You're Better of Without me | Ant & Dec

Chapter 5

About 3 months later.

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He wouldn't be able to do it. How the hell did people think he'd be able to? Doing Saturday Night Takeaway alone was torture in itself. And now a whole week of Britain's Got Talent?

Just No.

Dec could still remember when the Producers and ITV Bosses told him that they wanted him to do BGT alone. His world had stopped for a few minutes as he processed it. He was then hurled into rehearsals and script amendments and it hadn't changed since then. He only had 1 hour until he was supposed to go on air.

His suit felt really uncomfortable, and his neck felt itchy. It didn't help that people always looked at him sympathetically...as if they understood what he was going through. The judges offered support, so did the crew, but they didn't understand what it felt like.

Being alone.

He didn't feel right anymore. His eyes always felt tired and it took a damn lot of make-up to fix his face, though the bags under his eyes were still slightly visible. His legs were aching and his arms felt floppy. He really wanted to flop as well.

"Dec, you ok?"

He suddenly jumped out of his daydream and looked at the person. It was just someone from D-Day Darlings. A semi-finalist.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for asking. Good luck tonight." He managed to stumble some words out.

"Thanks, you'll be great too, and Ant will be proud." She then walked off, leaving Dec to ponder about what he just said.

Ant.
What a comforting word.
He really really missed his best friend.

He felt lonely and misunderstood and  his side felt empty and It was such a weird combination to feel. He was kind of lost. Scratch that, he was very lost.

Dec spent the next half an hour staring into the distance. His eyes weren't focused on anything In particular and his mind was foggy and tired. He'd done a lot of thinking in the last few months, about life in general...and about Ant. Obviously.

Tired was a perfect word for how he felt.

"Dec, you're on in 25minutes, you ready?"Alan asked. As the floor manager, he was quite close to the boys. He was trusted.

"Yep."

"Uurgh, ok, you'll be great. See you soon." Alan wasn't very good at comforting people, but Dec could deal with that. 

All he could do was nod.

For another 10 minutes, he didn't do anything. He didn't move a muscle in his body or his eyes from the picture that he'd noticed. A picture of a blue vase with lavenders. There was nothing important or special about it, it just seemed different and out of place.

His phone buzzed.

Dec really couldn't be bothered to check his phone, it could just be another hater on twitter who had tagged him and Ant. He didn't need another person to lower his self-esteem, especially before he was about to go on TV. So he didn't check his phone, or the message. It felt nice to be lost.

By the time he only had 5 minutes left, Dec reluctantly got his phone out of his pocket. He just wanted to get the hate comment over and done it, and then sulk during the breaks of the show. He'd probably need to get used to it for the rest of the week. 

Ant: Goood luck pal. You'll be amazing, don't worry too much. Sending you love.

A gentle smile covered his face, which was becoming more rare as the days went on.

Ant had messaged, Ant had faith in him, Ant believed he could do it.

He would do it, for his best friend.

This time next year, it would all be worth it.

*****

After messaging Dec, Ant left his phone on sound just in case he got a reply. He normally muted it, the amount of hate he was getting was too much for him to see at this point of his recovery. 

Knowing Dec, he was either panicking or...quiet. Most likely quiet. 

He couldn't do much to comfort him, he couldn't even see him right now. Hopefully, his feelings had been sent across with the text message. He did feel for Dec, it must be tough being alone and going on stage without anyone to count on. Ant didn't know if he would be able to do it himself, after all he wasn't that good at it anyway.

He didn't know if he would even be on TV again, people had given him time to get well, but any minute he could get a call stating that they had decided to stop his contract. Maybe it would be for the best, he was confident that Dec could manage a career by himself. 

The option of travelling back to Newcastle was still hovering in his mind.
Then again, there might be people there who didn't want to see the man who had brought shame to their city. Oh, who was he kidding? He wouldn't be welcomed back home.

His phone beeped.

It had to be Dec! Ant excitedly reached over to grab his phone and read the reply. 
But it wasn't from Dec. It wasn't a message.

@antanddec hate Ant. Shouldn't even be alive right now. Don't ever wanna see his face again.

Oh.

Ant had told himself many times to just get used to the hate. He was going to get more and he knew that. That didn't stop the sinking feeling in his stomach, or the tightness in his chest. He was trapped in a world where he was hated.

He quickly muted his phone and put it away, the last thing he needed to do was read more hate comments from people...

How was he supposed to survive this?

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Probably won't be able to update in the weekends x

-Caramel Penguin

xoxo