Headlines

Tuesday 15th

~

But you're here in my heart

~

The dread crept over him like an icy chill, numbing his brain. Blood ran cold in his vein. And even though he was on the ground, Jimin still feared that he might fall; the like ground was moving beneath him. If only it would tear apart and swallow him whole and end everything.

His vision was blurry behind all the unshed tears but the journalist's face was clear to him. And Jimin didn't have to ask how much he saw, the look on his face was enough. 

Shakily, Jimin tried to get up on his legs, tripping a couple times in the process. He wiped his eyes to clear his vision of the tears, but at the same time he didn't want to see the expression on Yoongi's face. 

There was only thought in his mind, and that was to run away from there. Hide. And if possible, never come out. He chuckled to himself as he took steps forward knowing that fate would never provide him with an opportunity that sweet.

Jimin didn't care if Yoongi was calling for him. He didn't care if anyone was calling for him. Tears fell down his face like rain from the sky. But unlike the clouds, it didn't make him feel lighter or better. 

He ran to the nearest washroom and locked himself. The feeling of being touched like that was making his skin crawl. The idol rushed to hurl up the contents of his stomach in the nearest cubicle. He was surprised to even throw up anything, considering the fact that he hadn't eaten anything since morning.

No matter how much Jimin rubbed his skin till it turned red, washed his face till the eyes hurt, he still couldn't get rid of the disgusting feeling lingering on him. He felt horribly dirty. 

Suddenly there was knock on the door, making Jimin snap his head towards it.

"Jimin hyungie?" It was Jungkook calling. 

The purple headed quickly dried his hands and wiped his face. He fixed his hairs and corrected his clothes. He didn't have to worry about his eyes. By now, they went from red to normal in a matter of second. And because of it, no one never knew when Jimin had cried. 

"Jimin hyung are you in there?" Jungkook asked once again, knocking on the door.

"Ye-Yeah, I'm coming" Jimin answered back, looking in the mirror one last time and he himself couldn't believe that he was crying few seconds earlier.

He realized that after masking himself each and every day, slowly the mask had became so real that even he himself found it hard to see the difference. 

After taking in a few deep breaths, he went to open the door. A smile involuntarily appeared on his face seeing Jungkook. But the smile on his face was so fake, Jimin hated himself for it. Bottling everything inside for so long, he found it hard to open up even to his dearest friends. 

"Hurry up! I wanna go back to the dorms and play Overwatch!" Jungkook urged, pulling Jimin with him. The elder chuckled, jogging after Jungkook. 

~

Jimin stared blankly at the while marbled floor in front of him. The hot water drizzled down from the shower, stinging his skin. His skin had paled from staying under the water for too long. But none of that mattered to him. He couldn't even feel it.

He hadn't even taken off his clothes. Those wet material sticking uncomfortably to his skin and doing too less to protect Jimin from the effects of the water.  He had been soaked in water for too long, and he should get out. But he couldn't. His mind was stuck one thing.

The egregious feeling of Akio's hand all over him. 

He was stuck in a loop of feeling horrible, and thinking lowly of himself. And that moment, nothing felt right. Nothing felt worth going on for. 

The flashes of memories from today and from the all times that Akio had used for his own pleasure played in his mind like a broken record. Self hatred spread through each cell in his body and even if Jimin clawed his skin till blood came up, it just couldn't get rid of that feeling. 

Then finally, Yoongi's face flashed in his mind. 

And that moment, dread mixed along with the other feelings. Everything becoming too overwhelming for him. Suddenly everything was too much for him. He quickly turned off the shower and got of his bathroom. He almost teared off his clothes from his body because they felt too suffocating.

He felt like an invisible hand had clasped over his mouth, silencing his screams and taking away his breaths; an equally ghostly injection of adrenaline and fear pierced his heart, planting itself deep and unloading in an instant. It felt like his were ribs bound by ropes, straining to inflate his lungs. His head is a carousel of fears spinning out of control, each one pushing his mind into blackness.

He stumbled across his bedroom floor, falling to his knees and crawling across. Hopelessly reaching forwards to hold onto anything, just so that he didn't feel like he was falling endlessly. But everything seemed far away from his reach. 

Each second was filled with the torment of self loathing, self hatred. His own body and skin was making feel sick!

Jimin wanted to get out of his skin, burn it down to ashes just that he could stop all this.  But at the end of the day, he remained helpless. He had to struggle each day with this emotions to dragging him down and drown him.

Finally, the wave of emotions grew tall and strong enough to throw Jimin off his feet and pull him into complete darkness...

~

(Written: 25-06-2020)

(Published: 20-07-2020)

Quote:

I'm not scared
To show you my run down side
But will you stay,
After what meets your eye?

-Luna_aka_Blade