You're Better of Without me | Ant & Dec

Chapter 9

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Wouldn't rlly play golf in winter...oh well😁
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The wind dominated the silence, the only sound were the leaves rustling. In that one minute, everything flooded into Dec. The loneliness in the past year, the helplessness he felt,  the desperation for contact, the love and compassion he had for his best friend. The emotions swirled deep in his belly, causing him to breathe deeply and flare his nose again. 

He did the only thing he could think of in the situation.

Dec walked right up to Ant, stared at how pale his face had become, at how his lips were trembling and his eyes had widened.

Underneath the cloudy sky, where the breeze was heading east and the chilliness in the air was seeping into their coats, Dec gave him a hug.

He wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him in closer for more contact; he rested his head on Ant's shoulder, his hair tickling his jawline. 

After a few seconds, Dec felt strong hands around his waist, "I'm sorry." The voice was gentle and could've been washed away in the wind. "You weren't-" Ant tightened his grip, his lips on top of the sandy hair, "-meant to know." The two friends stayed in that position, unwilling to let go. Neither wanted to leave the comfort they had in the others arms.
Dec was sure he felt something drop onto his head, but according to the weather, it wasn't supposed to rain today. Plus, he couldn't see anything around them getting wet. A sniffle and another plop of something in his hair broke him out of his thoughts.

"Ant, " he said, his voice as soft as the clouds in the sky, "it's ok." His hand reached up to the raven hair, stroking it soothingly, "This is a private place," he drummed a slow rhythm using his fingers, " you're allowed to cry."

"It's fine, I'm ok."

Dec loosened his grip and stepped back a little, his hands still on Ant's shoulders. He glanced up to his eyes, not loosing contact, "What's wrong? Why did you search that up?"

With no response, he thought back to the last few months and all the times he found his best friend on his phone. It was way more often than he normal. "Does Anne-Marie know?"

Ant slowly shook his head, "no-one knows."

"But-I just-you," Dec paused to wipe away the stray tears from Ant's cheeks, noticing the hollow look in his eyes, "why?"

"'Cos, I des-'cos it's true, innit? I'm a drunk, a failure. People hate me, Dec. They want me to die."

Dec launched forward for another hug, enveloping Ant in his warmness, "I don't think anyone's that evil," he whispered into Ant's chest.

"No, they...they, I don't know if I-if I can do this anymore."

Dec's heart missed a beat, his eyes widened and his grip toughened. "What?"

"Maybe I shouldn't be on telly," Ant muttered, head low,"it would be for the best."

"If you're not coming back, then I'm not going."

Ant broke apart, staring at Dec with a scandalised expression. He placed his arms on his shoulder, gentle yet firm, and spoke right into his soul, "No, Dec, don't waste what you've got."

"We've got where we are together."

"You could go further alone."

"We wouldn't be here if we didn't do it together."

"You can do it by yourself."

It was the look in Ant's eyes that made Dec realise that work wasn't the main issue. Something was there in the greeny-blue that was unnatural and different. Like a shard of glass that was causing him pain. "What if I tell you that I love you and that I won't let you go through this alone?"

Ant's hand dropped from Dec's shoulder, dangling limply by his side. 

The two men stood in the grass, only a  few inches apart, allowing the silence to talk for them.

"I love you." He said, firmly. And I'm here for you. I should've said this earlier, way earlier, but I will never ever leave you alone. And you'll always have me, and you can always count-"

Dec was interrupted by the force of Ant. He charged forward so suddenly that Dec almost tripped. Instead, he tangled his arms around Ant's waist, his actions speaking louder than his words. "You're, " he stroked his back, "never, " he softly kissed his neck, "alone." Dec rested his head on Ant's shoulder. "Anything is possible when you have the right people to support you."

"Isn't that a quote from the corner shop?" Ant snorted. Dec chuckled, "You'll be back before you know it."
*****
1995
"You'll be back before you know it," Ant laughed as Dec coughed, shivering even though there was a blanket wrapped around him. "You just need some rest, pet."

2001
Ant hugged Dec tightly, comforting him. "The public won't hate you for this, that'll be stupid!"
"But-"
"S'you're life, Dec." He kissed his forehead, as gentle as a feather. " You'll be back before you know it."
*****
Seconds turned into minutes as time slowed down for the boys.

You'll be back before you know it.
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Sorry if there are any typos.

-Caramel Penguin
xoxo