Friend Of The Dead

Lovers Be Lost

I slowed my speed until I was behind everyone, and then I subtly took a turn to the right, straying from the herd, dodging trees and boulders as I ran under the glow of the moonlight, breathing in the forest. I needed to be alone, to think. My brain was presenting a hundred forbidden topics all at once, and the one I couldn't push away was the fact that I wasn't only fighting for my revenge, but for my sister as well.

Could my un-beating heart be capable of pity? A similar emotion had coursed through me when I'd seen her just before leaving the house with the rest of the Cullens, when she stood by Edward's side and leaned against him. At that moment it struck me how breakable she was, how fragile. I couldn't recall ever being so human, a time where I couldn't run down the stairs too fast in fear of slipping and breaking a bone or several. That Sophie was a lifetime ago. And then that emotion had washed over me and I'd stood there in silent confusion, trying to dissect what it was as I stared at Bella.

It was comprehensible to me now. Pity. It was pity, for her, for her naivety, for the life she was throwing down the gutter, for the blood in her veins that was used as bait and drove vampires into an uncontrollable frenzy, for the heart in her chest that loved so much and caused her so much trouble and pain.

The first fact about vampires that Jasper told me was during the first time he took me hunting, when he'd informed me that it was normal not to feel like yourself once you've woken up from the transformation. In many cases, newborns had heightened emotions and uncontainable anger. Rare cases, like me, were the ones where emotions fled from me and no matter how much I tried to grasp them, I couldn't.

It was during that period when I stared into Bella's chocolate brown eyes and forced myself to feel anything for her, any of the love I had for her as a human, the admiration and loyalty, and instead only felt a hollow sort of sadness, because no matter how much I gazed at the girl who once shared my blood, I couldn't bring myself to feel even a slither of what I previously felt.

But I wonder if that wanes with time. I went through emotions like the five stages of grief, one by one they came back to me the more I thought, the more I saw, the more I dug into my memories. And I arrived at a point where I was going to fight, not only to satisfy my own desire but for the sake of my sister as well. For the person who was responsible for my immortality.

Bella had protected me all my life.

It didn't seem unreasonable to return that now, for once being the protector.

Another side of my brain told me that I was also doing it for Jasper, my mentor, and friend. And I didn't argue with that. I would follow Jasper into a fight, I would do anything he asked of me in a heartbeat, he had been the anchor I shackled myself to from the moment I woke up to now. I don't doubt that if I didn't have my war veteran mentor by my side, I would have been a far more vicious and uncontrollable creature.

I wish I could've felt the chill of night on my skin as I ran, my bare legs brushing against the shrubbery. The forest was bathed in moonlight, dewy trees rustling with the wind as I sped past them, the smell of after-rain and wet grass filling up my nostrils. The green scenery was in a state of serenity, beautiful and immaculate in an entirely human way. It was a shame that in the span of a day and a half, it would be a battlefield for the never-ageing.

My attention was all but ripped from my thoughts when several heartbeats came around, stifled noises capturing my senses. I scaled the nearest tree with unnatural grace and crouched, pressing my body against the bark as I watched them sleep.

It was immoral, but killing them while they were unaware would be a mercy. Or I tried to convince myself it would be. I licked my lips, feeling throat close together when the scent of their blood wafted up my nose.