Too Fast to Hate | A Peter Maximoff x Reader story

Chapter 5 - Flashbacks

Please listen to this song as you read. This chapter is based on the song. :)
I've been missing recently due to feeling down every now and then. 

<3

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Peter's POV

~A few months after Y/N and Peter became friends~

I turned the corner and saw Y/N. I was going to say hi. She looked happy as she talked to someone. Who is that? I glanced at the guy she was talking to. His name was Dereck. Did she like him? It looked like it. He's amazing. He's handsome, has good grades, nice friends. So why does it feel like I was squeezed the life out of me? I shoved my pants into my pocket. She noticed me and waved. She looked pretty. Really, really pretty. She looked so happy. I flashed a smile and turned around. I left. Her smile faded and she looked down. I should let her do what she wants, right? Why am I so jealous, anyways? It's not like I like her... Right?

*   *   *   *

It's been a week. I hung out with Y/N a little today. She's grown so happy. I think she's caught onto the way I feel about her and Dereck. She's asked me a couple of times about it. I told her:

"Don't worry! I don't mind." and "Y/N, I'm fine." 

I walked into school. I went to my locker and took my goggles off of my head. I put them in my locker along with my bag. I took out a few books and closed my locker. When I turned around, Y / N was walking down the hall, her hand in his hand. In Dereck's  hand. I bit the insides of my cheeks. I was sure I had feelings for her now. It hurt. I walked down the hall and past her. She gave me a smile and a thumbs up. I gave her a thumbs up and smiled back. I should be happy for her. Who would love a mutant like me? I could hear her laugh from behind. I shut my eyes and hurried off. 

Who wouldn't love Y/N?

*   *   *   *

I probably seem like a baby for going home and crying. But when I tell you it hurts, I mean it. It hurts. Why can't I be like him? Why can't I be him? My heart aches. It's breaking slowly and it's torturing me. She wouldn't like me. For fuck's sake, I've got silver hair! I have powers! I wear goggles! I'm not him. And I can't just tape on a fake smile and pretend like I'm happy. I don't know how to do that. Y/N is happy with him. That's fine, that's fine, that's fine. We're just friends. Nothing more.

I hit the table softly and gulped, a small tear falling from my face to my shirt. 

*   *   *   *

I started eating outside, away from her and Dereck. One day it happened.

 I'm being possessive, aren't I? I'm too jealous. I'm a freak. I'm a mutant. I'm not even as pretty as him. I'm just a fool. I can't do shit right.

That's when I started my first panic attack ever.

I had never had one before. A girl eating close to me had noticed and helped me calm down. She was nice but I never hung out with her after that lunch.

*   *   *   *

For about three weeks it was back to being just me. Alone. By myself again. They'd meet each other everyday, talk, and hangout. It's like I wasn't even there. Occasionally I'd catch her staring at me. Did she miss talking to me? I hope so. I walked in on them having a conversation once. Of course, she didn't notice me. It was near the end of the three weeks. They were hugging.

"What's up, Dereck?" Y/N asked. 

"You need to completely cut him out of your life," Dereck sighed. Y/N frowned.

"Who?"

"Peter. You can't be near him anymore. I can see he's attracted to you."

And at that I was gone. I didn't even want to hear the answer. She'd said yes because she loved him. It was no use anymore. I wasn't real to her. I was invisible. 

*   *   *   *

After those weeks, Y/N showed up my locker. I turned in shock to her.

"Y/N?" I questioned. She threw her arms around me and started to frantically apologize.

"I'm so sorry!" She looked up at me. I frowned.

"For what?" I asked. She huffed.

"You know what. For ignoring you. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I realized he wasn't as good as my best friend," she admitted. I chuckled.

"Why is that?" I cocked my head. She shrugged.

"It just hit me. I was so oblivious. But I told him things wouldn't work out between us," she explained. I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"But- Aren't you sad?" 

"Nah, we never really became a thing. He wasn't my type either," she stated. I smiled wide.

"It's good to have you back, Y/N."

"Always and forever, Peter. My best friend."

Me in your sweater...

Why would you ever kiss me?...

I'm not even half as pretty...

I wish I were Dereck {Heather}...