I Choose You

Seventeen

But do I really want to love him again, even after what he said and did to everyone?

He tells me that he can fix everything with me as his Queen, is that him forcing me to be with him.

He did give me the choice of choosing him, he didn't force it on me, I had the ability to decide.  

And I chose him.

But however, I am not his Queen, I am just, there.

Maybe he is letting me decide that as well, giving me time.

Maybe he is just using me again. 

I don't know what to think, but do I tell Maven about my thoughts?

Honesty is a keen quality in nearly any relationship. So then, yes.  Lying to him is a lose-lose thing.  

My thoughts are caught dead when Maven walks in the room.  He always knows when I need him. 

I sit on the bed with the light on next to me on the bedside table.  He closes the door behind him and locks it.  He stands there for a moment, and walks over to his closet, I watch him.

"Do you want me to be your Queen?" I blurt out so quickly, surprised Maven made out what I had just said.  He stopped at my question.  He didn't say anything.  He just sat on the left side of the bed, perplexed.

"My Queen?" He asks me, not even making eye contact. 

"I didn't know if it came with me choosing you or not,"

"I didn't know either," He stares at his hands, processing.  "Do you want to be my Queen?" 

There's the million-dollar question.  Do I?

  "I- I don't know," I shake my head lightly.  "I was going to Princess of Norta, but now- Queen?"

My jaw shakes, this is reality, not a fairytale somewhere in a book. 

"I get it, Mare, you need time, I won't force it on you," 

His eyes leave his hands, now on me.  Those icy blue oceans I could only imagine are also reality, I bite my lip from saying something really stupid.  He stands up from the bed and goes to turn to his closet.  

"Maven?"  

He stops and turns over his shoulder, his eyes lighting up the room. 

"Forgive me," I say, I can't believe I did, but those words left my mouth.  He fully turned toward me; his eyes want me when I look into them.  It's not lustful, he just wants to know I am here, and that I love him.  He walks to the bed to meet me on the other side. 

He crawls across the bed instead of around it.  He sits on his knees when he reaches the other side.  All I can feel is my chest rising and falling, falling so hard like I am. 

"I already forgave you, Mare,"  

I purse my lips from sobs, this week has been the only week where I have cried more than anytime else. 

"Do you forgive me, Mare?"  He is still there, wanting forgiveness from me, he forgave me.  

"Yes, Maven I do," I wasn't lying now, I do forgive him.  It wasn't really him; it was who Elara wanted him to be.  I was letting my heart decide, that's a dangerous game. 

My heart was overriding all my thoughts, it was beating to loud for my brain to even say anything.  I took a step toward him, his face not even an inch away from mine.  There he was, sitting on his feet on the edge of the bed, fully clothed in his uniform with medals and a cape.  

I grabbed his arm, pulling toward me, making his lips touch mine.  I can't believe I just did that, but I did.  I didn't pull away, I did more.  His hand went behind me to my lower neck.  I let my heart take the wheel, even though it's punished me before. 

I wrap my legs around his waist one by one, now sitting on top of him, our lips moving in sync.  I didn't know what my heart was doing, but I couldn't put on the breaks now.  He didn't pull away; he pulled his legs out from underneath him.  I couldn't comprehend what the hell I was doing, but I didn't stop.  My heart wouldn't let me. 

He grabbed my shoulders, pulling me down as he laid himself onto the bed, putting me on top of him, our lips never breaking their grasp on one another, to tangled into the romance.  Being this way made my brain feel so ugly, but my heart pushed every possible thought that I had against him out of my head for the time being. 

It was as if Maven could read my thoughts, he rolled me onto my back and slid me underneath him, my legs breaking free of his waist.  He broke free from our eternity long kiss and he started to suck on my neck.  I breathed so heavily, I had to bite my lip from moaning.  

This romance was bad.

So bad. 

Here ya go!  1491 words of whatever that was, hope none of you died from cringe, like me.  hehe.  well anyway, hope you like it!  also, 250 views, jeez. 

P.S thank you to everyone, 3rd in red queen, yasssss.

Hannah