm jealous of the life that Simon has because I know I can never have what he has.

Kanishk is the only person who knows about me being gay. He is the only person I can be true to. I remember when he asked me why people have to come out, I didn't know what to say to him or maybe I did but I couldn't explain it to him. I think coming out is not to tell people who we are but it's more of telling ourselves who we are and there is nothing wrong. But coming out is so hard, especially if you live in India where there are still cases going against Same-sex marriage even after the passing of section 377. I wish I could have understanding parents. I wish I could be myself around them and not feel ashamed. I wish sometimes that I wasn't gay so my parents would be proud of me. They have given me so much and if I tell them about my sexuality everything will be over. I don't know what their reaction will be and I don't even what to imagine but I do, imagine it. I know what my father will say, what the whole society will say. They will judge me, laugh at me, and give me taunts. What if? What if they disown me?

I don't want that. I can't live without them, I hate them sometimes but at the end of the day, they are the ones who gave me this life and everything I asked them for. Their hate will kill me but not being myself is already killing me. I sometimes think of ending this, just killing myself. Everything will be over and I'll be at peace but there's a part of me which wants to live and explore the world and do so many things. But dying is better than living this fake life and having all these anxieties, it's better to atone than die daily little by little. It's better t-

My thoughts are cut off by a phone call, I look at the screen and it's Dev, my older brother. I'm thinking if I should cut it but then I pick it up.

"Hey, what's up?" I ask

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah totally fine, why?"

He doesn't speak for a moment and I'm
almost sure that he was asleep, "Rav I don't say this often but I love you"

Now I ask him, "are you okay? Do you want something from me"

"Yah! You dumbass can't I just show my love to you"

"No?" I say and laugh while he tells me that he doesn't what anything and he just felt this weird feeling that something was wrong with me so he called for a check-up.

"Oh, well that's nice of you and I'm okay, I'm with Kanishk be worried about him, not me"

"Yeah okay, just take care of yourself. Okay so I'll go back I have work, Bye"

Before I can say anything to him he hung up. I suddenly feel very happy. Maybe there's hope that everything will be fine. Maybe things will get better. Maybe.

-----------💙~

Hey!! So this is the first chapter and I'm kinda Blank and idk what to say lmao. Also if anyone is confused about nick and Kanishk, Aarav calls Kanishk, Nick. So yeah that's pretty much it. Vote and comment.

Thank you💙