You're Better of Without me | Ant & Dec

Chapter 2

"What?"

The reply was very quick, it was sharp and on an edge.

"You heard me Dec."

"What are you going on about?"

Ant stayed silent, hoping that Dec didn't need an explanation. But looking at the shock on his face...

"I'm just saying that maybe you should try to, ya know...go solo?" Ant was still looking down at the floor, the kitchen tiles seemed clean and joyous. He would gladly swap positions.

"Why would I do that?" Dec's voice was now extremely quiet.

"The public hates me, it's obvious they do. They wouldn't want to see me on TV ever again. But you've still got a chance. "

"Ant, I don't want-"

"Just think about it, please."

Ant placed his head down, he didn't want Dec to see his face. He felt a mix of emotions. Relief, that he had finally told Dec. Annoyance, that Dec hadn't immediately agreed. And sadness, because the inevitable future was that Dec would leave him...who wouldn't?

These emotions continued to stir inside Ant, they were bubbling deep inside him. They started to boil and climb upwards. But then they stopped.

He just felt empty now. Like a bottomless pit.

Honestly, he needed a good cry. He didn't know what he was feeling but he knew that he needed to let something out, to feel like he released something. Ant felt his face prickle and his jaw clench. The familiar tingle at his nose and the weird sensation entered his throat.

Yes, he was pathetic but he wasn't going to sob in front of Dec.

Speaking of Dec, he was now by the door, fumbling with his keys.

"Where you goin'?" Ant made sure to sound calm and composed. Well, he tried.

For the first time that day, Dec looked straight into Ant's eyes, "I'm going to think about it, just like you said," he lowered his gaze to find the correct key, "Won't be too long."

He could only watch as his best friend opened and then closed the door, stepping outside into an unfair and judgemental world.

Ant heard something crack.

He didn't exactly hear something crack, more like felt it.

The crack released something, he wasn't sure what but he felt different. He felt low and he felt like he was drowning in a world full of oxygen.

Even though he felt empty, there was a hole. And that hole was filled with sadness. Pure sadness. The kind that makes you go mad and will never leave you alone. It'll come when you least expect it, you can try to pretend that it's not there and that you're fine, but it's not. It drags you down. It makes you feel like your sinking, and that you've lost the anchor that keeps you steady.

Ant had lost the one thing in his life that he always thought he would have.

It leaves you feeling alone and unworthy; it makes it difficult for you to get up in the morning; it makes it hard for you to live and smile and breathe.

He then felt something shake.

This triggered some other things. The sinking feeling hadn't left, but it was joined by everything else. Memories after memories swam through his head. Like when he checked twitter yesterday, bad decision. All he saw was messages of hate. He couldn't blame them, he deserved every foul word they could offer.

It wasn't just that, it was before any of this had happened. Those times in pubs or at work when everyone would go up to Dec. That didn't bother him, the only thing that hurt was when they would leave and act as if Ant was invisible. They never even smiled at him.

Those times when he was the second choice. No-one ever thought of him as the first option, he was always there as back-up. 

It didn't bother him that much, he was used to it. It just came crashing in right now.

And that time his mam and dad were arguing, only a few months before his dad walked out. He wasn't supposed to be have been listening, but it wasn't as if they noticed him. He remembered one thing from that argument. That one thing he remembered would never leave his mind. He could still remember the atmosphere inside the house and the tension in the air, the words always remained crisp and clear in his mind.

"Raymond, what about Anthony? He's your son, he-"

"AND HE'S SUCH AN AMAZING SON, ISN'T HE?! FOR GOD'S SAKE CHRISTINE, HE'S NOT WORTH IT, SARHA'S BETTER THAN HIM."

His dad was just being honest, it wasn't as if he was wrong.

He had tried harder since then, tried to do things to make his family happy, tried to make his friends happy, tried to make the public happy.

God, he had tried so hard.

But trying had never been enough.

And then, after 3 years of holding everything in and guarding himself, he finally felt something brake.

The walls that had taken years to build collapsed around him within seconds.

Ant sank to the floor, his hands covered his face and his sobs echoed around the empty kitchen. His hair was messy and all over the place; his cheeks were pink and his eyes looked broken. He looked a right mess.

Something was wrong.

Because however hard he tried to let the tears out, however hard he forced himself to cry, nothing left his eyes.

 It was then that Ant realised...

he was lonely.

~~~~

Thanks for all you're lovely comments, they mean a lot.💖

I hope this chapter met your standards, if not then I'm sorry but I can't do much about that😁

If you still want another chapter, then it's gonna be more about what Dec's thinking...

-Caramel Penguin

xoxo