the relation of art and pain | jotakak

xxi

They'd all agreed to meet at Tonio's for dinner on Sunday. Jotaro leans against the side of the building, the burgundy brick catching on his coat's sleeve every time he lowers his arm.

He turned up early for a chance to fit in a cigarette. The sight of the ash urn outside the door had caught his eye the first time they'd eaten there, and every time afterwards. Jotaro isn't nervous about being around Jean, but the smoke calms something within him anyways. He blames it on the fact that tomorrow begins the ever dreaded midterms week. He knows he'll do fine on the tests, but the cramming will always manage to get to him.

Kakyoin and Jean spot him just as he turns the corner to toss his cigarette. For a reason he can't explain, he attempts to make it look as casual as possible, despite the fact the other two likely don't care at all.

As he thought, neither mentions it. Kakyoin touches his arm, and Jean offers a friendly greeting. They had been together for brief periods of time, but never properly hung out. It's a little strange to think that he hardly knows his boyfriend's — the word still makes his heart act funny — best friend, beyond what Kakyoin has mentioned in passing.

Once they get comfortable in a booth, Jean is talking his ear off. Jotaro hadn't expected to be one of those people, especially not when someone as quiet as Kakyoin thinks so highly of his company, but he grins and bears it. Jotaro dabbles in sports, but Jean knows enough that he feels outdone in the first ten minutes after admitting that he likes baseball. Tonio comes and goes, the conversation coming to a stop, before Jean picks it up again with a new topic.

"Do you like history?" He asks. Kakyoin gives Jotaro a look that says to just go with it.

"I like medieval stuff," Jotaro says. It's not untrue. He hadn't paid much attention in history class, but something about the period drew him in and away from his beloved two p.m. nap.

"Hell yeah. I'm studyin' medieval stuff," Jean says, with a smile and a playful, mocking tone. "Criminal justice is my major, though."

"Marine biology," Jotaro says. Jean nods.

"That's fish and stuff, right?"

Jotaro half expected that question. "It's a lot of things. But yeah, fish and stuff."

Kakyoin stays mostly silent while they talk, one hand resting on the table and the other holding Jotaro's between them on the seat. It has a similar stress relieving quality as his smokes, although it makes it tricky to eat with only one hand. Kakyoin finally pipes in when Jean takes his first bite, laughing at his reaction.

Comparably dull conversations drift in and out now that everyone is preoccupied. Jean bitches about his coming exams, and Jotaro bitches about the cold weather in return. Kakyoin agrees with both of them.

When Kakyoin excuses himself to the restroom, Jean takes the opportunity to talk to Jotaro alone.

"I'm sorry about how I acted that first time we met," he says.

Jotaro shrugs. "I get it."

"It was careless," Jean continues, passive aggressively. "But I know you didn't mean anything by it... and Nori really likes you, so I might as well suck it up, y'know?"

"Yeah."

"It's kinda cute, how he talks about you," he says. Jotaro begins to get the impression that Jean likes to gossip. "You sound like a nice guy."

"That's subjective," Jotaro says, and Jean laughs.

-

The pack of cigarettes fall out of his jacket pocket as he shrugs it off. Jotaro is glad he waited until he was in his own room. He stares long and hard at the familiar red and white packaging. Then, he takes a deep breath, and with difficulty, makes a decision.